Surprise! Tales of a Teen Daughter

My baby has just finished her high school career. Even before moving to South America over 6 years ago, she was homeschooled in what I felt like was a pretty solid plan. From her preschool years of learning red and blue while she colored at the table beside me or learning to count while we drove around town, I've always imagined her slightly-less-than-traditional schooling to lead her right into some lovely scholarships that would pave the way to a challenging yet rewarding degree, ushering her into a fulfilling and lucrative career. Yep, that toddler in the car seat had a shining educational path ahead of her.

Then she tells me she doesn't want to go. 

Wait a minute. I was envisioning missionary kid grants and homeschooler scholarships and CLEPping out of tons of classes. I saw her connecting with the peers she missed so much and getting back into American culture and laughing as she made her way across campus to her next exciting class, just after leaving some fun extracurricular activity like FCA or the Christian Students Club.

But she doesn't want to go.

This is a topic that's been coming up off and on for the past two years or so, as she went through the mental checklist of pros and cons for each of her options. We talked about going to a 4-year university where she'd live on campus versus starting at a community college close enough to live with her eager grandparents as she eased back into American culture. We talked about the five months that would pass between when she'd finish her school year and when the US school year would end, and how she could use that time to explore or intern or maybe even travel a little.  

But she doesn't want to go.

Don't get me wrong. I'm absolutely, totally thrilled beyond words that I won't be putting her on a plane to leave the nest already. But I had to process her decision much more than she did, I'm afraid. Her logic is solid. She isn't ready to leave our home and she's aware of that. She's looked into other options like studying at a university here, taking online classes, interning, or taking a gap year. The one thing she is sure of when considering those choices is that

...she doesn't want to go.

I had to do some serious soul-searching over my gut reaction, which bordered on panic. I had to remind myself that God has a plan for her that just might be different than the one I'd always imagined. I had to remind other people that she may not do what they (and we) always assumed she would do. I had to remind her that I support her while she figures out this thing called adult life, even if I'm standing here with my jaw on the floor and my brain spinning while I process what she's decided. I had to remind us all that this one decision doesn't put her in a certain box or define her future in the way society might say it does. 

And I'm embarrassed at what I came up with when I stopped to think through why I panicked like I did. You know those days when you wonder if you've done irreparable damage by raising kids on the field? This was one of those days. I was stuck deciding if her decision was fear-driven and she just needed me to push her out of the nest so she could learn to fly, or if she honestly needed more time inside our four walls to feel prepared enough for venturing away? 

I had to face up to how much of my reaction was from my own fears--Will she be able to survive financially? Did I not do a good enough job homeschooling her to equip her to feel ready for this step? What will people think of her? What will people think of me? 

The Lord really had to settle me down and talk me off the ledge. He brought to mind many faces, people I'd consider exemplary adults functioning just fine in the real adult world, who had less than normal beginnings and followed the road less traveled. He took me to the Psalms and reminded me that He knew her before I did, that He planned her personality and her giftings before He placed her in our family--a family He knew would live overseas and not exactly be mothered by June Cleaver. 

In the end, I have to admire my baby girl for making this decision on her own, feeling pressure to go in other directions but following her heart. I don't know what God has planned for her, but I trust her future to the One who loaned her to me in the first place.

Had any surprises in your world lately?  How did you handle them?

IMAGE SOURCE: openhandweb.org

Mama, We Need You!

Hey you.  Yeah, you there, with the spit up on your shirt, and a baby screaming, while the pot on the stove is boiling over and the 4 year old is throwing a tantrum.  Can I tell you something?  You are needed in your community.  No really, you are.  You are needed in a way your husband can't fill.  Because while he loves you and is a wonderful husband and father, you are a mama.  And there are other mamas that need you!!

Yesterday I spend a few hours with my friend and her 3 year old.  We went to the park, shared some cookies and talked. We talked about raising kids, about life as mamas.  We laughed over the fact that our toddlers call for us at least 400 times a day and we want to change our names to something that sounds NOTHING like mama, mom, mamá, or mamí.

We talked about how the men we love drive us nuts at times  and I was able to share how that can drive us to the Lord, asking for the right words, the right actions to love those men.

As we got in the car to drive home, my friend looked at me and said, "I needed this.  I don't have any other friends who have kids.  None of them understand my life."  Wow!

I really don't know where my friend stands with Jesus right now.  That's ok.  She talking, opening up, something that doesn't happen easily or quickly in this culture. But she is desperate.  And if I am being honest, I was a bit desperate too for mom friends!  Mamas need other mamas. It's a universal thing.  We need to gird each other up in this journey of raising little people to be big people. 

I've shared here before how this first term for us has been incredibly hard.  I have felt it all!  The loneliness, the isolation, the not being able to effectively communicate in a second language, the missing my home culture, the not fitting in, the feeling of constantly banging your head against the wall as you try to work with a ministry that doesn't want what they asked you to do.  All of it!  I could write a book, I probably will one day. 

But one of the big things I was reminded of it that even in the loneliness, even in the insecurity about language, take the first step.  Talk to that other mama at the park, or at church, or in your neighborhood.  Chances are pretty good that she needs a friend too.  She might not speak your first langauge, but you can fumble you way through your second and laugh together at the mistakes.  She will understand your care and your friendship.  And you her's.  In the midst of the mess, and weariness of raising small people, you can be there for each other.

So mama, you are needed. God sent you to the time and place you're in to shine His Grace.  Go forth and Shine!!!

Ever seen a baby lizard dressed in Polly Pocket clothing?

I have. I wish I had a picture… But I don’t. All I have is the memory.

And that memory often gets me thinking about this fact.

Sometimes, we missionary types take ourselves a little too seriously. We want to

• be effective,
• impact lives,
• not just do what we do well but very well – if not perfectly,
• look good while doing it,
• maybe garner a few more ministry partners, and
• have at least a few great stories to share.

We sometimes forget we’re just ordinary folks serving an extraordinary God, often in not-your-run-of-the-mill locations.

My son is off for his freshman year of college. One of the things that so impressed us about the university he is attending was their rather extensive program and system of support in place to help international students and TCKs transition to this new phase of life. During his most recent trip home, I was asking him about his friends, and in particular, if he spent much time hanging out with his fellow TCK-types. His comment went something along the lines of, “Yeah, I do hang out with them sometimes. But sometimes I get tired of being part of a group of people that thinks they are more special and unique than everyone else. Sometimes, I think they’d be more fun if they’d just get over it.”

Ouch!

But back to my lizard story…

************************************************************

I don't just write for Missionary Mom's Companion... and today I've ended up scheduled to post both places on the same day! So...

Pop on over to a life overseas: the missions conversation... to read the rest

of this lizard story as well as my thoughts about ordinary missionaries and tcks.

I'd love for you to jump on in, join the conversation - here or there, wherever you are most comfortable; I so appreciate your input!

The Ministry of Motherly Service

Here's a guest post from Rosilind. Read down to the end for more about her.

I stood at the living room window of our small 2-bedroom apartment, gazing at the park below. Deep sorrow seized my heart. I felt like a first-class failure!

I was so much more productive before I had kids. And now? I simply couldn’t attend every meeting, be out past 8pm several nights a week, or involve myself in every ministry that appealed to me.

I was home all of the time, it seemed - caring for colds and flus, changing diapers, nursing and putting my grumpy children to bed at 8:00 P.M.

I cried out to the Lord that day from the depths of my heart. Guilt washed over me that the support I received seemed unfair, compared to the minimal amount of service I rendered. But that was nothing compared to the utter sense of worthlessness I felt.

Never in all my years of ministry did I feel so utterly worthless for the kingdom.

And in that moment the Lord opened my eyes to a very important aspect of ministry I had failed to recognize.

Ministry isn’t about spiritual activities vs. secular ones.

When I make my husband coffee, I am serving.

When I change diapers, kiss boo-boos and exclaim over a pretty picture my son draws, I am serving

When sit and chat with a lonely mom in the park, I am serving.

Each morning when I wake up and spend precious time with the Lord, I am serving.

Every moment of the day I am serving if I what I do comes from an abiding heart of a servant of God! Beautiful, worshipful service.

The ministry of motherly service!

In that moment my perspective began to change about what ministry truly is! My priorities shifted as I began view wifehood as my primary ministry. Motherhood is an immediate second. Putting these priorities in place allowed the Lord opened my eyes to see outreach opportunities that were sitting right in front of me - opportunities I had never even considered before because they didn’t require me to walk out my front door. I could joyfully serve my family as the Lord designed that I should, and still reach out to those in need.

I began leading an online Bible study for the women in my country. Before long women from neighboring countries – who speak the same language – joined in and my one small group multiplied to a handful of Facebook groups as I began mentoring local women to lead their own groups! I was reaching out, right from my own home!

Missionary moms play a unique and complex role. The Lord can use us in amazing and powerful ways when we simply allow the endless creativity of our God to open our eyes to the unexplored avenues of service that await us!

Bio: Rosilind is an American girl married to a Bosnian guy who lives in a small village just outside of Zagreb. They have two crazy boys 3 and under who are as opposite as boys can be. When Rosilind isn't writing, she is dreaming up recipes and searching for ways to organize her home better. You can find her at A Little R & R where she writes about missions, marriage and family, toddler activities, and her recipes. You will also find her on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

"Nobody Even Cares!"

Our first full week back in the US for a two-month furlough, we were offered the opportunity to stay in a family member's lakeside cabin for a few days.  We piled in as many folks as possible and did our best to get the most fun out of 15 people squashed into a tiny two-bedroom house.  It was absolutely terrific.

Before we'd gotten settled in well, the youngest in the crowd (my seven-year old nephew) injured his foot running around the pool area.  He immediately began to cry, but when he noticed the skinned area bleeding, those cries became wails and his volume exponentially increased.  We adults pitched in with comments meant to distract him while Mom administered first aid: "Wow! That was quite an acrobatic stunt you performed!" "You have got to be the toughest little monkey around!" "You are gonna have the neatest band-aid in town!" 

His response?  He made the saddest little face ever and looked up at his mom, barely eeking out in a whisper, "It hurts so bad and nobody even CARES!"

We were well-intentioned in encouraging him and trying to keep the little guy from freaking out, but he just wanted us to recognize his pain and let him cry a bit.  

I wonder how many times I do this with adults who are dealing with a bit more than a scraped foot, and even with my children as they deal with the inevitable and constant change involved in our lifestyle.  Sometimes folks just need me to come along beside them, offer a shoulder to cry on, and acknowledge their pain.  Instead, I tell them how strong they are, give them a pat on the back, and point out how God is going to use this for His glory. 

Sure, there is a place for encouragement, but my nephew's reaction reminded me that sometimes, like Job, people need me to simply be there for them, sitting beside them as they grieve and giving them permission to react to the pain.  

How does this look in real life?  As a mom, how do you allow for healthy grieving and adjustment?

Kids on the Field: Babies

So last time we talked about Kids on the Field, we talked about cloth diapering.  How 'bout we talk about having babies on the field?

Quinn wasn't born here in Costa Rica.  We say he's "casi Tico" (almost Costa Rican) but I was too chicken to have him here.  You think I am joking.  Check out our middle son's birth story.  We just felt like it was a wiser decision for our family to have him near family.  So that's what we did.  We left Costa Rica when I was somewhere around 34 weeks (still able to fly internationally.  The ticket counter guy really thought I shouldn't be flying!) We moved back when Quinn was just 3 months old.  Really, we were in the States long enough to have him and get his passport.

I did most of my prenatal care here while we were in language school. We saw a general practitioner
here who works with language school students.  He speaks perfect English and knows both the North American practices and Tico practices. He works with a lot of expats, so he was able to help maneuver the coming and going with the records and all.  When we were in Michigan for Christmas I saw the OB that I had when I was pregnant with our oldest.  That was the practice that delivered Quinn when we got back stateside.

So while I didn't personally have a baby overseas, I know plenty of women who did and had great experiences.  Sure, there were differences, some good, some bad, but all lived to tell the tale.  And isn't' that a funny thing about us women?  We love a good birth story!  I was once in a conversation with a North American, and Costa Rican and a Korean in which we were all exchanging birth stories.  It's just universal.

So, what's your overseas pregnancy or birth story?

Do You Spend Too Much Time Online?

 

 

Do I spend too much time online?  This is a question I've been asking myself lately.  For missionaries (especially us women) this is our escape to all our friends and family back in America.  It allows us to not miss our nephew's first birthday, or a friend's wedding, or what so-and-so had for lunch (because, really we all gots-ta-know!)  Loneliness, homesickness, fear, these are all things that can drive us to escape in the internet world.  But how much is too much?

 

I am currently reading an e-book call The UnWired Mom by Sarah Mae.  It is very thought provoking and convicting.  I've really been watching myself the past few days to see how much time I really spend online, and let's just say, I'd be embarrassed to tell you!

 

With all media outlets: blogs, twitter, pinterest, facebook, instagram, google+, etc., there is so much time that can be wasted online.  Just minutes can easily turn into hours.  I often wonder what my children will remember about their childhood, and about me.  Will they remember our game times, mommy reading books to them?  Or will they just remember mommy always on her computer?

 

One of my New Year's Goals this year was to say 'yes' to my children more often and be more intentional in my children's lives.  My kids are growing up so fast, it's almost frightening.  God has given me this huge responsibility to raise my children for Him.  How can I possibly do that while I check my facebook notifications every half hour?

 

Please understand I'm not saying the internet is evil (although I do believe a large portion of it is), I am saying though that all things be done in moderation.  Balance.

 

Balance.

 

I just love that word.  It can be applied to so many areas of our life.  Right now I am applying it to the internet world. 

 

Sarah Mae asks in her book, "Is how you are living your days how you would live them if they were your last?"  Ouch!  I wrote out that quote and put it on my bulletin board just above my desk...which holds my laptop.  It has helped motivate me to get some things done that I've been putting off.

 

Here are some of my suggestions on limiting your time online...

 

• Pray.  Ask God to help you balance your time. 
• Keep your computer turned off.  Our mornings are consumed with homeschooling, if I turn on my computer, then my kids only get half my attention.  My goal is to keep my computer turned off until after lunch.  My kids are past the napping stage, but we still have room time.  After lunch we all go our rooms for an hour (or longer if they don't notice...shhhh!).  This is the time I allow to check my email and facebook messages.
• Use apps.  The book lists several apps and programs (for Google chrome) that limits your time on social networking sites.  I have not tried any of these yet, I'm too scared!
• Take a media fast.  This is something I plan to do, but I really want to plan it out, and not go cold turkey.  I'm thinking I may just take one day a week where I don't go online...at all.
•  

What are some ways you moderate your time online? 

Is this a struggle for you?

 

 

If you're interested in the book, The UnWired Mom by Sarah Mae, I'd encourage you to check out her website and purchase her ebook.   (This is my personal recommendation, I am not being reimbursed in any way.)

 

 

Meet...Christie!

You gals really made me think!! Here's a go at what comes to mind for the questions you sent...

How do your girls feel about living in Paraguay? Was it challenging for them to move there? How old were they when you moved? Do you mind sharing how old your girls are? and what are they thinking about after high school? 

They are now 14 and 16, and were 9 and 11 when we moved here.  They’ve had tough spots at times from lack of friends, missing family, the macho culture here, and feeling a bit disconnected.  But since we’ve moved to a larger town last year, it’s been worlds better for them.  I actually blogged about that yesterday, about how they’re developing and adjusting over time.

Earlier this year (younger on left)

As far as what they’ll do after high school, well, that’s a big question right now.  The 16-yr-old is a planner and would like to have it all mapped out, but she’s undecided if she’d like to move to the US as soon as she “graduates” for college there (probably living with or near grandparents), or if she’d like to study here, or if she should take a gap year and explore what she feels like is her missions calling while learning a trade (cosmetology, cooking?—both of which are very accessible here).  She feels God is calling her to Europe but we don’t know anyone there yet. She'd like to “look around” there a bit before deciding what to study, because she feels more drawn to tent-making missions.  It’s a source of much stress for her that these questions are all in the air, and the truth is, I don’t know how to advise her.  Feel free to pray about this for us.  J  The other daughter lives one day at a time and hasn’t even begun to think past the current calendar year, nor does she want to.  That’s a whole ‘nother post….

What's your favorite thing about being a missionary mom? What is your least favorite one? 

Not long after we'd first moved to PY

I love watching my girls interact with people who don’t seem to have much in common with us, seeing them recognize that really we all have the most important things in common.  I think that all things considered, what they're learning and experiencing far outweighs the down side of this mission life, and I'm thrilled that God moved us here while the girls were still young enough to be part of it all.

Least favorite:  Well, in another life I was a full-time, stay-at-home mom (before coming on the field), and now that we’re here, I don’t feel the same liberty to focus 100% on my family like before.  I feel huge pressure to do MORE than that now that I’m called a “missionary.” Like my ministry to the family isn’t enough.  I naturally have more time for things outside of family now that my girls are older and more independent, but as y’all know, life here means more time homemaking (cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.)  I feel like I COULD spend all my time just helping my family function/survive, but there is this pressure (some of it real, some of it I put on myself) to be “productive” in the ministry by someone else’s standard.  The pull between those things is my least favorite part of being a missionary mom.  That, and worrying about whether my girls will marry Paraguayans or Americans or some other nationality, boiling down to how far apart we may live from them one day.  L 

Where do you find out more about free on line classes - and if they are free, do they count as continuing ed credits, etc.?

I google to find sites that are specific to the ministry I’m looking into, then look for training resources.  For example, on the site for Prison Fellowship Ministries, I found a series of videos and a quiz after each one.  In orality evangelism, I found this site and this one with similar training.  Also, lots of colleges are now offering free classes (google “free online college courses” and a trillion links appear), some with online textbooks, video lectures, a syllabus--the whole shabang, totally free.  A few have a printable certificate at the end, but most of these don’t offer anything “official.”  I don’t have any requirements for continuing education, though.  I just do this for my own benefit. 

Tea or coffee? And what is your favorite flavor or kind?  

Neither.  If pressed, I’ll take tea, either hot or good ole' South Carolina sweet iced tea.  But I prefer kool-aid (which kind folks mail to me here) or Paraguayan tereré.

What are some of the curriculums that you've used, since you say that you've experienced every type?

We started with Abeka and Bob Jones because I was nervous and wanted someone to walk me through each step. Then we did KONOS unit studies for a few years.  Since then, we’ve done Math-U-See, Saxon math, Apologia sciences, Latina Christiana, Shurley Grammar, Easy Grammar, Daily Grams, various public school texts, Classical Conversations, Mystery of History, Fallacy Detective Logic, Drive-Thru History, Christian Liberty Press history, Spelling Power, PACEs, Wordsmith, Writing Strands… I’m sure I’ve left a few out, but those come to mind right away.  Oh, yeah, we did Switched on Schoolhouse for a couple of years here in PY, with high hopes but low success.  We’re now using Tapestry of Grace (love it but it’s a lot of work), Apologia chemistry, Teaching Textbooks Algebra II, Jacob’s Geometry, Write Source, and some supplemental internet freebies.

What is your favorite thing about Paraguay and what is the food like there?  

We're horrible about forgetting to take family
photos.  This one's a few years
old, but don't you love how patriotic we
look under the flag?!  hee hee  ;)  Now, the
girls are as tall as I am! 

I don’t think I could narrow it down to one thing if I tried.  I adore living here.  There is such a feeling of community, of togetherness.  And I do love the strong cultural identity here.  PY is a small country that lost a lot of territory in wars with much larger countries over the years, wars that had the potential to totally annihilate them.  They’re pretty fresh out of dictatorship.  The people have a survivor’s spirit after so much hardship.  We have two official languages, Spanish and the native Guarani, which blend together into what’s called Jopara, unique to here.  So all around us they speak Spanish (and Portuguese) and little Paraguay has its own thing going.

Beef is big industry here, so it’s a carnivore’s world.  The fruits and veggies are great, too, from the tropical climate, but typical foods are fried (empanadas, a fried pancake thingy called a tortilla, country-fried steak or chicken that they call milanesa) or carb-heavy (rice-based guiso and noodle-based tallarines).  It’s VERY tough to eat healthy unless you can manage to always eat at home, which isn’t exactly culturally appropriate.

If you want more details about life in PY, I just read this great article in a NY Times post that sums it up well.

Why Paraguay? 

The super short version?  We felt the call to Latin America, thought we’d be going to Peru, ended up in Paraguay, found out the reason we’d come wasn’t going to work out, but felt this was where God wanted us all along and had used the other events to get us here.  It's turned out to be a great fit for our prior ministry and life experience and the personality of our family.  

Thanks for letting me share about my family and this country we have come to adore.  I’m looking forward to reading about all of you!

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Next up, Danielle:

If we sat down to have a cup of coffee, I would want to hear your story, and share a little bit of mine.

First there was a time in my life where I vowed I would never move south of Texas because of a difficult short-term missions experience.  I also was all set to go to another continent before God turned things upside down and called our family to El Salvador!

Since moving here, language learning has been harder than I thought, but it hasn't been my biggest frustration...you would hear about that when the subject turned to our children and education.

I would also share how I now have a passion for a ministry that was never on my radar during our pre-move planning and preparation.  Of course, I would also share all the things that make El Salvador unique and special to our family.

If you have any questions about me or about El Salvador, post them in the comments and I will answer them soon!

The Lord will Fight for You

I am so thankful for all you.  Seriously, as much as I love my friends back in the States and can share some of this crazy international life with them, you people get it.  You live it, the day in and day out of this living in two worlds, feeling all the emotion that goes with it.

I've been at another low spot.  Some of it is simply being the mother of three kids under 6.  Motherhood is hard, no matter what time or place you live.  But it's compounded by living in a place where we don't have family, where the language, food, culture, transportation, tacka tacka tacka (blah blah blah in Spanish.  Yeah, there is a translation for blah blah blah!) are all different.

The night before Easter was bad folks.  Like as in I told my husband I was this close to driving to the airport and getting on a plane bad.  Some of it was sleep deprivation, our youngest at almost 10 months old still isn't sleeping through the night.  Some of it hormones, but a lot of it was real weariness.

Things looked better in the morning (sorta) and off we went to church.  That morning our pastor talked about the Resurrection and the part that hit me like a ton of bricks was when he said, "Mary Magdalen didn't realize Jesus was standing right behind her.  She was too worked up about the fact that his body was gone.  And maybe that's you.  God is right there next to you, you may not see Him, but He is."  Hummmm.

The next day I talked with a friend who is on her way to Spain.  She told me something similar, "Liz, God is fighting for you.  You may not feel it, but He is."  Hummmm.

Later that day, this verse popped into my head.

 credit: Sweet Blessings

To put this verse in context, this is what Moses told the Hebrews when Pharaoh's army was barreling down on them after they left Egypt.  I love how real the Bible words it all.  Here it is, from Exodus 14:

"They said to Moses, “Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? ¹² Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.” 

Ha!! I love the part, "Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you brought us out here to DIE?!"  Mooosseessssss!!"  Yeah, I can just imagine the whining  and weeping and gnashing of teeth.  And terror, really, pure terror of the entire Egyptian army coming after them.

And this is Moses' response:

 ¹³ And Moses said to the people, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. ¹⁴ The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

Man.  So the story goes on and you know how God parted the Red Sea, allowing all the Hebrews through and then the Egyptians went down into the path between the waters.  At this point the Bible says God " brought the army of the Egyptians into confusion."  Their wheels got all wonky, they couldn't drive their chariots correctly, all sorts of crazy things.  And get this!! This is what the Egyptians said:

“Let us flee from before Israel, for the Lord fights for them against the Egyptians.”

Yep, the Egyptians even saw it.  The Lord was fighting for the Hebrews.  Wow.

Ok, so I know I am not one of the Hebrews, but God is fighting for His kids.   So God was working this all out in me, and last Wednesday we got an email from a supporter.  They asked how things were and if my parents had been able to visit yet.  They haven't, and because of money, we really didn't know when they were going to come.  I have a brother in college right now, and a sister in high school, and well, money is just tight.  But these supporters emailed back and said, "We want to provide two tickets for your parents to come visit, sometime at the end of April or beginning of May."

Ummm, WHAT?!  The Lord is fighting for us.  We only need to be still.  We had been praying about this for so long, our middle son has been struggling with missing these particular grandparents terribly, and we had no idea how this was going to happen.  In fact, my mom had been praying that they could come visit by June.  How's that for a specific answer?

So, in just about 17 days, both my parents are coming.  My dad can stay for 9 days, and my mom will stay 18 in total!  My littlest sister will stay with my other sister and her husband  and well, God has worked all the details out, He's been fighting for me, even though I haven't felt it because I was too worked up about the fact that things were so hard.  I am grateful He is and absolutely over the moon about the fact my parents will be here so soon!

What area do you need the Lord to fight for you?  How can we pray for you?

Our Children's Ministry

I've just returned from a ladies conference... more specifically, a missionary ladies retreat, hosted by the gals of Titus Women.  For about 40 hours, they shared their hearts with us, encouraged us, spent time listening to us.  They came armed with goodie bags, books, and snacks to spoil us a bit, and were ready and waiting to to have those important chats we women crave--those that end in solid advice and a good prayer.  It was a time of refreshing that we all needed and enjoyed.

One of the things that touched me most was that a mom on the ministry team brought her sweet daughter along.  She was only 11 years old and many would have said she'd be in the way or it might not be the place for her, but that young girl ministered to us all through her servanthood. She was gofer for those of us with full hands.  She rocked sleepy babies and entertained bored toddlers so moms could hear the Word.  She stood right up there in the middle of the other 4 ladies on the team, singing her heart out in praise and worship.  She prayed for us and had mature, meaningful conversations over meals.  I don't know who was more proud of her--her mom or all of us ladies in the crowd, identifying with what it's like to involve our children in the work of the Lord.

I thought of all the times I've had the privilege to see my children involved in kingdom work.  Sometimes it's been the natural sort of ministry that comes from reaching out to a neighbor.  Sometimes it's that "shoved on them" kind like having to sing a solo as part of our missions presentation in churches.  And other times it's purposeful and planned, taking advantage of the gifts we see developing in them.  What a joy it is to watch them mature in the Lord and see Him use them in His service!

In what ways are your children involved in your family's ministry?  In what way are they involved in their own?

Special Considerations for MK Teens

Being a parent of third-culture kids—missionary kids in particular—is a challenge at any stage.  Being the mom of teen MK’s comes with its own special fun.

The changes that occur during adolescence can be quite unsettling.   You remember those days, right?  Insecurity, trying to fit in, wondering who you are, dealing with peer pressure.  Hours in front of the mirror, indecision about what you'll wear, drama in all your social circles.

These problems are exponentially increased living in a culture where your teen is obviously "not from around here," and where cultural differences can make even simple stuff seem complicated.

How can we make this time of transition a bit smoother for them?

Make home a safe haven.  Of course, this is our goal as moms, no matter the ages of our children.  But when your teen’s self-esteem is being assaulted outside the walls of your house, it’s crucial.  Although sarcasm and complaining may seem to be your child’s new love language, take the high road.  Jokes about frizzy hair and clumsiness and cracking voices are probably best left unsaid.  Don’t put up with bickering that often gets ugly between siblings.  Yeah, I know.  Easier said than done.  But kids of all ages need to be able to let their guard down around those who love them best.

Build self-esteem.  Where we live, folks have no problem pointing, staring, or calling names if someone is different.  Having two tall daughters with pale skin and blonde hair has led to more awkward public scenes than I care to remember.  So more than ever, it’s important that they feel safe talking to us about how that makes them feel, and that they feel secure in who they are.  Hopefully this is something that’s been a part of your relationship before now, but it’s time to step it up a notch.  How?

Point out how much you admire her fashion sense, or how you like the new way he’s styling his hair.  Accentuate the positive by focusing on your child’s God-given talents.  For us, that means blocking out a chunk in our home school schedule for one child to have time for drawing and painting, as well as investing in a few supplies she needs for that.  It means driving the other to music lessons each week and figuring out how to get our hands on an instrument for practicing. Those aren’t the most convenient changes to make, but the results in self-esteem and stress relief are notable.

Be a good friend.  Peer interaction usually blossoms at this stage of development, and parents find themselves less involved in everyday life.  But what if there aren’t many friends around, or safety is a factor?  Step up and take interest in their interests.  Download good music in her style, find a shared hobby, go on mini-dates for ice cream or a walk in the park.  Despite the eye-rolling you might see when first suggesting this, teens in any culture appreciate one-on-one time with Mom or Dad.  During this time, try to put yourself more on the level of a friend, rather than discuss the chore list or bringing grades up. 

And if your teen does find a good, solid friend, facilitate time together.  As a mom here, I’m much more comfortable knowing where my girls are, so we invite their friends over, making our home youth-friendly—snacks, music, movies, space to goof off.   

Keep God’s plan front and center.  We see pornography splashed across billboards and on magazine covers at every corner.  It’s the norm for public television, which is being broadcast in practically every store we enter.  The music being played at full blast in our neighborhood and around town is full of lewd lyrics.  And men of all ages are whistling, motioning, and calling out to my girls.  This isn’t the time to go silent about sticky topics.  

Find ways to converse naturally about whatever you’re facing in your particular corner of the world.  Provide examples of a life lived well—solid movies, good books, clean music, positive role models, whatever you can to combat the frequency of exposure to “the darker side”.  And remind them every chance you get that they are unique creations with a Father who designed them just right.

What challenges do your kids face?  How have you adapted your parenting methods to cope with this? 

Overseas Friendly DIY Valentine's Ideas

All last year in language school, holidays would sneak up on me.  As in, I would wake up one morning and be like, "awwww man!  How did it get to be insert specific holiday already?"  And the kicker was, we didn't own a car and getting to the store to find insert specific holiday food/decor item we equated with specific holiday  was challenging to say the least.  Even if we did manage to get to a store, usually that specific thing, you know, jelly beans, or whatever didn't exist here.  I would wind up feeling homesick and sad and maybe just a bit grouchy too.

Well.  This year I have set out to remedy this.  I am working to plan ahead and realize long ahead of time that a holiday is coming and then to make provision for it, which is working some of the time.  But I do feel like I am at least a bit further ahead then I was last year.

I am also trying to think outside the "normal" for each holiday.  You know, embrace this living in another country and coming up with our new normal.

So in honor of Valentine's Day (do they celebrate that in your host country?)  here are a few last minute ideas that you should be able to pull off even if you can't find heart shaped boxes of chocolate for your valentines.  I am going to try to give you variations in case you can't find specialties things like heart shaped sprinkles or fancy North American ingredients like chocolate chips. 

First up, an interpretation of said heart shaped boxes of chocolate.  I made these up yesterday and I am so pleased with how they turned out.  Basically, it's a big heart shaped pocket.  I had some felt in my fabric stash that I cut into hearts, like this.  The big thing you want to do is make sure that the side with the opening has an overlap on between the top and bottom.

Then with some red yarn I did a blanket stitch around the outside.  No fabric or pretty red yarn?  A couple of pieces of paper and some glue, or tape, or staples or ribbon or whatever you have on hand, and you could accomplish the same thing.

I filled ours with some gummie worms (what boy doesn't like gummie worms?) I found here and some leftover Hersey's kisses someone sent us at Christmas time.

Now here's something you could do even today.  Heart Shaped sugar cookies.  No cookie cutter?  Use a knife and cut out a heart shape (you could even make a pattern out of paper or cardboard).  Don't have a pastry bag to write cute sayings, making them cute conversation hearts?  Use a plastic bag of some sort, fill it with frosting and cut just the tiniest part of the tip off.  Presto chango, a pastry bag you don't have to clean!  Want some cute colored sugar to sprinkle on?  I found you can dye sugar with food coloring.  Just a few drops in your sugar and now you have pink, or red or whatever color you choose!

And one last idea.  A paper heart garland. 

Cut out hearts of different sizes, and sew them together either with your machine or by hand.

 No needle and thread?  Tape them to a branch, string, whatever you have.  And remember, go for the little wonky, bohemian look and then you don't have to worry about things being perfect.

So how about you?  What helps you make holidays special?  Did you do anything for Valentine's Day?

Do You Need a Reset Button?

The other day, I had a bad day. I don't have them very often... but this particular day was bad. Nothing was going the way I wanted it, and my attitude reflected it. I was taking it out on my son and hubby. It wasn't pretty. I remembered the song, "Bad Day" that was popular a few years back.

Image Credit: Steve Snodgrass

I just wanted to wallow in the fact that I was having a bad day.

I even talked about it on Facebook when I mentioned I needed a reset button on the day so that I could do things over again and not have such a bad day.

A reset button. That's a good idea.

A friend then reminded me that God allows us to take our failures of the day, lay them at the cross and take the grace that God freely offers us to continue.

Image Credit: Phil Whitehouse

What a good reminder!! I obviously needed an attitude change.

Whenever a bad day strikes, remember that God gives us grace to get through because of Jesus' work on the cross. His grace is the only reset button we need! His grace will carry us through until the next day when we can experience his brand new mercies.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”
Lamentations 3:22-24

How have you been experiencing God's grace lately?

When You Serve in a Support Role—Part 1

Every time I start a new job, it takes me awhile to grow into my role. It's kind of like getting a new pair of shoes. At first they're a bit uncomfortable, but over time your feet get broken into them and the shoes get more and more comfortable.

That's how I felt when I first stepped into my role as a missionary's wife two years ago. In the beginning, I didn't feel comfortable with telling all of our supporters and those who may be supporting us that yes, I'm a missionary... but I'm going to be a stay at home wife and mum. I had a hard time getting my mind around the thought that my job is just as important and support-worthy as my husband's job (also in a support role).

Image Credit: David Mayerhofer

Serving as a wife and mother has helped me learn that what I do is an important and valuable position. In some ways, it's a thankless job, but it doesn't go unnoticed by God! What has helped me in coming to this realisation is Proverbs 31. To me, the woman described in these verses is serving in a support role in her home. Now that's someone to strive to be! :)

She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:27 (ESV)

Serving in my role as a wife and mother blesses my husband (Proverbs 31:28). Here are some of the ways I can do that:

• Keeping our house. This might be obvious, but for us this really blesses my husband. He likes it when I can take responsibility for the running of our home. Personally, I'm still growing into this job. :)
  
• Taking care of our son (and any future children we may have). This is another obvious one, but hey... it's important! Being able to raise our son and not have to send him away for someone else to care for is such a blessing! It's such a privilege to raise this little one God has given us in a biblical way.
  
• Doing partner ministry. Since getting married, I have taken on a fair amount of responsibility to contact and connect with our supporters and prayer partners. Usually I write most emails, postcards, connect through social media, etc. It takes the burden off of my husband so he can focus on his ministry more. He still helps me with those things, but I can serve him by doing most of it.
  

Those are some ways that you can serve in your support role as a wife and mother. In my next post, I'll share about how my family serves in a support role within our organisation, and how God can use us in that.

How do you serve in your ministry as a wife and mother? Do you have a role within your ministry or is your primary role being a wife and mother?

 

Chrysti is a missionary wife and mum serving in the north of England. You can find her blogging at Hedding Somewhere.

When Your Child Doesn't Fit the Mold

We are outsiders when we come into another culture. Foreigners. The guests. Our kids feel it too. They don’t fit the mold, and sometimes they have problems making friends and finding their niche at school, church, or in other group settings. But what happens when your child is WAY outside the mold? What if they have a learning disability? Or an emotional condition? What if they are in need of an educational resource that just isn’t available in the country where you live? Is it time to throw in the towel, and head home to where public schools accommodate special needs and therapy sessions are free?

No child really “fits the mold” but what do you do when the health and peace of your family is threatened by your child’s struggles? What happens when your role turns from simply “missionary mom” to “therapy mom?”

This year I’ve had to work through all of these questions. Both of my children go to a local bi-lingual international school that graciously offers a discount to missionary families. The school has great academics and a student body made up of nationals and expats. We quickly enrolled our daughter when we moved here two and a half years ago.

Fast forward to this past year, and things were not going so smoothly for my kids. My son, age 5, was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder which contributed to significant speech and fine motor skill problems in school. Doing academic work in both Spanish and English seemed to aggravate things. Meanwhile, my daughter, age 7, was a constant frustration to teachers as she began to work well above her grade level and question teachers and classroom routines. Rewards and behavior charts did not seem to be helping, and every morning was a battle to get her out the door to school, which she found “boring.”

I know that many of you reading this have been through far worse struggles concerning your children. You may have had to leave the countries where you are serving, or battle your U.S. public school system for services. I admire so many mothers that have done that. I don’t know how you do it, because I began to fall apart in my efforts to help my children succeed in school each week. We started to consider other options but because of our ministry schedule, my responsibilities, and our children's needs we felt homeschooling was not the right choice for our family at this time.  I found myself praying, begging actually, for God to intervene. I didn’t know what to do as my son continued to fall behind, and the school was consistently sending negative reports home concerning my daughter.

Through all of this, I have been reminded of God’s great faithfulness. We seem to remember to count on Him for the big things like providing finances and helping our ministries. I have learned this year that He also cares about how our children are doing in school, and that He listens to a mother’s desperate cries. Through our children’s school, we were connected to a bi-lingual speech and occupational therapist that works with our son each week and gives us strategies to work with him at home.  He made a dramatic turnaround in school once he started therapy. We were also connected with a bi-lingual educational psychologist, who gave us some direction concerning our daughter. We have been able to develop a good plan for her education in this upcoming school year. The fact that we’ve found these helpful professionals is evidence that God is working in our children’s lives.

But I must be honest, it’s not easy. These services are private and costly. They cut into finances that could be spent other ways. They take our family away from time we could be spending together, even serving together.  My faith has wavered as I question why God would call us to a place where our children would struggle. In the States, resources would be free and I could connect with other families walking through the same thing. But that’s not the plan right now. The plan is to be here, and sometimes the plan includes “counting the cost” financially and emotionally.

I wanted to write this post to reach out to those of you who are in this same place. I know you are out there. I know there are many mothers who wish their child could just “go with the flow” and fit into the school system where you live. You may be thinking, "Other children seem to do it without all the issues...why can't my child?" I know that there are other moms who are homeschooling and trying to get through each day, balancing teaching and ministry, so that their child can get a good education in a way that works for that child.

So, how do you cope? What do you do if your child doesn’t “fit the mold” and you have to go to Plan B? I don’t have all the answers, but I wanted to share some practical things I have learned over this past year.

1.       Ask people to pray for your child. This seems like a no-brainer. Obviously we are missionaries and we have people praying for us all the time! At least that’s what I thought but I had a fellow missionary mom here in El Salvador challenge me to ask for specific prayer for our children. When I know people are praying, I somehow feel less alone.

2.       Research what your child needs. There are many articles, book reviews, and general information available on the Internet. We moms are good at finding out how to meet our child’s needs so take advantage of all the information that is out there. I've had to take time away from other things simply so I could dedicate time to researching how to advocate for my children.

3.       Find out what resources are available in your host country. Depending on where you are, there may be nothing available but don’t make that assumption without investigating. Talk to local international schools that have bi-lingual students, or connect with someone in the U.S. Embassy. Because many services are provided in the States, many embassies also provide them to their employees and they may have a list of local therapists. We live in the capital, so we have some interaction with embassy workers, and I have discovered resources available to bi-lingual students through these connections.

4.       Check with your insurance to see if they will cover some of the payment. In some countries, therapy isn’t covered by any kind of insurance but you don’t know if you don’t ask. Right now, we are working with our national insurance company to see if they will pay for a portion (even a small portion) of the therapy costs since some of it is medically related.

5.       Get support from other moms. To be completely honest, I don’t have much support. That is one reason I wanted to write this post.  I don’t know of any online groups specifically for parents dealing with special issues with their kids overseas. I’m sure they are out there, I just haven’t found them. I also don’t know of any in-country support groups either. Watching your child struggle is hard; we moms need each other.

Raising a child that doesn’t fit the mold is tough no matter where you do it, and adding cross-cultural and language issues can mean a lot more stress for everyone involved. I never anticipated this being a major struggle that I would experience as a missionary. But here it is. It is part of my life, and part of our family’s story and testimony to God’s work in our lives as we serve Him in El Salvador.  I hope that you can be encouraged that you are not alone, and hopefully we can cheer each other on as we take this journey together.

I would love to hear your stories , and please add your own practical advice on this topic…I am new to all of this and still learning!

Introducing...

Quinn Declan Kamper.

He arrived on June 21st just perfect and without any complications on his part or mine, which was something we prayed a lot for!!  He weighed in at 8 lbs 5 oz (Please oh please, don't ask me what that is in kilos...)
He was 21 inches long and has these amazing grey eyes!

As you can tell, we are all thrilled he's here.  And seriously, what is with this family?  We are all just a little off center.

Now comes the challenging part of getting his passport photo.  Right.  Here's what we have so far.  I do think he has pretty much nailed the "neutral facial expression and both eyes open" requirement for the US State Department. 

Or maybe we should call it more of the "deer in the headlights" look.  Oh well, hopefully it will be what they deem appropriate enough to give this guy his own little blue book so we can head back to Costa Rica in September!

A Mother's Ministry

“And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me,

for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry.”

I Timothy 1:12

Paul was speaking here about his ministry as an apostle of Jesus Christ, but I believe we can apply it to us as mothers as well.  As a mother my “ministry” is my children.  What an awesome responsibility God has given to me by giving me my children to raise for Him.

God –

-     Enabled me

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape that you may be able to bear it.”  I Corinthians 10:13

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ;” Philippians 1:6

-    Counted me faithful

-    Put me in the ministry

               “Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”  Psalm 127:3

Being a mom is an honor and a privilege that we shouldn’t take lightly.

Now that I have children, what do I do, what is my (our) main responsibility?

            Proverbs 22:6  We are commanded to train them, teach them.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

            What are we to teach them, you may ask?

                        Deuteronomy 6:5-9 – We are commanded to teach them to love God.

                        Matthew 22:37-38 – Jesus Christ said it is the first commandment.

The first commandment is to love God.  You can’t teach your children to love God if you don’t love Him.  When I first read these verses I wondered can my children look at me and say, “My mom loves God”.  Oh, how I hope so, but some days my actions don't represent my heart.  Our children should be able to see our love for God played out daily in our lives.  We need to look for every opportunity to share God’s love with them.

When I see a rainbow, I remind them of God's promises.  When the birds are singing, I tell them even the birds are singing praises to God.  When it rains, I remind them of God's provisions.  When we are getting groceries, I remind them that God provided the money to be able to buy them.  I want to encourage you today to do the same.  Find every opportunity and share God's love with them.  They deserve it.

I firmly believe that if we love God that everything else will fall into place.  Because we love God we will want to serve Him and please Him.  The same can be applied to our children. 

Being a mom is a full time job, and it’s not always rewarding, it’s not always glamorous, it’s not always fun, it’s not always easy, but we must remember I Corinthians 15:58 – your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

What a blessing – Proverbs 31:28

Today I want to encourage you to be thankful that God has called you into your ministry, the ministry of having children and raising them for His glory.  Honor God by teaching them to love Him.

What are some ways you teach your child that loving God is our top priority as a Christian?


Written by Jen Bauer, missionary mum in the Northern Territory of Australia.  She also blogs at Be Thou Exalted and Baptist Missionary Women.