Calm My Anxious Heart, chapter 12

This is the last chapter! If you want to review what has come before, here it is: chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, chapter 9, chapter 10, and chapter 11.

Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls—
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Is anyone else out there humming Если не станет овец в загоне with me now? (If you haven't been in a Russian church, and have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sorry. It's a hymn based on the verses above, and they're inextricably mixed in my mind. And I have no idea who are the people in the video I linked to; that's just what came up when I searched.)

Linda Dillow's favorite book of the Bible is Habakkuk, and this last chapter of Calm My Anxious Heart is inspiring me to reread that obscure prophet. Somehow this chapter seemed heavier and deeper and even more comforting than the others. I didn't underline short sections to quote. I just soaked it all in myself.

Today marks five years since the biggest "Why?" of my life so far. Five years since the very day we were forced to leave Russia. Officially we might be able to go back now, but that's not very realistic, and we're not really planning on it. Many well-meaning people have given us their explanations of the the reasons behind it: "It's for the best." "God is protecting you from something." "He has a better place for you." "It's only for five years, and then you can come back." And so on. Honestly, I still don't get it. None of those reasons seem right to me. I know that all things work together for good, but I can't see the why and how of it nearly as well as the people I just quoted. And yet... I will rejoice in the Lord.

One of the little exercises that is recommended in the Bible study at the back of Calm My Anxious Heart to go with this chapter is to write out our own "though's":

Though I might never be able to go back to the country I love most,
And though we haven't found another place where we fit in;
Though I have no friends to share life with,
And though we don't know what is coming next--
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,I will joy in the God of my salvation.The Lord God is my strength;He will make my feet like deer’s feet,And He will make me walk on my high hills.

I can't even express how much it means to me that this chapter "just happened" to be scheduled for today, of all days. I'm not doing well at passing it on to you all. Personally, I feel like God just reached down and hugged me, though. I pray that some of that can continue on to you, too, if you need it as much as I did.

What are the "though's" in your life, if you can share them? What comforts you most when you can't understand why God is allowing something to happen in your life? And, now that I've come to the end of this series, do you have any suggestions of what I should read deeply and really chew on next? I mean something to share in this space....