Worth Fighting For

I've recently started something new... and NOW... I'm wondering why in the world I fought it so long.

It literally seems crazy that it has taken me so long to even give it a try, but then again, I've got eight kids and the past 20+ years have been mind-foggingly busy. I didn't think I had time to try and figure out how to fit one more thing in my schedule, especially something that required time and resulted in very little that could be considered "productive."

I've begun taking a "mini-sabbatical" day - aiming for one such day once every two weeks. During that day, I mostly don't do any of the normal daily work/chores/etc. Instead I read, sleep, try a new recipe, work on the kids' scrapbooks, watch TV or movies, write letters just for the fun of it, just write without the purpose of publishing on a blog or in a partnership building letter, read some more, participate in ministries/volunteer/community stuff that I've never tried before, etc... I'm sure you get the idea.

I say "mostly" because I still have to help pack lunches and get the kids off to school. I still have to help with homework. Dinner still needs to be prepared. Sometimes bills need to be paid on that day, or a kid needs to see the dentist. But for the most part, my husband takes the kids to school and I have an entire day to do what I want instead of trying to get done all that needs to be done, all that I think others expect of me.

I'm discovering that while it's not necessarily been a good practice for crossing things off of that ever-growing to do list, it has been good for my health - particularly emotionally and spiritually. And as I'm not getting any younger, I'm finding that the stress of not ever having any (enough remains on the bucket list) down time has a definite physical impact on my body.

On one of my recent "mini-sabbaticals," I was watching an episode from a favorite television show we'd downloaded, and there was an interesting bit of conversation-leading-to-reconciliation between a young adult daughter and her mom. 

Essentially? 

Daughter confesses that she needs to stop defining Mom based on her mother's very worst moments. Instead, Daughter recognizes that life is complicated, that they can disagree and that even in the midst of those disagreements, she can respect Mom for the pretty incredible things her mother has accomplished, as well as the values she has consistently modeled for Daughter.

Yeah...

Stop and think about that.

What if I fought defining the people in my life by their worst moments? That doesn't mean I forget those bad moments or that I continue to allow someone who's hurt me to continue to hurt me and/or others. But it does mean I choose a conscious recognition that people are far more than a two-dimensional caricature. It means acknowledging that every single person is multifaceted, a sinner in complex and broken world, and that probably most of them do not have a personal relationship with Jesus. Thus, I am judging without real knowledge if I try and use a single act or a particular exposure to define him or her. 

In John 7, Jesus gives the instruction to ""Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly." In other words, judgments - as in pronouncing judgment and passing sentence - shouldn't be made prior to a complete - or at the very least, more complete - picture.

I can't help but wonder.

How much better might my relationships (casual or intimate, business or pleasure, lifelong or "seasonal") be if simply refused to give those those momentary glimpses of someone at their worst more weight than any or all others, if I focused more on seeing God's image in that person, and the potential of what h/she could be?

Sadly, it doesn't appear to be a mindset that comes easily or naturally. 

Unlike my new "mini-sabbatical" habit - something that I fought against for a really long time but that is quickly becoming a habit almost as necessary and welcome as breathing, learning to not define people by those vivid and worst moments will be something I'll have to fight for, every day, for the rest of my life as it does not appear to be a governing tendency, desire or instinct that just characteristically flows out of my being.

Besides all that, there's another reality.

As Wayne Dyer so aptly said, "When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."

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Any strategies, teachings, practices you use... or that you'd recommend... to help those of us who struggle with this sort of judgmentalism fight for something different? Something better?

A Prayer for "After..."

This is isn't the blog post I've been planning to write... the one I've been working on.

But as we face another imminent transition in upcoming months... this IS where my heart has been resting, where my mind has been dwelling much... 

The story starts with an evening years ago, 

hanging out around a campfire with family and friends in one of our favorite Niger spots, 

watching the sun set from a West African sand dune...

Three gals, traipsed over the sand dunes - probably heading home before dark. I captured them with my telephoto lens in not the best of light. Their picture intrigued me then. Perhaps more accurately, it haunts me, now.

I wonder about their stories.

They could be sisters. That isn't hard for me to imagine... 

I can easily picture my four oldest girls walking along through the sand~ wrapped in wild African print, draped in light weight, flowing scarves, scuffing $1 cheap flip-flops along the sand and munching on a piece of fruit. They'd chatter and meander, enjoying a reprieve from the unrelenting sun that now ducked behind the horizon. Immersed in each other's company just like these girls, mine would be mostly oblivious to any and everything else going on around them. 

Then a thought crossed my mind: I wondered if two could be keeping the third company as she'd been sent to a nearby market to buy millet which she'll then pound before preparing her family's meal. 

That second scenario isn't so much like my girls' story... 

...and not because my girls never run to a nearby shack, 

buy then bring something home, and 

prepare it for the rest of the family.

They, in fact, have often been asked to do something just like that.

They are, several times every day in fact, still asked to do something similar - something that contributes not to their fun and amusement but to the well-being of our family.

But other times they lay on their bed and watch YouTube or Fairytail videos on a Kindle... read books they've checked out from the library... walk back over to the school next door just to work, earning money they then deposit in the bank and use to fund many of the fun or frivolous things teenage girls love to do... dream of another wedding in Southern California... picture seeing friends from Niger soon... look forward to celebrating a might-as-well-be-a-brother's wedding... imagine a high school graduation and all that comes next... share war stories about working on earning that drivers' license and having to drive with Mama clutching the door and trying to appear calm just to do so...  encouraging one another for yet another round of imminent upcoming goodbyes... 

My girls loved and miss their life in Niger and are so thankful for the opportunity they have had to spend so much of their growing up time in that place, even knowing all of the things they've "missed" in the States. Now, barely shy of two years back in America, they miss Africa and their friends there something awful, but have come to terms with that because "after Niger" has always existed for them... They've always had something farther off and more away just over the metaphorical horizon.

It is not the same for those three girls growing up in a village in Niger, which, according to the 2013 United Nations Human Development report, is still ranked low... 187 out of 187... Niger is a land whose people are - particularly women, girls and children - almost ALL vulnerable.

The girls in this photo? They probably do not know how to read, even if they were permitted to attend school for 2-3 years. They may have never seen a television, much less surfed the internet. They may already be married and have children waiting for them back by their huts. Their husbands or fathers may have a cell phone... however it is unlikely that they would carry one. For them, their "after" is Niger... and mostly just as they know it.

I hope my girls never forget just how blessed they've been, how much lavish grace they've been gifted. I hope that, in my concerns and sometimes anxieties for their future, I never forget.

I pray that after Niger and that even as we transition from home assignment to a place that couldn't be more different, they never forget... and begin to feel entitled. 

I can see that danger nipping at their heels, at my heels, already. 

I hope they fight hard against their own entitlement and a culture that increasingly encourages narcissism, and that each time they start to believe and presume desires (even the worthy ones) to be needs or rights, they consciously recall and fix in their minds images like the one above... and then really remember how amazingly gifted their lives have already been...

I hope they remember that their "afters" are ALWAYS gifts to be shared, sacrificed, spent and well-stewarded... for the benefit of others and the glory of God...

...for the rest of their lives.

May it ever be so... for each one of us.

Rewrite/rework of an original post entitled

A Prayer for "After"

and published on Our Wright-ing Pad

April 5, 2013.

With Eyes Lifted Up

 

This is "my" mountain... the one that we could see clearly from the living room window of our first house here in our small town in Costa Rica.  It is the same one that I could see from the corner of our front porch in our second house, and, when I needed some soul refreshment, the one that I could see in all of its majesty by walking past the mango grove and to the end of our street.  Every Sunday, we drive out of town towards our church, down one steep mountainside, over a one-lane bridge, and then up to the neighborhood where our church building is currently located, at the foot of this beautiful mountain.  For me, this mountain has been a steady landmark -- one that I can find on the horizon to get directions straight in our little town where there are no addresses and very few street names.  Seeing it helps me know where I am, as well as give a reminder of our church family, the reason we're here.

But, most of all, this mountain frequently brings to mind one of my favorite verses in the Psalms:

"I lift my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."  - Psalm 121:1

While I loved this verse in my college days of spending summers in the Colorado Rockies, it first became a great encouragement to me when my husband and I were newlyweds and were in Guatemala City.  I was overwhelmed by the poverty that was so prevalent and by the crime and real danger we were exposed to there.  I found myself crying out to the Lord, "I don't know if I can live here!".  God gently reminded me to lift my eyes, not just to the beauty of the volcanoes and mountains surrounding the city (which were so easy to not see when overwhelmed by what we were seeing on the streets!), but to Him, my help.

A couple of years later, God redirected us to Costa Rica, and to language school in the capital city, San José, where at first my focus was too much on the barred windows, the high concrete walls, and razor wire surrounding each building.  It seemed scary, and definitely wasn't the physical beauty my heart longed for.  But, again, God reminded me of Psalm 121- to lift my eyes up, not just to the hint of a mountain I could see if I stood at just the right angle on our apartment's balcony, but up further to Him who promises to watch over me.  I had to choose what I was going to focus on - my overwhelming, unfamiliar surroundings, or my God who is my help. 

our well secured apartment building in San José, Costa Rica (that still got broken into!)

There might not always be beautiful mountains to bless our physical eyes, but we can always direct our spiritual eyes to Him.  I remember a couple of years after moving out of the city to our ministry location, I found myself back in downtown San José, with our daughter in the NICU, after she was born a month early... when the country was in a state of national emergency because of flooding and landslides (that morning, a landslide had blocked the road to the hospital... but that's a story for another day!).  While I stood next to her crib, I looked out the window of the NICU and panic filled me as I stared at the seemingly endless sprawl of corrugated metal roofs, trash, and run-down buildings.  I couldn't see any mountains - physical or figurative - to lift my eyes to!  My thoughts were quickly rushing towards fear and doubt about our decision to have our baby in a developing country.  I remember God's comfort, "Lift your eyes to Me, Sarah.  Your help comes from Me.  I am watching over you and your baby." 

I wish I could say that that memorable moment was a total turning point for me, because it was so significant in my process of accepting Costa Rica as my home... but, I still struggle with letting my surroundings and circumstances govern my feelings and focus.  We recently moved to a different house, and I've been feeling disoriented now that I can't see "my" mountain.  But, God is working on me, reminding me that the point of lifting my eyes to the hills isn't to just to be blessed by their beauty, but to be reminded of Him who is my true strength and help. 

As I post this, I'm praying for all of us - that we will be women who live with eyes lifted up to our Maker, whatever our surroundings and circumstances might be!

"He will not let your foot slip - He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, He who watches over Israel will not slumber nor sleep.  The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." - Psalm 121:3-8

I would love to hear from you.  Is it hard to move your focus off of what is difficult about your current surroundings and on to God?  What has been encouraging you lately to live with eyes lifted up to Him? 

Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Days like Thanksgiving can be hard for those of us serving overseas, far away from our families and without all of the resources to make the traditional Thanksgiving meal we grew up with.  It helps me to remind myself of some of the unique blessings I have because of the life of ministry we are living here in Costa Rica.  Here are my top ten:

1. Surrounded by natural beauty

Seriously, I so often look around and think, "I can't believe I live here!"  While we live real life here (and not the resort life some may associate with Costa Rica), we are blessed with daily views of God's amazing creation.  Whether it's in the breathtaking views of mountains and volcanoes I see just driving around town, or in the intricate details of the tropical flowers and birds in my garden, the natural beauty I witness here is awe-striking.

one of our favorite views in our Costa Rican hometown

2.   Good coffee and fresh produce

I was not a coffee drinker before moving to Costa Rica.  But, we live in a coffee town here; the coffee we drink is grown, harvested, dried and roasted here in our little town.  It's really, really good... and has converted me into a coffee lover.  We are also spoiled year-round with wonderful fresh fruit and vegetables from our farmer's market.  We might not have easy access to cranberries or pecans for today's Thanksgiving dinner, but the local fruit here always tastes so much more real (does that make sense?).  One time after taking a bite of pineapple in the States, our son scrunched up his face and said, "That is NOT piña!" (piña = pineapple)

our kids watching a local farmer dry his coffee beans

3.  Small town living

While it took some adjusting, I love living in a small, Costa Rican town.  I love that whenever I'm out running errands, I almost always run into someone I know.  I love that our kids (along with pretty much every other school kid in the whole town!) are in the Independence Day parade and that our son has been part of the town's yearly musical festival.  I love being able to walk to the stores, and I love sitting in our central park and people watching.  Life in a big city appeals to me, too, but I am thankful for our little town during this stage in our lives.

our daughter in our town's Independence Day parade

4.   Worshipping in a second language

One of my dreams when we moved here was that my Spanish would improve to a point where I could truly worship and commune with God in Spanish.  It's been a long process that included a lot of Sundays of standing outside the church building in the intense tropical sun, bouncing my crying baby in a sling (can you mamas relate?), or arriving home from church completely exhausted from the mental work of staying engaged in Spanish during the worship, sermon, and conversations.  But, now I feel that I can truly worship God in Spanish, and it gives such a precious glimpse of eternity worshipping Him with people from every nation and language.

worshipping with our church here

5.  Women's ministry

I love working together with some other women from our church to build up our women's ministry and to reach out to other women in our community.  I am blessed and challenged each week as I facilitate a women's Bible study and work to encourage and strengthen other women.  This ministry strongly pulls at my heart, and sharing my heart and life with these women is one of my main highlights of our life here in Costa Rica.

this year's women's conference - an outreach event to our community

6.  Life of adventure

I'm sure that this is true for you all, too; choosing to live in another country has opened us up to a life of adventure.  Whether it's going after a snake with a machete, or maintaining the constant battle with the ants, or tackling the red tape adventures of the immigration department, life is never without a new adventure here.  We also get to enjoy the adventure of exploring new places, learning a new language, and meeting new people. 

one of our favorite Costa Rican adventures - a hike to this turquoise river

7.  Kid-loving culture

One of my first impressions when we moved here with a baby was that Costa Ricans absolutely adore children!  Babies and children are usually the recipient of admiration and love wherever they go.  Especially during this stage of parenting little children, it is such a blessing to live in a culture where kids are so highly valued and loved.  Our kids are growing up far away from our families, but they have many Costa Rican "grandparents," "aunts," and "uncles."



our kids having fun with our pastor - one of their Costa Rican "uncles"

8.  Closeness as a family

Sharing in this adventure (with both its highs and lows!) together has made us grow closer as a couple and as a family.  Building a new life in a new country has strengthened us in ways that I don't think we would have experienced elsewhere.  Our kids have a very close relationship, maybe because, as third culture kids, there are few other kids their age that understand them as fully as their sibling does.

our little family in front of our home sweet Costa Rican home

9.  Changed perspective

My perspective has changed throughout our years living here.  I find myself being thankful more often for things that I used to take for granted.  Hearing the pelting rain on our metal roof six months of the year has led me to thank God for simply the roof over our heads more than I ever did before (even if there are several persistent leaks!).  The reality of frequent power outages and having water coming into our house from the street only certain hours of the day makes me so thankful when the light does turn on with the flip of a switch, or when water pours out of the faucet in more than a trickle.  Additionally, living in a more event-focused culture, rather than my native time-oriented culture, has taught me to slow down and invest more in what is truly important: relationships.

10.  New home

Something clicked after about two years living in Costa Rica, pretty soon after our daughter was born here.  This started to feel like home.  Now, four years later, this definitely feels like home... to the extent that I feel a little strange and out of place when we are visiting the States.  I don't quite "fit" there any more, but, at the same time, I don't completely "fit" here either.  I'm kind of a foreigner in either place!  This has led me to a greater understanding that my true home is in Christ, with the hope and promise of an eternal home with Him.

with the flag of our adopted earthly home

We all probably find ourselves this Thanksgiving at different places in our thankfulness about our host countries.  Some of you may still be in the honeymoon phase of feeling like everything is wonderful!  Others may be just out of that stage and in full-on culture shock, finding it hard to like anything, really.  And, still others may be in a place where you can more realistically see both the good and the challenges of where you live.  Whichever category you fit in, I'd encourage you today to list some of what you love about your host country and culture.  Count your blessings!

Would you share with us some of your favorite things about where you live and serve?  Or, even do a similar top ten list and leave a link to your blog in the comments?  

 

"Eternally Content"

Hello! We're right at the beginning of another quarter, and we're still ironing out plans for what will be coming up. It looks like it will be a slightly quieter time, but there will still be plenty to read through and interact over here each week.


We recently moved to our first house. After 12 years of living in apartments, it's a dream come true! Really, I didn't even know that it would be this nice. I'm still walking around grinning most days, just thinking about how nice it is. It's actually half a house, though. We have very close neighbors living in the other side of the house, and I'm glad of that, too. I was afraid living in a house with a fenced off yard would be lonely for me. (Hah!) But... how do I put this gently? Our neighbor is a little hard to please.

Other neighbors describe her as "вечно недовольна," which is literally "eternally unhappy." When I heard that I started thinking about what they might say about me. Do people think of me as generally happy or unhappy? How can I avoid complaining, and avoid it so much that I could earn the opposite label: I'd love to be known as "happy with everything" or "eternally happy"!

Then, the next thing that hit me was that word "eternal." Obviously, they didn't mean it literally, but it just might be. That's when the compassion started to flow in me. It's hard to be irritated with her when I'm thinking about loving her and remembering the "eternal" part of the equation.

So, I can be happy because my eternity is settled, and I can love someone who seems a little difficult, because I'm remembering her eternal soul. At least, that's what I'm striving for. It's been good for me to actually think this out and repeat it to myself often over the past few weeks.

What about you? Surely I'm not the only missionary who has to be reminded quite often about why we're really here! And how can we pray for your relationships with your neighbors? (Please pray for grace and wisdom for me.)

Homeland Security

Is it weird to say that I felt safer with my family

• living in W Africa with all the possibilities for disease, injury or illness
• knowing (as we watched military planes fly up river and then return) that there was a full-fledged war going on just a couple hundred miles up river
• recognizing that terrorist activity was all around us... and probably infiltrating our "neighborhood" as well
• driving in developing country traffic every single day...

than I do living in the developed west?

photo from one of the local Niamey newspapers

It may be weird, but it is true ~ and this is the first furlough I've EVER felt this way.

Usually, it has been a huge sigh of relief to land back in this land and re-realize that

• the hospital and emergency room are literally down the road and around the corner - like 3 minutes away
• reading about wars and rumors of wars that now seem distant and far away although still heartbreaking
• not even hardly thinking about terrorist activity unless we get a warning from the US embassy that used to be just down the road and then worrying and praying and worrying and praying... for our friends
• driving on freeways where 60 mph is taken for granted - almost every single day and there are real road signs to give me a clue where I am...

but this time, I'm struggling to feel that same peace and relief!

This is the first time I've ever seriously worried about the affects of living in the United States for more than a vacation on my family... on my children... on me.

It hit home, not suddenly and right away, but has crept up a bit stealthily.

We landed at the Detroit airport and were met there by a grandfather, an aunt and dear friends - a family we dearly love and count among some of our favorite people. Of course, our big kids were all excited to see and greet a few favorite peers. The two littlest girls, however, really didn't remember anyone from our previous home assignment, and were initially quite hesitant. It didn't take them long to connect with our dear friend, however... and now every time they see their "auntie-by-choice" they go running for a hug.

One thing that has both amused and embarrassed me, however, has been my girls' fascination with our friend's fingernails. She goes fairly regularly to a salon and has her nails manicured. A new thing for these girls (their mama tends to bite her fingernails and has never even painted them, much less gone for a manicure), their fascination - at least at first - bordered on, if it didn't fall right over the line, downright obsessive. So much so that at times, I think our friend has not quite been sure what to do.

At first, I just found this funny. I mean, they've grown up with women and girls regularly getting intricate henna designs inked onto their hands and feet or spending hours having tiny, detailed patterns and braids woven into their hair. It isn't like this is the first time they've had a friend go to a salon to have something fancy and beautiful done to look dressed up and feel pretty. I really didn't understand why they were so caught up in someone who had their fingernails done. Of course now they beg to get fancy nails themselves. Thankfully, my friend remains sweetly patient - and just laughs when our often goofy Elsie Mae grabs her hands to stare mesmerized at her fingernails... even if its the 83rd time and she did the exact same thing the day before.

So what's so scary?

I'm watching a similar pattern repeat itself in a myriad of ways - where that fascination with something different and new and lovely becomes a consuming compulsion and never fail recipe for discontentment.

Back in Niger, we could never forget that we were among those in this world who did have what we needed, and in abundance: shelter, clothing, food, water, friends who loved us, a calling for which we felt passionately, a God in whom we hoped and trusted... We also recognized quite often that we couldn't have everything we wanted or even thought we might need and that that really was better than okay. Our kids were quite familiar with regularly choosing contentment over entitlement. In other words, we loved (and devoured with our reconstituted milk) Oreos when someone sent or brought them from the States; we thrilled when we occasionally actually found them in one of the local grocery boutiques; but for the most part, those cookies never actually crossed our mind and were quite easy to live without, without a second thought.

Here, it is a totally different world. 

Within weeks, the abundance and overwhelming selection in the cereal aisle at the grocery store becomes a taken-for-granted sort of thing. Readily available abundance allows hearts to callous.. and then assume... and then insist. A single option in the house at breakfast time becomes not enough -  3 or 4 or more choices are necessary just for things to feel right, for children (and their parents - if I'm brutally honest) to be just barely satisfied, much less bask in overwhelmed gratitude for such an amazing and rich profusion of every imaginable opportunity. 

It becomes so easy, so commonplace... so expected... to focus on what this person or that person has that I don't... be it something simple like food, stylish jeans, a smart phone, or regular manicures. Maybe even worse? When God does, perchance, bless with said sorts of things, they become our source of security. They become our illusion of safety and control, replacing an ever present awareness of an absolute dependence on God.

And right now, I'm finding this reality scares me more than all those scary things back in Niger ever did.

"What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.   And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body..." (Matthew 10:27-28)

The 12 Spies of Canaan...Which One Are You?

12 men went to spy on Canaan, 10 were bad, 2 were good...

 

Do you remember singing that song in Sunday School?  Well, I taught this lesson in Sunday School a few weeks ago, and as I was preparing for the lesson the Lord really showed me some things.  I thought I'd share them with you.
 

 

Image courtesy of Google

 

These 10 spies looked at the land of Canaan and were overwhelmed, they didn't see how they could possibly inherit this land.  Although it flowed with milk and honey and had delicious grapes, it also was surrounded by tall walls and scary giants lived inside.  They didn't think it was possible.  They were scared.  They were negative.  They didn't think their God was big enough.  They saw the glass as half-empty.  Actually they probably saw it empty!

 

The 2 spies, Caleb and Joshua, they knew that if it was the Lord's will, He will would help them.  Where God guides He provides.  They knew that Canaan had tall walls around the city and it was filled with giants, but they also knew their God was far bigger.  They were positive.  They saw the glass as half-full.

 

 

Do you know someone who is like those 10 spies?  They look at things and see the glass is half empty.  They see the negative in all situations.

 

Do you know someone who is like those 2 spies?  They look at the situations and think, "If God brought us to it, He will bring us through it."

 

Which one are you like?

 

Awhile back God brought some negative people into our life that was like those 10 spies.  They told us a particular situation was difficult, that if we didn't do this or that correctly we'd never last, they were the glass is empty kind of people.  Thankfully God surrounded us with positive people, reminding us that God called us to do this, and He would give us the power to do it.

So what kind of person are you.  Do you see the good in the situation or do you see the bad?  Do you see the glass as half full or half empty?

Benefits of Living in a Pressure Cooker

I've been whining again.  Yes, again.  We are a few days from a trip to the U.S. (first one in three years) where we'll travel like crazy and visit as many churches and friends and family as we can pack into these short two months.  This is a catch-all trip, to touch base and reconnect but also to raise funds for opening a youth center in the city where we live.  I should be giddy, and I am quite excited, but I'm finding a whole lot of ways to whine.

Why do we only get one suitcase this time?  How will I bring back homeschooling books and underwear and socks and supplies for two or three more years in ONE suitcase?  Are we ever going to get everything packed up and ready to roll?  Why can't I settle on some perfect "partnership" trinket to take back for those who've stuck with us?  How will we fit everyone in? Why can't we afford to take longer furloughs like the cool missionaries?  Can't you kids just get along and let me think straight?  

And I realize that my mouth is speaking from the abundance of my heart.

I have said a trillion times how uncomfortable it is to live in the pressure cooker here, where the goal is just survival at times.  To acutely feel the lack of extended family and friends and a support system to fall back on when the going gets rough.  But tonight as I listened to myself whine, I realized that life in the pressure cooker has its benefits.

In the US, I found it much easier to camouflage my flaws, those places inside that weren't quite lovely.  It was so easy to take on another responsibility at church and feel justified in my ugliness, or take a trip to the thrift store and fill my emptiness with a giant bag full of cheap but fashionable finds.  I could call up a girlfriend and "express my righteous indignation" to have her back me up in my position and then share what made her mad that day.  It was easy to hide what I didn't want to see.

Here, it seems what's inside is just gonna come out.  No way around it, it's coming out.  I remember reading a warning to that effect on some missionary-prep website way back when, and thinking how tough that would be for "certain other people" I know and happen to live with.  I was still living in Delusional World and sure that I was the person I had convinced everyone I was.

And for a long time on the field, I blamed my impatience in traffic or my frustration with my husband or my overwhelming urge to scream at those guys who insist on washing my windshield at stoplights and casing the contents of my front seat as they do, on being stressed to the breaking point.  I was sure that the offender just happened to be the straw that broke this camel's back.  Okay, maybe there is a bit of truth to that sometimes, but I'm coming to realize that I'm just not as adept at hiding.  The world is simpler here on the other side of the border.  So simple that what you see is what you get, without the candy-coating.  And I don't always like what I see.

I'm learning, still, that instead of taking my burdens to whomever might listen, I have to take them to the One who should have been my first choice all along.  That makes it sweeter to deal with the lack of an intimate friend or relative here.  

I'm learning, still, that instead of hiding behind my to-do list and accomplishments as the self-appointed Sister Do-It-All, I have to take a genuine look at my motivations and reactions.  That makes it a bit easier to swallow not having a church community that feels more like family here.

I'm learning, still, that instead of running for food or shopping or a movie or whatever my latest cure-all is, I have to dig in and let God refresh me, let Him inspire me, let Him heal me.  I'd like to tell you that makes it easier to live without Goodwill or Krispy Kreme, but I'm not there yet.

I do at least have a clearer picture of who I really am and who God really is, and I guess that's a start.

Do you know yourself better as a result of being a missionary?  Have you found that the ugly things you recognize within you are products of this lifestyle, or were they there all along and are only easier to see now?   Do you whine?

photo credit: mr.donb

I'm a Work in Progress

 

I recently led a Bible Study on the Proverbs 31 woman.  I have done several studies on this lady, I don't feel I will ever measure up, but didn't think there was much else I could learn about her that I haven't already learned.

 

That's where I was completely wrong.

 

I began praying that God would work in my heart, that He would mold me into the woman He would have me to be. 

I thought I was ok.

I thought my marriage was ok.
I thought my relationship with my kids was ok.

It was ok, but it wasn't what God wanted.  He wanted more.  More of me.

 

Little things started happening.  I was getting frustrated.  Blaming Satan for trying to mess with my head before my Bible Study.  My kids would be running around like crazy just minutes before I was to leave.  For example, last week my floors had just been cleaned, I was finishing up my lesson for the evening, when my daughter came into my room and said my son  dropped a watermelon.  He was rolling the watermelon on my counter and it rolled off and splattered all over the floor.  Watermelon, watermelon juice, watermelon seeds...everywhere.  Did I mentioned the floors had just been cleaned?  Poor Cody, he kept saying, "I'm sorry, mom.  I'm really, really sorry, mom."  Me?  I broke down in tears.  I told him to sit and not move while I cleaned it up.  As I finished cleaning up the watermelon mess, he spilled a cup of orange juice all over the table, and yes, all over the floor.  Poor kid.  I didn't handle the situation like I should have. 

 

My tears were unnecessary.  My words were harsh.

I cleaned up the orange juice, sent the kids to their room and I went to mine.  I cried.  "God, I'm supposed to lead about study about being a godly wife and mother, and here I am in my room crying over a watermelon.  What is wrong with me?  Why is Satan attacking me like this?"

This is when I heard God speak.  Not in an audible voice, but in my heart.  He reminded me that I had been praying for Him to mold me into a more godly woman.  And He is gently showing me areas in my life that I need to work on (ie how I respond to watermelon all over my floor). 

Once He started showing me things that needed to change in my comfortable life, I complained and blamed Satan.  He {Satan} gets too much credit sometimes.

I was comfortable being an ok mom, being an ok wife, being an ok friend.  But I asked God to mold me into His image, to help me to be a woman that pleased Him.  When He showed me what I needed to work on, I stiffened up a bit.  "But God," I said, "look at everything I do, isn't that good enough?"

No, it's not.

He wants more of me.  He wants my all.  And honestly, I wasn't giving it my all.  I settled into a comfortable routine and stuck with it.  I got lazy.  My husband deserves more of me.  My kids deserve more of me.  My God...He deserves ALL of me.

So, God, here is my life.  I'm ready to take it to the next level. To step out of my comfort zone.  To kick it up a notch.

To be like Christ, to be Christlike...this ought to be our goal as Christians. It's my goal.

Make me, mold me, fill me, use me. 

Help me to never settle for the mundane life.  I always want to press toward the prize, forgetting the things which are behind me (tears over a watermelon), and reaching forth unto those things which are before.

 

"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended:

but this one thing I do,

forgetting those things which are behind,

and reaching forth unto those things which are before.

I press toward the mark for the prize

of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:13-14

 

By the way, after my time alone with the Lord that day.  I called my son into my room and apologized to Him for being upset.  I asked Him to forgive me, and He graciously did.  Oh, to have the forgiving spirit of a little one.  His mommy is far from perfect, but she won't settle for living the mundane life.  

I understand I don't often show my heart like this, but God has been working and I felt I ought to share.  Hope it's an encouragement.  Don't always blame Satan, God is far more powerful, and He love you very much.

 

How about you? 

Are you living a comfortable life? 

Are you ready to step out of your comfort zone

and give the Lord more? 

Give Him your all?

 

 

 

What Would You Do For a Klondike Bar?

 

 

 

For some strange reason, sometimes the commercial for this famous ice cream bar comes into my head, and I find myself singing, "What would you do-o-o for a Klondike bar?"

 

I would actually prefer an ice cream sandwich.

 

I got to thinking, which I really try not to (about this topic, not thinking in particular), about the things I miss in America.  Cracker Barrel would probably at the top, with Sheetz being a close second.  Come on, 2 hot dogs for $1?  You can't beat that.

 

Sugar Cereals.

 

Hershey's.

 

Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate.

 

T.G.I.Fridays

 

Friendlys

 

Oh, I better stop there.  See, it's not good for me to start thinking about all that I miss in America.  I could do without all that, but truly, deep down, I miss my family.  Sometime, I  miss them so much that my heart just aches.

 

I am blessed to have a close-knit family.  I'm even close to my aunts and uncles.  Facebook can be such a wonderful blessing.  I honestly cannot imagine what it was like even 10 years ago without the technology we have today. 

 

To wait weeks for a letter by mail, to now waiting just seconds to see their reply on instant messaging.  To possibly never seeing loved ones again, to now having Face Time and Skype.

 

How blessed we are compared to missionaries years ago.

 

But I often wonder how much of a distraction it is to us?  How much time we waste online?  Or even the feelings of envy it brings when we see friends or family posting pictures of them altogether celebrating a birthday or some other life event.

 

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not telling you to throw out the internet!  I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to watch my youngest brother graduate high school via Skype.  This way he couldn't tease me for crying!

 

I am merely saying we need to be careful.  All things in Moderation.

 

Balance.

 

Be careful not to long for 'home' so much that we are distracted from what God has called us to do.

 

Facebook, Skype, Blogs, Pinterest.  All that stuff is fun, and can be good for us, but keep it in check. 

 

Balance, my dear missionary friends.  Balance.

 

 

 

 

 



Learning to Wait on God

It's amazing to look back and see how the Lord has worked all things together for His good.  After we finished deputation we applied for our visa (we couldn't apply for the visa until we were at 100% support).  Three years later our visas were approved.  Let me tell you, those were a loooooong three years. But the Lord taught me so much during that time, and for that I am grateful.  One of the things He taught me was what it means to be still and know that He is God.

During that long wait, I claimed these verses:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways,

and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9

It is so easy for us to plan out our life, even sincerely thinking that what we are planning is God's will.  I did that, but God showed me that His ways aren't always my ways.  When we finished deputation I thought we had to immediately go to the field.  I mean, we learned so much during deputation, right?  What more is there to learn?  Ha!  God's ways are far higher than our ways.

Here are a few things the Lord taught me on "Being Still"

Learning to be still…

Here are a few people from Scripture who were told to be still...

~ Ruth 3:18 – Sit still and wait for God to work.  Ruth had left all she had and followed her mother-in-law to an unknown (to her) land.  And the Lord blessed her greatly.

“Sometimes when a believer has done all he knows to do according to God’s Word,

he must be content simply to “sit still” and wait for God to work.” 

Henry Morris

~ Exodus 14:13 – Stand still and let God work.  I love this.  Here we find the Israelites in the midst of a dilemma.  Behind them they see the Egyptians, from whom they just escaped from years of slavery, and in front of them they see a great body of water.  In their eyes they were stuck, there was nothing they could do.  Moses tells the people, "Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord..."  And God preforms one of many miracles for the Israelites, He folds back the waters of the sea and allows them to walk across on dry land.  Once they are all safely over, Moses stretches out his arms and the waters flow back to normal and the entire Egyptian army drowned in those waters.  What an amazing God we serve!

“There are times when believers have done,

 to the best of their understanding,

all they know how to obey the will of God,

and the challenge confronting them still seems impossible to meet. 

Rather than becoming fearful and depressed,

however, they should simply “stand still” and let God work.” 

 Henry Morris

~ Isaiah 30:7 – Sit still and let God be his strength.  The third mention of being still is found here, and again this deals with the Israelites and the Egyptians.  God tell the Israelites to sit still and let Him be their strength, warning them not to depend on the Egyptians.

“There are times when God’s people have done all they know how to do

to solve a desperate situation, to no avail. 

They are then tempted to turn to unbelievers to help them,

but this is a dangerous compromise. 

These are the very situations in which God delights to honor true faith. 

“Man’s extremity is God’s opportunity.”

In such circumstances the believer is best advised to

“sit still” and let God be his strength.” 

Henry Morris

  

Learning to be still brings peace…

We Must Desire Him – Psalm 37:4

When I am walking closely with my Lord His desires will become my desires.  He knows us better then we know ourselves.  When you don’t trust God you’re saying you know better than God.  I want His best for my life, I don’t care to settle for anything less.  I want His desires to be my desires.

We Must Wait on Him – Isaiah 30:7 – sit still

Waiting…no one likes to wait.  (Drive-thru, pregnancy, trips, etc.) Psalm 62:1 – tells us to wait silently.  When we are still and silent that is when God has the opportunity to speak to us.  We live in a fast-pace, must-have-it-now society, we need to just learn to wait and be still. 

We Must Walk With Him – Numbers 9:15-23

The Israelites “walked” with the Lord when He told them to walk, and they stayed put when the Lord told them to stay put.  Exodus 13:21 – God went before His people and they followed Him.  Don’t allow yourself to lag behind Him, but also don’t get ahead of Him, walk with Him.  Lord, help me to step aside and allow you to do what you want to do.  Don’t get in God’s way.

Then We Can Exalt the Land! – Psalm 37:34

Personal encouragement for me!  In His perfect timing we exalted the land (or to personalize it for us, move to Australia!).  In the same way, when you wait on the Lord you will exalt the land.  What are you waiting on the Lord for?  A sick family member to be healed, the salvation of a loved one?  Whatever it is, are you for are you waiting with patience?  Are you waiting with peace?  Are you standing still?  Are you waiting on the Lord?  Isaiah 64:4

Trust brings peace.

I once heard a story about a famous 19^th century trapeze artist who walked a tightrope hundreds of feet over the Niagara River, near the rushing waters of the falls.  After accomplishing the feat several times, he began to show off a bit. 

“How many of you believe I can roll a wheelbarrow clear across this tightrope?” he asked the on-looking crowd of spectators and reporters that had assembled to watch him. 

“Yes, I believe you can!” shouted one man, anxious to see him try. 

“Good,” the trapeze artist replied as he rolled the wheelbarrow up to the tightrope.  “Then get in.”

Isn’t this just like us?  We say that we believe that God can, but we are not willing to trust Him with our own life (or get into the wheelbarrow).

I wonder how much we miss out on because of the box we have placed God in. 

“Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly

above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.” 

Ephesians 3:20

In peace there is complete rest.  We can go to sleep in the wheelbarrow; do you really think God’s going to mess up just because we fell asleep?

In closing, I'll leave you with this song:

Like a river glorious is God's perfect peace

Over all victorious in its bright increase

Perfect  yet it floweth, fuller everyday

Perfect yet it growth, deeper all the way

Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blessed

Finding as He promised, perfect peace and rest

By the way, we have been living in Australia for nearly 18 months.  Looking back those three years went fast.  I am thankful that He has taught me to "Be Still".  Although there are times where He needs to remind me, I've learned that His ways are far better than any I could have planned for myself.  God is good, all the time!

I also write at Be Thou Exalted.  Please stop by and say hello!