Letting go

Holding my then toddler son, I asked a mom of a teenager how she "let go" of her children as they grew up. With no hesitation she said, "letting go is God's process of our children growing up. It's a natural growing apart. If you hold on too tight then your children will not be allowed to grow properly into adulthood." I hugged my son tighter and said, "I'm so happy I don't have to face that right now."  

Oh, how time flies, doesn't it?  My "toddler" is now 21 years old. 

May 2012 - graduation night. (This Mama was holding on tight to that boy's arm.) 

Christmas 2013 - Antrim Family L to R - Jordan (21), Dale, Cherie, Ashleigh (17), Kaia (4)

This process of letting go hasn't been easy and, to be honest, it's not finished. Over the years I have been in denial of the process, embraced the process and I have seen how God's plan is true and right. My husband and I still have our moments of looking back on the pictures and wanting to hang on tight ... like how my arms ache to hold them as babies again. The right thing to do is let them fly. 

They can soar much higher without us tethered to them. 

Just recently I realized how true that is when Jordan called needing money. For the past year and a half he's been in a Master's Commission program in Stuttgart, Germany. Tuition is raised through family, friends, car washes, jobs, etc. Funds began to run low and he was faced with having to leave the program or come up with 700 euro. Jordan called worried, crying and questioning God. My first instinct was to protect and fix .... and then I realized I didn't have 700 euro so I cried with him and pointed him to the Word. I'm not his provider. Very hard lesson to learn. During this time my husband had an intimate conversation with Jordan where he shared that very thought ... we are no longer his provider. They talked, shared, cried a little more and prayed. Later, Jordan shared with me how he began to search the Word regarding finances. Jordan received a new revelation about finances, giving and tithing. God began to show Himself faithful and true over the next few weeks. It was an amazing process to witness. Money began coming in from unlikely sources. People who didn't even know him gave because they heard of the need. Envelopes of cash began showing up in the mail. God has proved Himself over and over in the last few months. He never had to leave the program and will be graduating in June. 

⁴ He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.   Deuteronomy 32:4 

I sometimes think, "What if I would have been able to pay the bill?"  I can't help but thank God for allowing Jordan to experience His faithfulness and goodness. Nothing compares. 

There's such a peace when we let go and hand our children over to God. Our realizing that we were never meant to be their provider, savior, or deliverer is freeing. 

If you have little ones, I encourage you to squeeze those babies a bit tighter today. Enjoy each day. Take lots of pictures. Make memories. Trust God. let go and watch them soar.

Has living overseas made "letting go" easier or harder for you? 

  

The Lord will Fight for You

I am so thankful for all you.  Seriously, as much as I love my friends back in the States and can share some of this crazy international life with them, you people get it.  You live it, the day in and day out of this living in two worlds, feeling all the emotion that goes with it.

I've been at another low spot.  Some of it is simply being the mother of three kids under 6.  Motherhood is hard, no matter what time or place you live.  But it's compounded by living in a place where we don't have family, where the language, food, culture, transportation, tacka tacka tacka (blah blah blah in Spanish.  Yeah, there is a translation for blah blah blah!) are all different.

The night before Easter was bad folks.  Like as in I told my husband I was this close to driving to the airport and getting on a plane bad.  Some of it was sleep deprivation, our youngest at almost 10 months old still isn't sleeping through the night.  Some of it hormones, but a lot of it was real weariness.

Things looked better in the morning (sorta) and off we went to church.  That morning our pastor talked about the Resurrection and the part that hit me like a ton of bricks was when he said, "Mary Magdalen didn't realize Jesus was standing right behind her.  She was too worked up about the fact that his body was gone.  And maybe that's you.  God is right there next to you, you may not see Him, but He is."  Hummmm.

The next day I talked with a friend who is on her way to Spain.  She told me something similar, "Liz, God is fighting for you.  You may not feel it, but He is."  Hummmm.

Later that day, this verse popped into my head.

 credit: Sweet Blessings

To put this verse in context, this is what Moses told the Hebrews when Pharaoh's army was barreling down on them after they left Egypt.  I love how real the Bible words it all.  Here it is, from Exodus 14:

"They said to Moses, “Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? ¹² Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.” 

Ha!! I love the part, "Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you brought us out here to DIE?!"  Mooosseessssss!!"  Yeah, I can just imagine the whining  and weeping and gnashing of teeth.  And terror, really, pure terror of the entire Egyptian army coming after them.

And this is Moses' response:

 ¹³ And Moses said to the people, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. ¹⁴ The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

Man.  So the story goes on and you know how God parted the Red Sea, allowing all the Hebrews through and then the Egyptians went down into the path between the waters.  At this point the Bible says God " brought the army of the Egyptians into confusion."  Their wheels got all wonky, they couldn't drive their chariots correctly, all sorts of crazy things.  And get this!! This is what the Egyptians said:

“Let us flee from before Israel, for the Lord fights for them against the Egyptians.”

Yep, the Egyptians even saw it.  The Lord was fighting for the Hebrews.  Wow.

Ok, so I know I am not one of the Hebrews, but God is fighting for His kids.   So God was working this all out in me, and last Wednesday we got an email from a supporter.  They asked how things were and if my parents had been able to visit yet.  They haven't, and because of money, we really didn't know when they were going to come.  I have a brother in college right now, and a sister in high school, and well, money is just tight.  But these supporters emailed back and said, "We want to provide two tickets for your parents to come visit, sometime at the end of April or beginning of May."

Ummm, WHAT?!  The Lord is fighting for us.  We only need to be still.  We had been praying about this for so long, our middle son has been struggling with missing these particular grandparents terribly, and we had no idea how this was going to happen.  In fact, my mom had been praying that they could come visit by June.  How's that for a specific answer?

So, in just about 17 days, both my parents are coming.  My dad can stay for 9 days, and my mom will stay 18 in total!  My littlest sister will stay with my other sister and her husband  and well, God has worked all the details out, He's been fighting for me, even though I haven't felt it because I was too worked up about the fact that things were so hard.  I am grateful He is and absolutely over the moon about the fact my parents will be here so soon!

What area do you need the Lord to fight for you?  How can we pray for you?

Provision Through Trial

During the past couple of months, our family has experienced a long list of trials.  During this time of hardship and prayer I have been pondering the nature of the Lord’s provision.  I praise God that one of His names is Jehova -Jireh, or The Lord Who Provides.  We know just by that name but also from countless places in scripture as well that it is in His very nature to provide lovingly for His children.

I have realized, though, that so often my definition of “provision” cannot possibly be the definition that the Lord had in mind when He proclaims Himself to be the Lord of provision.  My mind wants to believe that provision means me or those that I love receiving all that we need to not be in pain, to not be uncomfortable, to not be hurt, to not be lonely or sick or unhappy or in need… When trials come, so often I pray that the Lord will provide a way for the hardships to disappear. My heart and mind can tend to equate provision with resolution and relief.

This finds its way into my life as a missionary too. When my circumstances aren't what I feel that I need in order to thrive on the field, I pray for the Lord’s provision. I think I should pray these prayers, because very often God does delight in meeting these felt needs, but do I look upon silence or “no” to these prayers as a lack of provision? How long do I wait for provision in the nature of what I was envisioning, and when do I accept that His perfect provision might look different than what I had hoped or reasoned to be necessary? 

We all know very well that trials and suffering are a part of the Lord’s will for the life of the believer, but what has hit me in a new way recently is how trials and suffering are not only part of His will, eventually crafted into good, but they are also part of His perfect and timely provision that we each pray and trust Him for. They are provision for our growth and good, and provide opportunities for His glory.

I went through a time of heavy loneliness last Fall, and on the day of my daughter’s birthday it seemed that 3 mom friends were going to accompany their children to the party. I was starved for fellowship and so greatly looking forward to spending time with them. I had praised God for His loving provision for my loneliness in the promise of their company. Then, on the day of the party, it turned out that none of them came. One didn’t even let me know in advance. I was heartbroken in that moment because I truly felt that I was in desperate need of fellowship. My heart was full of sadness and I “needed” a girlfriend to talk to.  I cried and prayed to the Lord and He answered me so lovingly during that time. He showed me that not allowing my friends to come that night was His perfect provision for me and the perfect answer to my prayers. I thought I needed Him to provide for my loneliness, and I did, but looking back, I see that He needed to provide opportunity for me to cling to Him and nothing else. I grew closer to the Lord during that time. He provided fellowship and intimacy with Him. He knew my true need and He provided abundantly for it. 

How about you? Have you experienced or are you experiencing anything recently where you’ve sought the Lord’s provision but found His response or seeming lack thereof confusing? Do you have any encouraging stories to share with us about seeing how a perceived lack of provision actually was the Lord’s perfect provision for you?