A Prayer for "After..."

This is isn't the blog post I've been planning to write... the one I've been working on.

But as we face another imminent transition in upcoming months... this IS where my heart has been resting, where my mind has been dwelling much... 

The story starts with an evening years ago, 

hanging out around a campfire with family and friends in one of our favorite Niger spots, 

watching the sun set from a West African sand dune...

Three gals, traipsed over the sand dunes - probably heading home before dark. I captured them with my telephoto lens in not the best of light. Their picture intrigued me then. Perhaps more accurately, it haunts me, now.

I wonder about their stories.

They could be sisters. That isn't hard for me to imagine... 

I can easily picture my four oldest girls walking along through the sand~ wrapped in wild African print, draped in light weight, flowing scarves, scuffing $1 cheap flip-flops along the sand and munching on a piece of fruit. They'd chatter and meander, enjoying a reprieve from the unrelenting sun that now ducked behind the horizon. Immersed in each other's company just like these girls, mine would be mostly oblivious to any and everything else going on around them. 

Then a thought crossed my mind: I wondered if two could be keeping the third company as she'd been sent to a nearby market to buy millet which she'll then pound before preparing her family's meal. 

That second scenario isn't so much like my girls' story... 

...and not because my girls never run to a nearby shack, 

buy then bring something home, and 

prepare it for the rest of the family.

They, in fact, have often been asked to do something just like that.

They are, several times every day in fact, still asked to do something similar - something that contributes not to their fun and amusement but to the well-being of our family.

But other times they lay on their bed and watch YouTube or Fairytail videos on a Kindle... read books they've checked out from the library... walk back over to the school next door just to work, earning money they then deposit in the bank and use to fund many of the fun or frivolous things teenage girls love to do... dream of another wedding in Southern California... picture seeing friends from Niger soon... look forward to celebrating a might-as-well-be-a-brother's wedding... imagine a high school graduation and all that comes next... share war stories about working on earning that drivers' license and having to drive with Mama clutching the door and trying to appear calm just to do so...  encouraging one another for yet another round of imminent upcoming goodbyes... 

My girls loved and miss their life in Niger and are so thankful for the opportunity they have had to spend so much of their growing up time in that place, even knowing all of the things they've "missed" in the States. Now, barely shy of two years back in America, they miss Africa and their friends there something awful, but have come to terms with that because "after Niger" has always existed for them... They've always had something farther off and more away just over the metaphorical horizon.

It is not the same for those three girls growing up in a village in Niger, which, according to the 2013 United Nations Human Development report, is still ranked low... 187 out of 187... Niger is a land whose people are - particularly women, girls and children - almost ALL vulnerable.

The girls in this photo? They probably do not know how to read, even if they were permitted to attend school for 2-3 years. They may have never seen a television, much less surfed the internet. They may already be married and have children waiting for them back by their huts. Their husbands or fathers may have a cell phone... however it is unlikely that they would carry one. For them, their "after" is Niger... and mostly just as they know it.

I hope my girls never forget just how blessed they've been, how much lavish grace they've been gifted. I hope that, in my concerns and sometimes anxieties for their future, I never forget.

I pray that after Niger and that even as we transition from home assignment to a place that couldn't be more different, they never forget... and begin to feel entitled. 

I can see that danger nipping at their heels, at my heels, already. 

I hope they fight hard against their own entitlement and a culture that increasingly encourages narcissism, and that each time they start to believe and presume desires (even the worthy ones) to be needs or rights, they consciously recall and fix in their minds images like the one above... and then really remember how amazingly gifted their lives have already been...

I hope they remember that their "afters" are ALWAYS gifts to be shared, sacrificed, spent and well-stewarded... for the benefit of others and the glory of God...

...for the rest of their lives.

May it ever be so... for each one of us.

Rewrite/rework of an original post entitled

A Prayer for "After"

and published on Our Wright-ing Pad

April 5, 2013.

Surprise! Tales of a Teen Daughter

My baby has just finished her high school career. Even before moving to South America over 6 years ago, she was homeschooled in what I felt like was a pretty solid plan. From her preschool years of learning red and blue while she colored at the table beside me or learning to count while we drove around town, I've always imagined her slightly-less-than-traditional schooling to lead her right into some lovely scholarships that would pave the way to a challenging yet rewarding degree, ushering her into a fulfilling and lucrative career. Yep, that toddler in the car seat had a shining educational path ahead of her.

Then she tells me she doesn't want to go. 

Wait a minute. I was envisioning missionary kid grants and homeschooler scholarships and CLEPping out of tons of classes. I saw her connecting with the peers she missed so much and getting back into American culture and laughing as she made her way across campus to her next exciting class, just after leaving some fun extracurricular activity like FCA or the Christian Students Club.

But she doesn't want to go.

This is a topic that's been coming up off and on for the past two years or so, as she went through the mental checklist of pros and cons for each of her options. We talked about going to a 4-year university where she'd live on campus versus starting at a community college close enough to live with her eager grandparents as she eased back into American culture. We talked about the five months that would pass between when she'd finish her school year and when the US school year would end, and how she could use that time to explore or intern or maybe even travel a little.  

But she doesn't want to go.

Don't get me wrong. I'm absolutely, totally thrilled beyond words that I won't be putting her on a plane to leave the nest already. But I had to process her decision much more than she did, I'm afraid. Her logic is solid. She isn't ready to leave our home and she's aware of that. She's looked into other options like studying at a university here, taking online classes, interning, or taking a gap year. The one thing she is sure of when considering those choices is that

...she doesn't want to go.

I had to do some serious soul-searching over my gut reaction, which bordered on panic. I had to remind myself that God has a plan for her that just might be different than the one I'd always imagined. I had to remind other people that she may not do what they (and we) always assumed she would do. I had to remind her that I support her while she figures out this thing called adult life, even if I'm standing here with my jaw on the floor and my brain spinning while I process what she's decided. I had to remind us all that this one decision doesn't put her in a certain box or define her future in the way society might say it does. 

And I'm embarrassed at what I came up with when I stopped to think through why I panicked like I did. You know those days when you wonder if you've done irreparable damage by raising kids on the field? This was one of those days. I was stuck deciding if her decision was fear-driven and she just needed me to push her out of the nest so she could learn to fly, or if she honestly needed more time inside our four walls to feel prepared enough for venturing away? 

I had to face up to how much of my reaction was from my own fears--Will she be able to survive financially? Did I not do a good enough job homeschooling her to equip her to feel ready for this step? What will people think of her? What will people think of me? 

The Lord really had to settle me down and talk me off the ledge. He brought to mind many faces, people I'd consider exemplary adults functioning just fine in the real adult world, who had less than normal beginnings and followed the road less traveled. He took me to the Psalms and reminded me that He knew her before I did, that He planned her personality and her giftings before He placed her in our family--a family He knew would live overseas and not exactly be mothered by June Cleaver. 

In the end, I have to admire my baby girl for making this decision on her own, feeling pressure to go in other directions but following her heart. I don't know what God has planned for her, but I trust her future to the One who loaned her to me in the first place.

Had any surprises in your world lately?  How did you handle them?

IMAGE SOURCE: openhandweb.org

Ever seen a baby lizard dressed in Polly Pocket clothing?

I have. I wish I had a picture… But I don’t. All I have is the memory.

And that memory often gets me thinking about this fact.

Sometimes, we missionary types take ourselves a little too seriously. We want to

• be effective,
• impact lives,
• not just do what we do well but very well – if not perfectly,
• look good while doing it,
• maybe garner a few more ministry partners, and
• have at least a few great stories to share.

We sometimes forget we’re just ordinary folks serving an extraordinary God, often in not-your-run-of-the-mill locations.

My son is off for his freshman year of college. One of the things that so impressed us about the university he is attending was their rather extensive program and system of support in place to help international students and TCKs transition to this new phase of life. During his most recent trip home, I was asking him about his friends, and in particular, if he spent much time hanging out with his fellow TCK-types. His comment went something along the lines of, “Yeah, I do hang out with them sometimes. But sometimes I get tired of being part of a group of people that thinks they are more special and unique than everyone else. Sometimes, I think they’d be more fun if they’d just get over it.”

Ouch!

But back to my lizard story…

************************************************************

I don't just write for Missionary Mom's Companion... and today I've ended up scheduled to post both places on the same day! So...

Pop on over to a life overseas: the missions conversation... to read the rest

of this lizard story as well as my thoughts about ordinary missionaries and tcks.

I'd love for you to jump on in, join the conversation - here or there, wherever you are most comfortable; I so appreciate your input!

A Hint of the Bigger Picture

There are days when the thought of my kids being TCKs is hard.  There is a part of me that cries a little when my almost 5 year old asks me while watching The Snowman, "Mom, what are they doing with the snow?"  Being from The North, snow is in our DNA and here my kid doesn't understand the concept of making a snowball.  Sigh.

But then there are moments like this last weekend, when I realize they are getting such an amazing perspective on the world.  They will grow up knowing how to make a snowball, but also how to do things like speak Spanish, and Surf.  What?  Yeah, that ain't something you can do in the North.  Ok, well, technically, you can surf in Lake Michigan in November (No.Thank.You.) Anyway.


Surfing from nlkamper on Vimeo.


It was good for me to change my perspecitive a bit, again.  To see once more the gift that this life gives to my kids.  To see for a brief moment how God is placing my boys into a bigger world, preparing them for Something, for His plan, and it made me excited again to see what He is going to do with them.


What about you?  What moments have you been able to glimpses the bigger picture with your kids?  And what is your favorite opposite moments (you know, like the fact my boys can make snowballs and surf!)

"Nobody Even Cares!"

Our first full week back in the US for a two-month furlough, we were offered the opportunity to stay in a family member's lakeside cabin for a few days.  We piled in as many folks as possible and did our best to get the most fun out of 15 people squashed into a tiny two-bedroom house.  It was absolutely terrific.

Before we'd gotten settled in well, the youngest in the crowd (my seven-year old nephew) injured his foot running around the pool area.  He immediately began to cry, but when he noticed the skinned area bleeding, those cries became wails and his volume exponentially increased.  We adults pitched in with comments meant to distract him while Mom administered first aid: "Wow! That was quite an acrobatic stunt you performed!" "You have got to be the toughest little monkey around!" "You are gonna have the neatest band-aid in town!" 

His response?  He made the saddest little face ever and looked up at his mom, barely eeking out in a whisper, "It hurts so bad and nobody even CARES!"

We were well-intentioned in encouraging him and trying to keep the little guy from freaking out, but he just wanted us to recognize his pain and let him cry a bit.  

I wonder how many times I do this with adults who are dealing with a bit more than a scraped foot, and even with my children as they deal with the inevitable and constant change involved in our lifestyle.  Sometimes folks just need me to come along beside them, offer a shoulder to cry on, and acknowledge their pain.  Instead, I tell them how strong they are, give them a pat on the back, and point out how God is going to use this for His glory. 

Sure, there is a place for encouragement, but my nephew's reaction reminded me that sometimes, like Job, people need me to simply be there for them, sitting beside them as they grieve and giving them permission to react to the pain.  

How does this look in real life?  As a mom, how do you allow for healthy grieving and adjustment?

Kids on the Field: Traditions with a Twist

This last weekend was Labor Day in the States (does the US have to do EVERYTHING different?  Why is our Labor Day in September and not in May like everyone else?)  Our oldest is attending a school that runs on the US schedule and so he got US Labor Day off.  Funny, I know.

So in an effort to teach our kids not only the Tico holidays (He had Costa Rican Mother's Day off two weeks ago and will have Costa Rican Independence Day off in two weeks) we thought we would try to do some traditional Labor Day things, you know with a Costa Rican Twist.

Now, Costa Rica doesn't have many lakes which figure heavily into Michigan Labor Day traditions (you are never more than 6 miles from a lake in The Mitten State).  But you still roast hot dogs over the fire and camp right?  Well...

We have had a fire in our driveway a couple of times and that was the plan...until we remembered it's rainy season and there was a impressive downpour late afternoon.  So we made pigs in a blanket (I used my pizza dough recipe and wrapped it around the hot dogs and baked them.) and had carrot sticks and chips...totally Labor Day food.

And then we went camping.  We have a great covered deck, so early that day we rigged up a tent of sorts with a tarp, a few sheets and some clothes pins.  The boys had a blast getting everything ready.  The plan was to sleep out there in our "awesome sleeping bags"!  Well...

As I was getting the boys ready for "bed" our middle guy said, "I can't wait to go in the tent!  I don't want to sleep in there. I like my bed!"  Yeah, I like how in the same breath he's excited and not excited. But we tried to talk him into it...and it worked for a whole half hour while they played. And then when it was really time to sleep, he gave up and came in.  Our oldest lasted another 5 minutes without his brother.  So much for camping!   Shhhh, don't tell them, but I was glad I didn't have to sleep out on the hard deck...just sayin.

Ok, so what Traditions do you give a Twist? 

Kids on the Field: When your Kid Hates the Language

So, remember when I said you all need to think of this series as a conversation starter not as a "Liz knows oh so much about raising kids on the field?"  Yeah...this is a perfect post to keep that disclaimer in mind.

Ok, so if you haven't figured out yet, we have three boys.  One is our little professor, talked at a year (didn't walk until 17 months though!), he absorbs the world around him.  He was 4 when we left for language school and he did well with the all Spanish preschool program.

Our middle guy is our engineer.  This kid at a year was studying the baby gate to figure out how it worked and how he could get around it.  If I don't know where he is, most likely he's trying to construct a zipline between our mango trees.  He was 2 1/2 when we left for language school and struggled more with the all Spanish day care situation.

And then there is our baby, who I am pretty sure is say "Hiya" and "Hola" already at 13 months.

But our middle guy is the one who I am praying hard for these days in regards to the language.  He is just flat out frustrated and doesn't want to have anything to do with Spanish.  He is hating Sunday School right now because it's Spanish, he doesn't want to listen to Spanish music or TV and well, just pretty much shuts down.

So.  Help!!! We aren't trying to pressure him into it, but the kid does need to go to Sunday School.  And he needs to be able to function here because we live here and will for the foreseeable future.

So, how about you?  Have your kids gone through this?  What helped?  What didn't?  Thoughts on the issue of kids learning their host language?

Other posts in this series:
Babies
Cloth Diapers

Kids on the Field: Babies

So last time we talked about Kids on the Field, we talked about cloth diapering.  How 'bout we talk about having babies on the field?

Quinn wasn't born here in Costa Rica.  We say he's "casi Tico" (almost Costa Rican) but I was too chicken to have him here.  You think I am joking.  Check out our middle son's birth story.  We just felt like it was a wiser decision for our family to have him near family.  So that's what we did.  We left Costa Rica when I was somewhere around 34 weeks (still able to fly internationally.  The ticket counter guy really thought I shouldn't be flying!) We moved back when Quinn was just 3 months old.  Really, we were in the States long enough to have him and get his passport.

I did most of my prenatal care here while we were in language school. We saw a general practitioner
here who works with language school students.  He speaks perfect English and knows both the North American practices and Tico practices. He works with a lot of expats, so he was able to help maneuver the coming and going with the records and all.  When we were in Michigan for Christmas I saw the OB that I had when I was pregnant with our oldest.  That was the practice that delivered Quinn when we got back stateside.

So while I didn't personally have a baby overseas, I know plenty of women who did and had great experiences.  Sure, there were differences, some good, some bad, but all lived to tell the tale.  And isn't' that a funny thing about us women?  We love a good birth story!  I was once in a conversation with a North American, and Costa Rican and a Korean in which we were all exchanging birth stories.  It's just universal.

So, what's your overseas pregnancy or birth story?

Kids on the Field : Cloth Diapers

Ok.  So first off I need to say this.  I feel a little (ok ok, a LOT) under qualified to write about kids on the mission field.  For crying out loud, we only left the US two years ago and my kids are super little.  As in 6, 4, and 1!  Aren't they cute?

 

But, I got to thinking, since this is a hang out for Missionary Moms (duh, right?), what if we started a discussion about all things kid related?   So as we go along with this series, because I am so under qualified, I am begging you all to jump in and help in the comments!  Seriously, think of this more as a discussion starter and less of a "Liz knows so much about raising kids on the field".

Alright, now that we've gotten that out of the way...

Lets kick this series off with a conversation about something I am qualified to talk about.  Cloth Diapers.

Wait...What?!?  What does that have to do with Kids on the Field?

Ok, let me explain.

I am not going to pretend that we researched this all out and thought long and hard about the benefits of cloth diapering before we had Forrest.  Truth is, one day when Forrest was about 4 months old, my sister in law emailed me and said "hey, do you want our Fuzzi Bunz?"  And I said, sure, why not.

But the more we used them, the more we realized they fit very well into this missions in the Global South life.  And they really weren't that hard.  And if I am being honest here, washing diapers is one of my favorite chores.

So here you go, Everything I Know About Cloth Diapers. 
Let's start with what type.  We have used Fuzzi Bunz and Bum Genius.  Why?  Because that's what we were given and what we found used for a great price.  When it came time to enlarge of stash (yes, that is the technical cloth diapering terminology for your cloth diapers) we went with what we knew.  We had the old style Fuzzi Bunz, and they are mediums and larges.  If you are only going to buy one size, get the mediums.  My boys wear them from the time they were four months old through potty training.  The Bum Genius ones we have are a one size fits all.

 

Both of these brands are what's known as a pocket diaper, meaning you don't need rubber pants on top, it's sort of an all in one sorta deal.  We use terry cloth liners.  Really, this aren't your grandmother's cloth diapers.  During nap times, I sometimes double the liner up.  

Someone asked me if I thought about making diapers, which I am sure work great, but that was just further down the road than I was willing to go.   So sorry, not much help on that front. 

As far as night time use, well, we have never had good luck with that.  I wrote about that here once.

As for care...well, we just have a trash can with a lid.  We through the dirty ones in there (after dumping off whatever can be dumped) and wash ever couple of days.  In the states, I would rise in cold water, run a hot cycle with a bit of All free and clear and occasionally some oxiclean, and then another cold rinse cycle.  I have always hung then up to dry, either inside in the winter, or outside on the porch in the summer.  The sun does wonders for the stains.

Here, we don't have hot water attached to our washing machine, so we just do cold.  I am trying to run them through two full cycles now because of that.  And yes, they get hung up on the line.  During rainy season I have thrown them in the dryer (espeically the liners because stuff can take 4 days to dry here.)

As for other bits and pieces, we have two wet bags to contain dirty or wet diapers in the diaper bag.  We tried a diaper sprayer once and well, while it worked well for about three weeks, it then exploded all over the bathroom.  But I have hear bidets help very nicely in this department.

I can't imagine the amount of money we have saved over the years.  Since Elliot is only 19 months younger than Forrest, we have had kids in diapers for 4 years and counting, and for a good chunk of that we had two kids in diapers.  And now with Quinn and being here where disposables are even more expensive...well...it's just been a big help for us.

There is a  foreign missionary cloth diaper grant from  Cotton Babies.  I have a friends in Columbia, Costa Rica and Honduras who have all been recipients of the grant!So, if you fall into that category, check it out.  Also, they have ways for people to help make those grants a reality, so if you want to help, you can check it out over at Cotton Babies.

Ok, so how about you?  Do you use cloth diapers?  Got any tips for us on how to make it work for your family on the field?

Goodbyes

Yesterday we had to say goodbye.  Again.  This time, friends of ours are leaving the country for good.  Sigh.  It's hard.  And what makes it harder is my kids are taking it hard. This guy was one of our boys' first friends here.

 This part of the missionary life is just hard.  There is no other way to say it.  Someone told me once that we weren't made for goodbyes.  Yep, I would say that's true.

This goodbye has been especially difficult on our oldest.  He's been crying about it for a week now.

We've talked about how it's good to cry, to feel the pain, but also to celebrate the times that we've had with them.  A couple of weeks ago we had a Despidida (going away party) at our house for them.  It was such a fun day, but hard too.  Last night we drove the 45 minutes down the mountain to see them for the last time here in Costa Rica.  These things are important.  They give us time to say goodbye, to remember, to celebrate and to grieve.

And I pray that my boys will not become hardened with all of these goodbyes.  I want them to stay soft, to embrace people, not hold them at a distance because they are afraid they will leave.

How about you?  How do you help your kids through all of the goodbyes this life brings us?

School, One of the Great Mysteries of Life

Ok.  Let's talk school.

Sigh.  This is such a huge point of confusion in our house right now.  Let me give you a bit of background.

Ok.  We have a 6 year old, a 4 year old and a 10 month  old.  During language school our two oldest were in the preschool (in Spanish) on the same campus as us.  The 10 month old was in my belly, absorbing all the Spanish and sucking all the life force out of me that he could.

Now that we are working in our ministry, we face all sorts of issues with school.  We decided to home school this year because we didn't know what any of our options would be.  And, just to complicate things a bit more, we decided to do this homeschooling on the Costa Rican school calendar, from February to December.

Ok...so now, we are realizing that the big piece of this puzzle we are missing is the Spanish. Since we are a English speaking family, and since the boys and I are home most days, we just aren't getting the Spanish interaction we should.  So now comes the really confusing part, all the options.

Do we:
A) Continue homeschooling on the Tico schedule and look for other Spanish options?

B) Continue homeschooling on an American schedule and look for other Spanish options?

C) Send them to the local public school 300 meters from our house, that's all in Spanish and who knows what the quality of the education is?

D) Send them to a bilingual private school on a Tico schedule?

E) Send them to a bilingual private school on an American schedule?

F) Buy a second car to take them to the private school?

G) Buy a motor scooter for my husband to drive to work so I can have the car to take them to a private school?

H)  Figure out the private busing system here and put my sweet baby faced 6 year old on a bus with strangers?

I) Bury our heads in the sand and pretend they don't need to go to school at all?

I know we are blessed by having options, but honestly, right now, I sorta wish we didn't, so that the decision would just be made for us.  But as I have talked to other friends around the globe, I realize we're not the only ones struggling with this decision.

I am trying to remember that God has called the whole family here.  So, that means our boys need to be here for God to grow them into the men He wants them to be.  And, whatever choice we make doesn't have to be forever.   Every day I pray for wisdom from the One who promises that if we ask for it, He'll give it to us. But we still don't know what we are suppose to do.  So we keep waiting and praying.

Goodness, I feel like a I do a whole lot more asking questions here than being helpful.  But maybe in the process of me asking the question to all of you, you will be able to help not only me, but someone else.  At least that's what I am going to tell myself, hehehe.

So, what do you do for schooling?  What led you to make that choice?  And what in the world should we do?  Ha!   

Meet...Christie!

You gals really made me think!! Here's a go at what comes to mind for the questions you sent...

How do your girls feel about living in Paraguay? Was it challenging for them to move there? How old were they when you moved? Do you mind sharing how old your girls are? and what are they thinking about after high school? 

They are now 14 and 16, and were 9 and 11 when we moved here.  They’ve had tough spots at times from lack of friends, missing family, the macho culture here, and feeling a bit disconnected.  But since we’ve moved to a larger town last year, it’s been worlds better for them.  I actually blogged about that yesterday, about how they’re developing and adjusting over time.

Earlier this year (younger on left)

As far as what they’ll do after high school, well, that’s a big question right now.  The 16-yr-old is a planner and would like to have it all mapped out, but she’s undecided if she’d like to move to the US as soon as she “graduates” for college there (probably living with or near grandparents), or if she’d like to study here, or if she should take a gap year and explore what she feels like is her missions calling while learning a trade (cosmetology, cooking?—both of which are very accessible here).  She feels God is calling her to Europe but we don’t know anyone there yet. She'd like to “look around” there a bit before deciding what to study, because she feels more drawn to tent-making missions.  It’s a source of much stress for her that these questions are all in the air, and the truth is, I don’t know how to advise her.  Feel free to pray about this for us.  J  The other daughter lives one day at a time and hasn’t even begun to think past the current calendar year, nor does she want to.  That’s a whole ‘nother post….

What's your favorite thing about being a missionary mom? What is your least favorite one? 

Not long after we'd first moved to PY

I love watching my girls interact with people who don’t seem to have much in common with us, seeing them recognize that really we all have the most important things in common.  I think that all things considered, what they're learning and experiencing far outweighs the down side of this mission life, and I'm thrilled that God moved us here while the girls were still young enough to be part of it all.

Least favorite:  Well, in another life I was a full-time, stay-at-home mom (before coming on the field), and now that we’re here, I don’t feel the same liberty to focus 100% on my family like before.  I feel huge pressure to do MORE than that now that I’m called a “missionary.” Like my ministry to the family isn’t enough.  I naturally have more time for things outside of family now that my girls are older and more independent, but as y’all know, life here means more time homemaking (cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.)  I feel like I COULD spend all my time just helping my family function/survive, but there is this pressure (some of it real, some of it I put on myself) to be “productive” in the ministry by someone else’s standard.  The pull between those things is my least favorite part of being a missionary mom.  That, and worrying about whether my girls will marry Paraguayans or Americans or some other nationality, boiling down to how far apart we may live from them one day.  L 

Where do you find out more about free on line classes - and if they are free, do they count as continuing ed credits, etc.?

I google to find sites that are specific to the ministry I’m looking into, then look for training resources.  For example, on the site for Prison Fellowship Ministries, I found a series of videos and a quiz after each one.  In orality evangelism, I found this site and this one with similar training.  Also, lots of colleges are now offering free classes (google “free online college courses” and a trillion links appear), some with online textbooks, video lectures, a syllabus--the whole shabang, totally free.  A few have a printable certificate at the end, but most of these don’t offer anything “official.”  I don’t have any requirements for continuing education, though.  I just do this for my own benefit. 

Tea or coffee? And what is your favorite flavor or kind?  

Neither.  If pressed, I’ll take tea, either hot or good ole' South Carolina sweet iced tea.  But I prefer kool-aid (which kind folks mail to me here) or Paraguayan tereré.

What are some of the curriculums that you've used, since you say that you've experienced every type?

We started with Abeka and Bob Jones because I was nervous and wanted someone to walk me through each step. Then we did KONOS unit studies for a few years.  Since then, we’ve done Math-U-See, Saxon math, Apologia sciences, Latina Christiana, Shurley Grammar, Easy Grammar, Daily Grams, various public school texts, Classical Conversations, Mystery of History, Fallacy Detective Logic, Drive-Thru History, Christian Liberty Press history, Spelling Power, PACEs, Wordsmith, Writing Strands… I’m sure I’ve left a few out, but those come to mind right away.  Oh, yeah, we did Switched on Schoolhouse for a couple of years here in PY, with high hopes but low success.  We’re now using Tapestry of Grace (love it but it’s a lot of work), Apologia chemistry, Teaching Textbooks Algebra II, Jacob’s Geometry, Write Source, and some supplemental internet freebies.

What is your favorite thing about Paraguay and what is the food like there?  

We're horrible about forgetting to take family
photos.  This one's a few years
old, but don't you love how patriotic we
look under the flag?!  hee hee  ;)  Now, the
girls are as tall as I am! 

I don’t think I could narrow it down to one thing if I tried.  I adore living here.  There is such a feeling of community, of togetherness.  And I do love the strong cultural identity here.  PY is a small country that lost a lot of territory in wars with much larger countries over the years, wars that had the potential to totally annihilate them.  They’re pretty fresh out of dictatorship.  The people have a survivor’s spirit after so much hardship.  We have two official languages, Spanish and the native Guarani, which blend together into what’s called Jopara, unique to here.  So all around us they speak Spanish (and Portuguese) and little Paraguay has its own thing going.

Beef is big industry here, so it’s a carnivore’s world.  The fruits and veggies are great, too, from the tropical climate, but typical foods are fried (empanadas, a fried pancake thingy called a tortilla, country-fried steak or chicken that they call milanesa) or carb-heavy (rice-based guiso and noodle-based tallarines).  It’s VERY tough to eat healthy unless you can manage to always eat at home, which isn’t exactly culturally appropriate.

If you want more details about life in PY, I just read this great article in a NY Times post that sums it up well.

Why Paraguay? 

The super short version?  We felt the call to Latin America, thought we’d be going to Peru, ended up in Paraguay, found out the reason we’d come wasn’t going to work out, but felt this was where God wanted us all along and had used the other events to get us here.  It's turned out to be a great fit for our prior ministry and life experience and the personality of our family.  

Thanks for letting me share about my family and this country we have come to adore.  I’m looking forward to reading about all of you!

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Next up, Danielle:

If we sat down to have a cup of coffee, I would want to hear your story, and share a little bit of mine.

First there was a time in my life where I vowed I would never move south of Texas because of a difficult short-term missions experience.  I also was all set to go to another continent before God turned things upside down and called our family to El Salvador!

Since moving here, language learning has been harder than I thought, but it hasn't been my biggest frustration...you would hear about that when the subject turned to our children and education.

I would also share how I now have a passion for a ministry that was never on my radar during our pre-move planning and preparation.  Of course, I would also share all the things that make El Salvador unique and special to our family.

If you have any questions about me or about El Salvador, post them in the comments and I will answer them soon!

Easter in Color

In Latin America, everything is done in color, and Easter is no exception! Our family has started a tradition of viewing the colorful "alfombras" (carpets) which fill the streets each Good Friday. These alfombras are made of sand and sawdust which is dyed and used to create beautiful images depicting Christ's life and death. Many people get up at dawn to begin work on their space, and they spend all day in the bright sun creating a vibrant carpet where the Good Friday procession will pass on their way to evening services. We love taking the time each Good Friday to remember Christ's death, and enjoy the culture where we live.

Here is some of the color we saw in the streets yesterday:

Happy Easter to those of you who will be celebrating tomorrow! How does your family celebrate? What traditions have you incorporated from your host country to make Easter more meaningful for your family?

Our Children's Ministry

I've just returned from a ladies conference... more specifically, a missionary ladies retreat, hosted by the gals of Titus Women.  For about 40 hours, they shared their hearts with us, encouraged us, spent time listening to us.  They came armed with goodie bags, books, and snacks to spoil us a bit, and were ready and waiting to to have those important chats we women crave--those that end in solid advice and a good prayer.  It was a time of refreshing that we all needed and enjoyed.

One of the things that touched me most was that a mom on the ministry team brought her sweet daughter along.  She was only 11 years old and many would have said she'd be in the way or it might not be the place for her, but that young girl ministered to us all through her servanthood. She was gofer for those of us with full hands.  She rocked sleepy babies and entertained bored toddlers so moms could hear the Word.  She stood right up there in the middle of the other 4 ladies on the team, singing her heart out in praise and worship.  She prayed for us and had mature, meaningful conversations over meals.  I don't know who was more proud of her--her mom or all of us ladies in the crowd, identifying with what it's like to involve our children in the work of the Lord.

I thought of all the times I've had the privilege to see my children involved in kingdom work.  Sometimes it's been the natural sort of ministry that comes from reaching out to a neighbor.  Sometimes it's that "shoved on them" kind like having to sing a solo as part of our missions presentation in churches.  And other times it's purposeful and planned, taking advantage of the gifts we see developing in them.  What a joy it is to watch them mature in the Lord and see Him use them in His service!

In what ways are your children involved in your family's ministry?  In what way are they involved in their own?

Special Considerations for MK Teens

Being a parent of third-culture kids—missionary kids in particular—is a challenge at any stage.  Being the mom of teen MK’s comes with its own special fun.

The changes that occur during adolescence can be quite unsettling.   You remember those days, right?  Insecurity, trying to fit in, wondering who you are, dealing with peer pressure.  Hours in front of the mirror, indecision about what you'll wear, drama in all your social circles.

These problems are exponentially increased living in a culture where your teen is obviously "not from around here," and where cultural differences can make even simple stuff seem complicated.

How can we make this time of transition a bit smoother for them?

Make home a safe haven.  Of course, this is our goal as moms, no matter the ages of our children.  But when your teen’s self-esteem is being assaulted outside the walls of your house, it’s crucial.  Although sarcasm and complaining may seem to be your child’s new love language, take the high road.  Jokes about frizzy hair and clumsiness and cracking voices are probably best left unsaid.  Don’t put up with bickering that often gets ugly between siblings.  Yeah, I know.  Easier said than done.  But kids of all ages need to be able to let their guard down around those who love them best.

Build self-esteem.  Where we live, folks have no problem pointing, staring, or calling names if someone is different.  Having two tall daughters with pale skin and blonde hair has led to more awkward public scenes than I care to remember.  So more than ever, it’s important that they feel safe talking to us about how that makes them feel, and that they feel secure in who they are.  Hopefully this is something that’s been a part of your relationship before now, but it’s time to step it up a notch.  How?

Point out how much you admire her fashion sense, or how you like the new way he’s styling his hair.  Accentuate the positive by focusing on your child’s God-given talents.  For us, that means blocking out a chunk in our home school schedule for one child to have time for drawing and painting, as well as investing in a few supplies she needs for that.  It means driving the other to music lessons each week and figuring out how to get our hands on an instrument for practicing. Those aren’t the most convenient changes to make, but the results in self-esteem and stress relief are notable.

Be a good friend.  Peer interaction usually blossoms at this stage of development, and parents find themselves less involved in everyday life.  But what if there aren’t many friends around, or safety is a factor?  Step up and take interest in their interests.  Download good music in her style, find a shared hobby, go on mini-dates for ice cream or a walk in the park.  Despite the eye-rolling you might see when first suggesting this, teens in any culture appreciate one-on-one time with Mom or Dad.  During this time, try to put yourself more on the level of a friend, rather than discuss the chore list or bringing grades up. 

And if your teen does find a good, solid friend, facilitate time together.  As a mom here, I’m much more comfortable knowing where my girls are, so we invite their friends over, making our home youth-friendly—snacks, music, movies, space to goof off.   

Keep God’s plan front and center.  We see pornography splashed across billboards and on magazine covers at every corner.  It’s the norm for public television, which is being broadcast in practically every store we enter.  The music being played at full blast in our neighborhood and around town is full of lewd lyrics.  And men of all ages are whistling, motioning, and calling out to my girls.  This isn’t the time to go silent about sticky topics.  

Find ways to converse naturally about whatever you’re facing in your particular corner of the world.  Provide examples of a life lived well—solid movies, good books, clean music, positive role models, whatever you can to combat the frequency of exposure to “the darker side”.  And remind them every chance you get that they are unique creations with a Father who designed them just right.

What challenges do your kids face?  How have you adapted your parenting methods to cope with this? 

In which I'm charged by a hippo...

I finally made it to the Parc W for a combo camping/safari trip! I considered it a major accomplishment; the last several tries, I've ended up staying home with sick littlers while my husband took the biggers. It was a fabulous trip - well worth the effort, and something I'd recommend to anyone traveling through this part of the world! 

We did have one very exciting-to-the-point-of-actually-scary moment, however.

Photo by Melissa Gray.

Friends offered to give us a boat ride (thankfully they had an outboard motor), and we were cruising around a large island in the middle of the Niger River where elephants often tramp around, crashing through trees looking for something to eat. That was what we were hoping to see! Several other animal call that island home as well, so we also looked for monkeys, birds, crocodile slides and hippos; you don't navigate the Niger without  continually scouting for those creatures. Since the growth along the edge of the river was thick, we were puttering along only about 20 feet or so from the shore.

I sat in the front of the boat. As we trolled quietly, I gently and repeatedly reminded the kids to stay quiet so they wouldn't startle any animals we hoped to see. Out of nowhere, a flash of grey starts running along the shore only visible in glimpses through the thinner plant growth. I pointed at it, but couldn't exactly tell what it was due to the speed at which it was moving and the brevity of those glimpses.

Then we came to a small, slightly open place.

Photo by Melissa Gray.

That flash of gray was a lumbering hippo racing for the water. Those animals can run, FAST! When it reached the break in the trees and growth, it turned towards the river, and plunged in... just as we passed directly in front of the enormous creature. That crash into the river spawned a tiny tsunami, rocking our boat - in more ways than one...

The motor instantly roared into a much higher gear... and our boat captain guided us out of there!

Photo by Melissa Gray.

He and I talked about what happened... after we were several hundred meters away, back up the river and again cruising slowly in much deeper water.

Neither one of us believes that the hippo was actually charging us, per se. We imagine it dozing and sunning itself when out of the blue we cruised by, motor puttering. It heard the motor, and on top of that, the high pitched voices of small children. It startled, panicked and then rushed headlong for the safety inherent submerged in the river. 

...Or? 

That's what we insist (and I will continue to insist) on telling ourselves since believing that comforts compared to thinking the animal was angered and responding aggressively... Hippos DO, after all, have a nasty reputation throughout Africa and among those populating the shore and earning their livelihood in, on and around this river.

Getting charged by a hippo is not the only point of this post, however.

Seeing that creature rumbling along pell-mell but also directly toward a boat containing me and several of my munchkins... while knowing the potential consequences should we have  any closer of an encounter than we did... inspired certain thoughts and rather intense, volatile feelings and emotions...

...thoughts, feelings and emotions with which I've been living for what seems like a really long forever right now.

For God appears to be up to something. As best we can tell, He seems to be pushing us towards a significant change. We aren't sure exactly what it is, but it feels as if it is charging towards us.

Our son graduates from high school this June, and while our original plan was that he'd be returning to the States for a gap year, probably working with someone in our church, God continues to impress upon our hearts that we all need to return to the States at this time... Once there, we will have the time and space to discern the next step the Lord has for us. We don't know that we won't be back to our present field of service. But we are leaving for this home assignment also not knowing that we will.

And so, while we always feel the pressure of finishing a term well, winding things up so that we don't leave preventable strings and loose ends hanging around over which others may trip or have to knot them together is much different this time.

Over the next few months, I'll be sharing about our journey. I'm likely to share a bit about how we, as a larger than average family, prepare for home assignment, how we help our children to finish a term well and then make the perhaps permanent (or at the very least for some of them long-term) transition back to life in our home country. And since I "think with my fingers as I write," hopefully this will help me to process all of the many upcoming changes through which our family is about to adventure.

As I think about all that entails, my heart is pounding just as hard and fast as the butterflies flitting and fluttering around in my tummy and that mild but never quite completely letting up surging of adrenalin continues to pulse.

Just like it did when that hippo crashed into the water, mere feet from our boat.

*****************************

How about you? 

Do you have any major changes coming up in your life, 

about which you are free to share?

How do you deal with/help your children cope with all of the imminent change and transition that will ever be a part of the expat lifestyle?

- Thanks to Melissa Gray for kindly sharing several of the hippo photos in this post!