Mama, We Need You!

Hey you.  Yeah, you there, with the spit up on your shirt, and a baby screaming, while the pot on the stove is boiling over and the 4 year old is throwing a tantrum.  Can I tell you something?  You are needed in your community.  No really, you are.  You are needed in a way your husband can't fill.  Because while he loves you and is a wonderful husband and father, you are a mama.  And there are other mamas that need you!!

Yesterday I spend a few hours with my friend and her 3 year old.  We went to the park, shared some cookies and talked. We talked about raising kids, about life as mamas.  We laughed over the fact that our toddlers call for us at least 400 times a day and we want to change our names to something that sounds NOTHING like mama, mom, mamá, or mamí.

We talked about how the men we love drive us nuts at times  and I was able to share how that can drive us to the Lord, asking for the right words, the right actions to love those men.

As we got in the car to drive home, my friend looked at me and said, "I needed this.  I don't have any other friends who have kids.  None of them understand my life."  Wow!

I really don't know where my friend stands with Jesus right now.  That's ok.  She talking, opening up, something that doesn't happen easily or quickly in this culture. But she is desperate.  And if I am being honest, I was a bit desperate too for mom friends!  Mamas need other mamas. It's a universal thing.  We need to gird each other up in this journey of raising little people to be big people. 

I've shared here before how this first term for us has been incredibly hard.  I have felt it all!  The loneliness, the isolation, the not being able to effectively communicate in a second language, the missing my home culture, the not fitting in, the feeling of constantly banging your head against the wall as you try to work with a ministry that doesn't want what they asked you to do.  All of it!  I could write a book, I probably will one day. 

But one of the big things I was reminded of it that even in the loneliness, even in the insecurity about language, take the first step.  Talk to that other mama at the park, or at church, or in your neighborhood.  Chances are pretty good that she needs a friend too.  She might not speak your first langauge, but you can fumble you way through your second and laugh together at the mistakes.  She will understand your care and your friendship.  And you her's.  In the midst of the mess, and weariness of raising small people, you can be there for each other.

So mama, you are needed. God sent you to the time and place you're in to shine His Grace.  Go forth and Shine!!!

Traveling with Littles: My Best Tips

We are actually winging our way to the States today!  It's been a year and a half since we've stepped foot on US soil (well, we did go to the embassy at some point this last year...does that count?  Or is that just a urban legend?)  We are going for a two week time with family and we are thrilled!

Anyway, as I was packing, I felt myself fall into a normal groove.  You know what I mean.  This packing thing is so natural now.  And I have needed something natural and normal this last couple of weeks.  We've been in the mists of a hurricane with ministry stuff, and while everything is completely out of control and nothing is nailed down and the winds are hollowing around me, at least I can put things in suitcases and organize backpacks.

That got me thinking about my List of Things that Work when Traveling with Kids.

Ok, so in no particular order, here's what works for our family when traveling by plane.

• Stroller.  Yes, my boys are getting big, but we're still taking our double stroller.  This maybe one of the last trips for the double.  But it works well when little legs get tired.

• Empty water bottles/sippy cup.  Since you can't bring a water bottles full through security any more, we bring empty ones and then fill them up.  We've even had it where the flight attendants fill them up with juice on the plane.  And I mean FILL them.  All the way.

• Backpacks.  I know this may not work for everyone, but for us it does.  I keep them light because there are times when the little people get tired.  This time, here's what's in each kids' backpack.  And each boy has patches from every country they have traveled to.  We love the LL Bean ones (I buy them used on Ebay.) They are sturdy and have taken a beating and still are great!

1.  Colored pencil roll                                     

2. New Lego minfig. My boys are obsessed!

3.  Large popsicle sticks.  You can make just 

about anything with these                      

4. Large dot stickers. To make faces, to stick 

on Dad, to use as tape                             

5.  Pipe cleaners.  Theses things are amazing!

         They are lightweight take up almost no room 

      and provide endless hours of entertainment

6.  Headphones and mp3 player loaded           

with audio books                                

7.  Large drawing pad.  I love how these are   

 such a common thing here in Costa Rica

8.  2 books with multiple stories                     

•  A lightweight piece of fabric or blanket to sit on in the airport picnic style.    This is nice for baby to lay on and get some wiggles out, and for bigger people to sit on too.  We actually look for spots that have lots of floor space to help us stretch out.  You can also put your stroller at an angle and sorta create a space for your family. 

•  Limit the blankets/stuffed animals/lovies.  My boys want to have a blanket, stuffed animal and....and...and...nope.  Sorry.  One thing man.

• Snacks.  Need I say more?  I try to pick snacks that won't spoil and that are bit different from our normal routine.

•  Audio stuff.   Remember item #6 in the backpack?  Books on Tape...errrrrrr mp3?  I think they are called Audio books now.  Anyway.  You can sometimes get these from your "local" library's website.  Yeah, go grab your library card out of that drawer from last time you were stateside!  Or email your sister and beg for her card number, because yes, you can access a lot of libraries digital stuff from overseas! Sweet!  Also, include a pair of kid friendly headphones.  Our boys have these. (Thank you Grandma and Grandpa!)  They are great because they actually stay on and don't hurt their ears and they are pretty rugged.  I just made these drawstring bags for them for their backpacks so they can keep the headphones and the player together.

• Don't use up everything all at once.  Ration, people.  Don't let them break out everything the second they get to the airport.  Take your time.

Ok, so your turn.  What is your best tip for traveling with kids?  Share the love sistas!

Overseas Friendly Growth Chart

I seem to be in a season of creating here.  I don't know if it's because my husband had a week off at the end of our summer camp season (yes, it's summer here in Costa Rica.  No, don't try to figure it out.  Yes, we are north of the equator, but they still call this time of year summer.)  I digress.

Ok.  So back to the Overseas Friendly DIY stuff...

So my husband has a thing for recording the boys heights on the wall.  Which works wonderfully if we were to stay in the same house from now until the baby is in college.  But, being that we are kind of global nomads, the likelihood of that happening is virtually 0.

So.  One day I realized I could make a fabric one!  What?!  We have a fabric advent calendar that is so easy to pack, and as we all know, we can always use a bit more padding in those suitcases.  And unless you are making one of these out of denim it shouldn't add too much to the overall weight. Really, denim would just be like another pair of jeans.

Ok, so here's how we did it.  I say we because I am mathematically challenged and needed my husband to help with the measuring.  I know. Lame.  Anyway.

Noah (my husband) decided we should make it 6 foot 5 inches tall.  Yes, our boys could grow that tall.  Vamos a ver.  He also decided that it doesn't need to reach the ground, just down to about 37 inches.  Yep, this means that the baby won't be measured any time soon, but that's fine too.  Do what you want.

I found a piece of cream muslin in my stash and cut it in half.  Then I found some other brown leafy fabric and sewed it with the right sides facing each other, you know like making a pillow case.  The brown fabric was wider than the muslin which is what I wanted.  I liked the idea of having the leafy pattern on the front side too.  Then I top stitch it down the side with the brown fabric.

Next, I marked the inches and half inches.  With some cream cotton yarn I had, I made the inch marks.  I didn't do that as neatly as I was hoping, but hey, this ain't rocket science.  I had a brown pen and used it to add the inches in and to mark the big boys heights from this last year.  Goodness they have grown!!

And now we can have those heights for posterity.  And it's portable!

Does your family record the kids' heights?  What other things do you do to keep memories of childhood?

The Ministry of Motherly Service

Here's a guest post from Rosilind. Read down to the end for more about her.

I stood at the living room window of our small 2-bedroom apartment, gazing at the park below. Deep sorrow seized my heart. I felt like a first-class failure!

I was so much more productive before I had kids. And now? I simply couldn’t attend every meeting, be out past 8pm several nights a week, or involve myself in every ministry that appealed to me.

I was home all of the time, it seemed - caring for colds and flus, changing diapers, nursing and putting my grumpy children to bed at 8:00 P.M.

I cried out to the Lord that day from the depths of my heart. Guilt washed over me that the support I received seemed unfair, compared to the minimal amount of service I rendered. But that was nothing compared to the utter sense of worthlessness I felt.

Never in all my years of ministry did I feel so utterly worthless for the kingdom.

And in that moment the Lord opened my eyes to a very important aspect of ministry I had failed to recognize.

Ministry isn’t about spiritual activities vs. secular ones.

When I make my husband coffee, I am serving.

When I change diapers, kiss boo-boos and exclaim over a pretty picture my son draws, I am serving

When sit and chat with a lonely mom in the park, I am serving.

Each morning when I wake up and spend precious time with the Lord, I am serving.

Every moment of the day I am serving if I what I do comes from an abiding heart of a servant of God! Beautiful, worshipful service.

The ministry of motherly service!

In that moment my perspective began to change about what ministry truly is! My priorities shifted as I began view wifehood as my primary ministry. Motherhood is an immediate second. Putting these priorities in place allowed the Lord opened my eyes to see outreach opportunities that were sitting right in front of me - opportunities I had never even considered before because they didn’t require me to walk out my front door. I could joyfully serve my family as the Lord designed that I should, and still reach out to those in need.

I began leading an online Bible study for the women in my country. Before long women from neighboring countries – who speak the same language – joined in and my one small group multiplied to a handful of Facebook groups as I began mentoring local women to lead their own groups! I was reaching out, right from my own home!

Missionary moms play a unique and complex role. The Lord can use us in amazing and powerful ways when we simply allow the endless creativity of our God to open our eyes to the unexplored avenues of service that await us!

Bio: Rosilind is an American girl married to a Bosnian guy who lives in a small village just outside of Zagreb. They have two crazy boys 3 and under who are as opposite as boys can be. When Rosilind isn't writing, she is dreaming up recipes and searching for ways to organize her home better. You can find her at A Little R & R where she writes about missions, marriage and family, toddler activities, and her recipes. You will also find her on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

"Nobody Even Cares!"

Our first full week back in the US for a two-month furlough, we were offered the opportunity to stay in a family member's lakeside cabin for a few days.  We piled in as many folks as possible and did our best to get the most fun out of 15 people squashed into a tiny two-bedroom house.  It was absolutely terrific.

Before we'd gotten settled in well, the youngest in the crowd (my seven-year old nephew) injured his foot running around the pool area.  He immediately began to cry, but when he noticed the skinned area bleeding, those cries became wails and his volume exponentially increased.  We adults pitched in with comments meant to distract him while Mom administered first aid: "Wow! That was quite an acrobatic stunt you performed!" "You have got to be the toughest little monkey around!" "You are gonna have the neatest band-aid in town!" 

His response?  He made the saddest little face ever and looked up at his mom, barely eeking out in a whisper, "It hurts so bad and nobody even CARES!"

We were well-intentioned in encouraging him and trying to keep the little guy from freaking out, but he just wanted us to recognize his pain and let him cry a bit.  

I wonder how many times I do this with adults who are dealing with a bit more than a scraped foot, and even with my children as they deal with the inevitable and constant change involved in our lifestyle.  Sometimes folks just need me to come along beside them, offer a shoulder to cry on, and acknowledge their pain.  Instead, I tell them how strong they are, give them a pat on the back, and point out how God is going to use this for His glory. 

Sure, there is a place for encouragement, but my nephew's reaction reminded me that sometimes, like Job, people need me to simply be there for them, sitting beside them as they grieve and giving them permission to react to the pain.  

How does this look in real life?  As a mom, how do you allow for healthy grieving and adjustment?

those long trips - road or otherwise - with a parcel of little and not so little people

So, I should probably warn you before you even start to read. 

This post has many photos.

And none of them are ministry-ish... none at all.

No kidding.

Five weeks of essentially vacation traveling will do that to you!

Especially if you've never done anything like that before as a family.

We left Niamey on June 9. We finally pulled in to the driveway at the missionary house where we will be spending this next year on July 14. That's five weeks of travel for a family of 10, living out of 2 small vans or one large van most of that time. What we saw and experienced are mostly once in a lifetime sorts of things and I don't know that we'll ever have such an opportunity again... ever... with all of our children. Today, as this post posts, I'll be on the road, taking our oldest off to college and we are beginning a new stage of parenting and just life in general.

It seemed frivolous, even selfish as we planned this trip - but we are thankful that we just went ahead and took that time to be together, to travel, to explore and see some amazing parts of this world. We kept shoving those doubts about frivolous and selfish to the backs of our minds and focused on redeeming our time... enjoying the moments... ones that would never be just ours again.

And we figured out some things about how to thrive while on the road, in such close proximity and confined spaces while in a rather longish state of transition.

1. Switch things up frequently and keep everyone involved in the planning... Change seating arrangements and make sure EVERY voice is heard when deciding what to do, even if it is the 4 year old begging to eat at the only McDonald's we saw in Scotland... AGAIN!

2. Give everyone a specific and unique to him/her job each step of the way. Wheeling his/her carry on through the airport, loading the pillows into the car, cleaning the trash out of the car seats, drying the camp dishes, photobomber (yes, some jobs can be silly), gathering pine cones to "feed" Daddy's Kelly Kettle, or keeping track of a sibling. When each person knows his/her job, it helps in the keeping track of everyone, boredom complaints are minimized and life tends to run a lot more smoothly.

3. As much as possible, keep times approximate and schedules flexible. Airplanes and ferries and some schedules won't and don't give. But a phone call to the camper van rental people might just mean you still get to see the William Wallace Monument and Sterling Bridge... even if it is from a distance and not as long as you might have hoped. Adding an extra day of travel might just mean you get to see those folks you haven't seen in really long time...

4. Practice "serendipity." What's that mean? Long before I met my husband, he and his cousin spent as much of their summers as possible hanging out at a golf course and canoeing Michigan's rivers. This cousin carried with him what he affectionately referred to as "the canoe-er's bible" and in it, he had penned a definition of serendipity. It is still my favorite-definition-of-the-word-ever. Serendipity (according to Cousin Andrew) is an "unexpected pleasure along life's way." That means you go ahead and splurge and eat those buffalo burgers, chase the wild mustangs, pose for a picture next to the Route 66 sign, call friends to catch up with them even at the last minute, taste the raw salt at the salt flats, etc.

5. Don't insist that everybody does everything all of the time. Sometimes, bigger girl might just want to sleep. Another time, Mama may want to read. Or wooden flute aficionado might want to wander through the tourist trap while the rest of us sip a soda. It's okay.

6. Do delight in another's delight over something, even when you might not find it nearly so appealing. You might care less about chasing wild mustangs down 4 wheel drive only trails in your big green 12 passenger van, but seeing the joy in her eyes can still make it a highlight for everyone.

7. Know when to sing and when to be silent. There is a time for both. The corollary to that is knowing when to enforce silence and when to allow singing... even if it is driving you crazy.

8. Get as many truck drivers as possible to honk as your vehicle goes whizzing by. The kids will smile and I'm guessing those truckers who do are smiling, too. And the others who don't probably didn't even notice your kids bouncing around in the back seat, pumping their arms.

9. One or two "distractions" or entertainment sources per child is MORE than sufficient. More than that just becomes clutter to pack and unpack... pack and unpack... pack and unpack... Well, you get the idea. Maps, travel brochures and cameras are awesome "distractions" and sometimes you get some great rewards/souvenirs/ideas from a different perspective than your own. Packing lightly is, in general, a good idea.

10. Sometimes you just need a break. It isn't a "fail" to snag a hotel room when you are mostly tenting your way through a region. Besides restoring sanity and giving our group of 10 some breathing space, free WiFi, Disney Channel or Animal Planet and the all you can eat breakfast buffet in the morning sometimes made the hotel room the cheaper option. (I know... that one surprised me, too.)

11. A lake with a beach (rocky or sandy... lonely or crowded) almost always pleases everyone... even if it is in different ways.

12. Consider it serendipity (see above) if/when you actually manage to synchronize bladders for a sensible rhythm of bathroom breaks. Otherwise, plan on stopping just about every other exit... Well... that may be a bit hyperbolic, but only a bit...

13. Use bear safe lockers where they are provided... and stay awake to listen to your kids talk in their sleep after they've seen a real live, uncaged grizzly down by the beach. It will make you smile. Don't read Night of the Grizzlies that same night. That won't make you smile.

14. Take advantage of those leave-a-book-take-a-book libraries found in campgrounds and laundromats and hotel lobbies and etc., wherever  you find them. You might find yourself reading some pretty fascinating material you might have never considered otherwise. I'm reading a real cool "documentary" called Garbage Land right now that I can promise you I would have never picked up otherwise.

15. Hold hands, snuggle on laps, tickle, giggle, laugh, wear your sunglasses backwards, buy your kids a few souvenirs they don't need, walk barefoot on the beach, eavesdrop on interesting conversations taking place the next stall over while showering (sometimes it was my girls!), talk to strangers (those bikers from Québec thought it was pretty cool our kids spoke French) and find out a little bit of their stories... In other words, do your best to intentionally and unexpectedly enjoy each moment God sets before you and then make sure you thank Him for it.

And those seem to be pretty good rules to apply to life in general, regardless of your destination, your ETA... and even when you are just hanging out at home.

****************************

Do you have any tips for when your family travels over an extended period of time?

Kids on the Field: Toys

Once upon a time, I talked about how we dealt with toys when it came to moving across the world.   Well, we since have moved across the world, and while we did bring a fair amount of toys with us, there have been other things we've had to improvise.  And honestly, there is something so satisfying about creating something for your family.  And it can be a mama sanity saver.

Ok, so I wanted to show you some of my favorite toys we've made since we moved here.  I am trying to pick examples of things that don't need a lot of fancy craft supplies or specially items because I know we are all living in places where these sort of things can be hard to find.  So here we go, my favorite homemade toys...

We made Quinn's (our baby) swing just a couple of weeks after we got here.  He was about 4 months old when we made it and he still loves it 10 months later.  It was really quite simple to make (I only sew straight lines!) Here's a bit more description of the swing and a link to the tutorial I used within the story.

For Christmas we made the big boys traditional rope and board swings.  And they love them as well.  These are so straight forward, a board, some holes and some rope.

And don't judge me because my kids swing over cement.  About the only trees in our yard are banana trees and those are more like an overgrown stalks and so they wouldn't be able to hold up a little boy pretending he's superman.   

Ok, so you all being super missionary moms already know not to overlook things like delapaded jeeps as a great clubhouse!  This one was in a friend's garage here in Costa Rica and it was a favorite hang out for all the missionary kids...I have to say, it is my dream car and it makes the coolest clubhouse EVER!!

We had a despidida (a going away party) for a family at our house in June and there were 15 kids 10 and under at this part.  We had to have some sort of activity otherwise we were all going to lose our minds.  So we got creative and make some great outdoor games like slingshots with paper wads and tin cans, tarp toss with rice bags and an old tarp and ring toss.  And shhhh, don't tell anyone, but I pretty much made all of it out of garbage.

Ok, so how about you?  What awesome toys have you or your kids come up with?  Are there local toys that delight or dismay you?

More Kids on the Field Series

Kids on the Field: When your Kid Hates the Language

So, remember when I said you all need to think of this series as a conversation starter not as a "Liz knows oh so much about raising kids on the field?"  Yeah...this is a perfect post to keep that disclaimer in mind.

Ok, so if you haven't figured out yet, we have three boys.  One is our little professor, talked at a year (didn't walk until 17 months though!), he absorbs the world around him.  He was 4 when we left for language school and he did well with the all Spanish preschool program.

Our middle guy is our engineer.  This kid at a year was studying the baby gate to figure out how it worked and how he could get around it.  If I don't know where he is, most likely he's trying to construct a zipline between our mango trees.  He was 2 1/2 when we left for language school and struggled more with the all Spanish day care situation.

And then there is our baby, who I am pretty sure is say "Hiya" and "Hola" already at 13 months.

But our middle guy is the one who I am praying hard for these days in regards to the language.  He is just flat out frustrated and doesn't want to have anything to do with Spanish.  He is hating Sunday School right now because it's Spanish, he doesn't want to listen to Spanish music or TV and well, just pretty much shuts down.

So.  Help!!! We aren't trying to pressure him into it, but the kid does need to go to Sunday School.  And he needs to be able to function here because we live here and will for the foreseeable future.

So, how about you?  Have your kids gone through this?  What helped?  What didn't?  Thoughts on the issue of kids learning their host language?

Other posts in this series:
Babies
Cloth Diapers

Kids on the Field: Babies

So last time we talked about Kids on the Field, we talked about cloth diapering.  How 'bout we talk about having babies on the field?

Quinn wasn't born here in Costa Rica.  We say he's "casi Tico" (almost Costa Rican) but I was too chicken to have him here.  You think I am joking.  Check out our middle son's birth story.  We just felt like it was a wiser decision for our family to have him near family.  So that's what we did.  We left Costa Rica when I was somewhere around 34 weeks (still able to fly internationally.  The ticket counter guy really thought I shouldn't be flying!) We moved back when Quinn was just 3 months old.  Really, we were in the States long enough to have him and get his passport.

I did most of my prenatal care here while we were in language school. We saw a general practitioner
here who works with language school students.  He speaks perfect English and knows both the North American practices and Tico practices. He works with a lot of expats, so he was able to help maneuver the coming and going with the records and all.  When we were in Michigan for Christmas I saw the OB that I had when I was pregnant with our oldest.  That was the practice that delivered Quinn when we got back stateside.

So while I didn't personally have a baby overseas, I know plenty of women who did and had great experiences.  Sure, there were differences, some good, some bad, but all lived to tell the tale.  And isn't' that a funny thing about us women?  We love a good birth story!  I was once in a conversation with a North American, and Costa Rican and a Korean in which we were all exchanging birth stories.  It's just universal.

So, what's your overseas pregnancy or birth story?

Walking Season

 It is now the time of the year that I call "walking season" here in Russia. Each year after the long winter melts away into spring, all of the mothers and their children resume their tradition to "gulyat," or "go walking," at least once, but usually twice a day. Usually this means moms hanging out on the community playgrounds for hours each day as their children play.

This time of year is always meaningful to me as it is the short season when I really have the opportunity to easily meet new people. I join the Russian moms and my kids and I "gulyat" along with everyone else. I pray each year that God would make ways for the gospel and for my kids and I to be a light in our community. He is so faithful to answer this prayer!

I've been studying Colossians lately and was so encouraged to get to chapter 4, verses 5 and 6, right at the beginning of walking season.

"Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. " Col. 4:5-6 (ESV)

I pray that God would give me wisdom in how to "walk" this season, that I'd use these precious few months well for His glory and the sake of the souls of my new friends. I pray that I would interact with my kids and neighbors in a way that reflects Him, and that He would give me just the right words that would draw their hearts toward Christ.

What are some of the seasons or times when you have special opportunities to connect with others and reach out to those in your community? How do you make the best use of such times?

Goodbyes

Yesterday we had to say goodbye.  Again.  This time, friends of ours are leaving the country for good.  Sigh.  It's hard.  And what makes it harder is my kids are taking it hard. This guy was one of our boys' first friends here.

 This part of the missionary life is just hard.  There is no other way to say it.  Someone told me once that we weren't made for goodbyes.  Yep, I would say that's true.

This goodbye has been especially difficult on our oldest.  He's been crying about it for a week now.

We've talked about how it's good to cry, to feel the pain, but also to celebrate the times that we've had with them.  A couple of weeks ago we had a Despidida (going away party) at our house for them.  It was such a fun day, but hard too.  Last night we drove the 45 minutes down the mountain to see them for the last time here in Costa Rica.  These things are important.  They give us time to say goodbye, to remember, to celebrate and to grieve.

And I pray that my boys will not become hardened with all of these goodbyes.  I want them to stay soft, to embrace people, not hold them at a distance because they are afraid they will leave.

How about you?  How do you help your kids through all of the goodbyes this life brings us?