Journey of Hope

I'm on a journey at the moment. A painful, heart wrenching, soul searching journey. Each day is a new discovery of emotions ... some I don't want to feel. Others come and go like the breeze and I wish they would stay a bit longer. I have given myself permission to feel, simply feel. It's strange, isn't it that we need to give ourselves permission. One thing clear about this journey ... God is with me. You know this "peace that passes all understanding" scripture we quote all the time? 

It's so very true.

His peace wraps around me like a soft, warm blanket. 

My children feel this peace as well. They know that God is with us and have both turned to Him instead of away from Him. As a mom, this is a comfort as I watch them grieve and turn to our only Hope ... Our only Strength ... Our only Peace. 

“The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds feet and will make me to walk {not to stand still in terror, but to walk} and make {spiritual} progress upon high places {of trouble, suffering, or responsibility}!” Habakkuk 3:19

In every situation, He is our only hope. No matter what.

The more we depend upon Him, the more He can show us how strong He is through us. 

The more we lean upon Him, our eyes open to the fact that His is our rock.

So, I find myself on a journey, not a destination. I don't intend to stay put in the difficulty, I intend to walk through in freedom, in joy, in victory. 

I was having a talk with my daughter this morning and sharing with her this scripture ... 

"I will go before you and make the crooked places straight ... "

Isaiah 45:2

That's what He does. The Lord goes before us and smooths things out and makes the crooked places straight. As I was sharing, she smiled and told me she was reading yesterday and came upon that very same scripture. Blissful sigh, don't you just love when that happens! God confirms His word and teaches our children who He is! 

Tuning out

Language learning. (shudder) Yes, I'm in the process of learning German. I have Rosetta Stone, a language partner and I'm enrolled in an intensive German course in the Fall. Unfortunately I haven't been blessed with a bent on learning foreign languages so this process will be, well, a process and quite possibly long and arduous. Yikes! 

My family attends a local German church and they offer headsets with English translation. Last Saturday my daughter and I attended "Be The Change" which is an outreach program consisting of helping at nursing homes, shelters, orphanages, etc. Everyone gathers at the church then disperses to the places in need of help on that particular Saturday. We saw another North American missionary family and decided to join their group to make it a bit easier while in the language learning process. So, the different leaders explain about the different locations and tasks and while they were speaking I zoned out. Literally tuned them out. I leaned over to my daughter to ask her if she "caught" anything at all and found out that she tuned it all out too. 

How will I ever learn if I tune out what I can't / don't understand? 

Recently, my mom was fitted with cochlear implants in both ears. (She's had severe hearing loss since she was a child.) She explained to me that she was hearing sounds for things that she never thought made noise. The dinging of microwaves. The clacking of the keyboard. The sounds were so overwhelming to her because she hasn't learned how to tune them out. For the first time I understood her world a bit better. 

How many sounds or voices do we tune out on a daily basis? Not out of hearing loss, but a choice. 

Are you in the foreign language learning process? Any tips for those of us in the thick of it? 

Jehovah Jireh

14 Abraham named that place God-Yireh (God-Sees-to-It). That’s where we get the saying, “On the mountain of God, he sees to it.” Gen 22:14 Msg

For years, I have heard "Jehovah Jireh, my provider," yet sometime ago I've also heard, "Jehovah Jireh - the one who has seen ahead and already provided." I've come to realize that the latter is, in fact, true. We can sometimes lose sight of this truth - He is my provider. Not the supporters, not our employer, but God. 

"He realized that God alone was able, and in that realization the puny supplies of man dwarfed beside the reservoirs of God's grace which he tapped by faith. He learned not to bind God by the limits of his own faith. He asked, knowing that God, Who heard, was able."

George Muller / Man of Faith and Miracles

We were just given a ton of furniture and furnishings by a friend of ours going through a divorce and since we live in a community of missionaries we thought this would be a good opportunity to bless some people. After three truck loads of furniture to our small apartment and one load to the recycling center, we were finally finished. We were literally swimming in furniture. I'm happy to say that many families have been blessed by the furniture and we still have more to give. 

But there is one family that comes to mind when thinking about Jehovah Jireh ... 

My daughter traded her twin bed for a double that was recently given. We found a home for the twin bed and in washing clothes the day after I realized that I had several twin fitted sheets and a duvet cover but no longer owned a twin bed. So, I contacted the lady, Esther, who was the lucky recipient of the twin bed. She picked them up last night and as I was loading the 4 fitted sheet, 2 top sheets, a duvet cover and 2 pillow cases in a shopping bag, she said, "I know I need these things since we have a twin bed now, but I haven't even gotten around to praying about it." and it stopped me right in my packing. I looked over at her and smiled and said, "Yeah, God is good that way." 

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Phil 4:6 ESV

Sometimes it seems that even before we can utter that prayer, God has already provided. When we were moving from the US to Germany 1.5 years ago we sold or gave most of our belongings. On our last day of packing I couldn't find space for my Kitchen Aid stand up mixer and I frantically looked at every box and in the end, decided to give up. I picked up the mixer and handed it to a pastor who was helping us with moving and said, "be blessed." I have missed that mixer like nobody's business and every time I think of it I pray for the pastor and his family. 

Well .... *drum roll please* 

A friend of ours in Switzerland called and said he wanted to give me something. After giving all the furniture and other stuff I couldn't possibly think of what could be left. 

Yes, you guessed it! A KITCHEN AID STAND UP MIXER! But not just any old Kitchen Aid mixer. This baby has every attachment known to man! 

I was overwhelmed and giddy when I set that mixer on my counter. I've often wondered if I would ever have another one, but God, who knows the end from the beginning, knew all along. Whether we are waiting in prayer or those things are here before we pray, He is Jehovah Jireh. 

Practical love

Practical love ... tangible love ... Being God's feet and hands to a world desperate for love. This was part of the message I recently heard at Hillsongs Germany. Living life and loving people in a practical way. 

Awesome message and really cool church! 

Here's a real life story of practical love in action ...  

While packing Ashleigh's lunch on Monday morning I realized we didn't have any bread so we left early to get her a sandwich at the local grocery store. As we walked into the store we saw a guy selling newspapers. I hurried by not wanting Ash to be late for school and didn't give the guy another thought. 

After I got off of work the same day I needed to go back to the same store (yes, a little planning would be good) for a few more things. As I was walking in I saw the same guy selling newspapers right outside the front doors. I asked God to bless him as I walked by him and I kept thinking about him as I walked through the store. When I got to the check out counter I noticed a young guy named Tim that goes to school with Ashleigh at BFA. He was in another line and I offered for him to go in front of me so he wouldn't have to wait. He turned down the offer and asked if I was connected to BFA. I told him I was Ashleigh's mom and then he did the strangest thing ... 

he asked me for .50 so he could buy a newspaper from a guy outside. 

Yes, the very same guy I asked God to bless! I was more than a little stunned and I thanked God for allowing me to share in the blessing. Tim said he felt bad for the guy and wanted to bless him. He noticed the guy Monday morning as well. He said he didn't read German, but he would give the paper to the German teacher at BFA. I handed over the .50 and Tim walked out. You see, Tim wasn't in the store to buy anything. Tim was in the store to find someone to share in the blessing. 

I paid for my things, drove over to the school to pick up Ashleigh and i saw Tim. He smiled really big, held up the paper and said, "thank you." I smiled back and thanked God once again. Through his dorm mom I found out that Tim went back to the store and bought 2 more newspapers later that afternoon. 

No matter where we are in the line of blessing we simply need to be obedient with our part. It's in the small details that we know people care. It's when a seemingly insignificant need is met that we feel and experience the love of a Dad who cares about our every need. Let's be on the lookout to bless and let those around us experience His love through us. Let's be intentional with our giving of time, resources, words of wisdom, listening ears and so on. Intentional. 

11 Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God. 12 So two good things will result from this ministry of giving—the needs of the believers in Jerusalem will be met, and they will joyfully express their thanks to God.   2 Corinthians 9:11-12

Transitions

transition - movement, passage or change from one position, state,

stage, subject, concept, etc. 

My adult married life can be described in one word ... transition. We have moved so many times I have lost count and, to be honest, I don't really want to know. I know the lingo, the steps, how to pack like a pro and yet the thought of "another move" has me feeling that familiar feeling. dread. Not dreading the position, people or place ... dreading the work involved and the emotions attached with moving or transitioning. Whew ... we're not planning a move in the near future, but many are in the world of missionary families. 

I'm part of a large community missionaries here in Germany. You may be familiar with Black Forest Academy. Well, we are serving right in the same village and every June it's a mass exodus as families and students relocate back to North America or some other part of the globe. As families leave, new families arrive during the summer to replace those who have left. In many ways it's a revolving door and, as missionary community, we should be used to this by now, but tears still flow and emotions range from excitement to fear to incredible loss. Here's just the places where the 2014 BFA graduating class are going ... 

So while reading Facebook the other day I came across a post from a missionary friend that sounded all too familiar.

"How to deal with packing and transition stress when you get a little teary-eyed. Method 1: Kiss your 5 year old and ask him if he excited that he's going to get to see Brennan in a few days. Soak in the excitement he exudes. Method 2: Hold your 11 year old in your lap and let her cry out her tears of sadness, share in her grief and be distracted from yours. It's a bit of an emotional roller coaster over here lately." - M.L.

This same mom posted an incredible counseling tool for transitioning. I so wish I would have known this when my kids were little ... 

"Here's a glimpse into the life of transition for a kid. Elise had to make "worry cards" for her counselor this week. She wrote down things she worries about regarding the move back to the US and then put lengths of string on the cards corresponding to how much she worries about it. She can cut the string as the worries become less." M.L.

Through all the moves I've made there is one thing for sure. Well, maybe a couple of things ... 

God knows the end from the beginning. 

His ways are higher than mine. 

I am thankful that He has taken care of us in each move and 

He has walked with us through the grieving of transition and the joy of new adventures. 

What do you think about this? Have you used anything like this with your children? 

Letting go

Holding my then toddler son, I asked a mom of a teenager how she "let go" of her children as they grew up. With no hesitation she said, "letting go is God's process of our children growing up. It's a natural growing apart. If you hold on too tight then your children will not be allowed to grow properly into adulthood." I hugged my son tighter and said, "I'm so happy I don't have to face that right now."  

Oh, how time flies, doesn't it?  My "toddler" is now 21 years old. 

May 2012 - graduation night. (This Mama was holding on tight to that boy's arm.) 

Christmas 2013 - Antrim Family L to R - Jordan (21), Dale, Cherie, Ashleigh (17), Kaia (4)

This process of letting go hasn't been easy and, to be honest, it's not finished. Over the years I have been in denial of the process, embraced the process and I have seen how God's plan is true and right. My husband and I still have our moments of looking back on the pictures and wanting to hang on tight ... like how my arms ache to hold them as babies again. The right thing to do is let them fly. 

They can soar much higher without us tethered to them. 

Just recently I realized how true that is when Jordan called needing money. For the past year and a half he's been in a Master's Commission program in Stuttgart, Germany. Tuition is raised through family, friends, car washes, jobs, etc. Funds began to run low and he was faced with having to leave the program or come up with 700 euro. Jordan called worried, crying and questioning God. My first instinct was to protect and fix .... and then I realized I didn't have 700 euro so I cried with him and pointed him to the Word. I'm not his provider. Very hard lesson to learn. During this time my husband had an intimate conversation with Jordan where he shared that very thought ... we are no longer his provider. They talked, shared, cried a little more and prayed. Later, Jordan shared with me how he began to search the Word regarding finances. Jordan received a new revelation about finances, giving and tithing. God began to show Himself faithful and true over the next few weeks. It was an amazing process to witness. Money began coming in from unlikely sources. People who didn't even know him gave because they heard of the need. Envelopes of cash began showing up in the mail. God has proved Himself over and over in the last few months. He never had to leave the program and will be graduating in June. 

⁴ He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.   Deuteronomy 32:4 

I sometimes think, "What if I would have been able to pay the bill?"  I can't help but thank God for allowing Jordan to experience His faithfulness and goodness. Nothing compares. 

There's such a peace when we let go and hand our children over to God. Our realizing that we were never meant to be their provider, savior, or deliverer is freeing. 

If you have little ones, I encourage you to squeeze those babies a bit tighter today. Enjoy each day. Take lots of pictures. Make memories. Trust God. let go and watch them soar.

Has living overseas made "letting go" easier or harder for you? 

  

Feeling alone

"You are not alone. You are never alone."

I heard those words whispered to me as I was driving home from Basel, Switzerland. 

We live in Germany just over the border of Switzerland and France. My husband, Dale, had left a few weeks earlier to go to the states for seven weeks so that left me, my 17 year old daughter, Ashleigh, and our dog. I have always savored "alone" time. Being an introvert I don't mind silence. My energy tank is filled when I'm alone. But something was different ... 

Why was I having such a hard time being alone after Dale left for the states? 

I wasn't lonely, but I felt alone. I can't explain the feeling, but I was weepy at strange times during the day. I was spending more time in prayer so why was I feeling this way? 

On that particular day I was meeting a Swiss friend of ours just right over the border. He wanted to make sure Ashleigh and I were doing alright and he wanted to bless us with some money. It was needed and truly a blessing. Michael has been a friend of ours for about 9 years and he's more like family. We sat and had a coffee and talked for about an hour. As I was walking to the car, tears welled up in my eyes. I quickly brushed them away, said goodbye to Michael and got in my car. 

The flood that threatened to come in the parking lot now gave way on the highway to Germany. Sobs wracked my body until it felt like I would have to pull over. I didn't understand what was happening, but I knew it was necessary. About 2 km from home the tears stopped, a sweet peace came and I heard, "You are not alone. You are never alone." 

He knows what we need even when we think we don't have a need in a particular area. 

He knows how to reach us. 

He knows us. 

Each circumstance and situation is an opportunity to experience a deeper revelation of who His is and His love for us. 

I am overwhelmed by His love for me. 

Real Life

"What's for dinner, Mom?" "Why don't they have (insert food/drink here) in Germany?"

When we first arrived in Germany in 2005, I felt lost as a goose in the grocery stores. I couldn't read German and so we ate the same foods over and over again. It was "comfortable" and I was already trying to deal with everything else that I literally didn't want to think about food. Baking and cooking is a stress reliever so this was an upset in my whole system and stress ruled until the "food giant" in my life was conquered. After a few months, something had to change and that something was ME. I was hiding. I was fearful.

I finally asked God to help me and here's what He did ...

On this particular weekly shopping trip, I kept looking through the strore. My nerves where just about shot as I looked and couln't find what was on my list. I asked myself, "Why did I even make a list?" Just as I was about to become a huge puddle on the floor, a woman came up to me and she spoke ENGLISH! She introduced herself as Mary Beth and asked me if she could help. I held back tears as I explained my dilema. Mary Beth and I spent almost an hour in the grocery store that day and I found just about everything on my list. A few days later I was invited to her house. I sat on her sofa and poured my heart out over a cup of coffee. She's been in Germany for over 25 years so she had some nuggets of wisdom to share. We sat at her kitchen table as she shared her recipes with me and spent time going over how to make things from scratch rather than open a box.

My life was changed from that day on. The "food giant" was conqured.



Since then I have enjoyed cooking and baking in Germany and now I spend way too much time in the grocery stores because I am simply fascinated with the differences rather than fearful because of them. Since the topic is about food, I had to include one of the recipes from Mary Beth. So simple and delicious! Enjoy!

Brownies

•  2 cups sugar                     1 cup flour       
• 4 eggs                                2/3 cup cocoa
• 3/4 cup oil                         1/2 t baking powder
• 1/2 t salt 

Combine all ingredients in a mixing bowl and stir well.

Pour into a 9x13 pan and bake at 350 degrees F or 180 degrees C for 25 minutes.



God is faithful in every situation. He's concerned with every detail of our lives.

What did you do to adapt to the "food" culture of your new country?