Making Self-Care a Priority

Last January was one of the greatest new beginnings that I have experienced, and I didn’t even plan it. I hadn’t made any sort of resolution that led to this new start, but the Lord had worked things in my life that forced me to resolve to begin anew in some ways.

I had been very sick for 3 months without a known cause until discovering in January that my wide range of frightening symptoms all stemmed from problems with my spine and the nerves running out of my upper back and neck.

When finally settling on the diagnosis, my doctor said that I absolutely must start exercising regularly or just accept that I would likely never feel better. My back was weak and discs and vertebrae were suffering, and exercise was required to build muscle to support my spine.  I literally hadn't exercised in years. I had neglected to take care of myself physically to the point that I was greatly incapacitated by lack of stewardship of my body.

So, given the ultimatum to exercise or suffer, I started back to ballet, which I had studied until I was a young adult. I knew it would be good exercise and good for my posture, and hoped it would be enjoyable too. You see, when I had quit, I had completely burnt out and never thought I’d desire to dance again. At this moment though, dancing seemed more interesting to me than other options, so I decided to give it a try.

I showed up to the first class, and to my surprise, I experienced one of the biggest surges of joy that I had experienced in years. I was reminded of a long faded passion for music, movement, and beauty. I immediately felt the benefit to not only my body, but to my emotions and soul that come about through physical exercise and doing something I had once loved. My physical symptoms resolved over a period of weeks, and my emotional and spiritual health also greatly improved.

A picture from after class in November.

As a mother of 4 young kids serving overseas, life always feels intense. There doesn’t feel like there is space for anything superfluous, and in reality there rarely is. But what I have been learning is that caring for myself is not superfluous. It is necessary. It is necessary for my ability to be a good mom and wife, it is necessary for longevity on the mission field, it is necessary to keep me from imploding under the weight of all that urgently needs to be done in this life, and it is necessary to remind me that I am loved by the Lord and that He desires to care for me as His daughter. I am not His slave, but His beloved daughter whose mind, body, and soul matter greatly to Him. 

Last year was the beginning of a journey in learning how to make sure that I am a good steward of my physical, emotional, and spiritual health. I was forced to fit a hobby/exercise back into my life, and realized that though it does take time, my capacity has actually increased. I am better able to love and serve others and to accomplish my daily tasks because I am so much more refreshed than I have been in years past. I also have had so much more authentic joy in the Lord.

I write this to you as encouragement to those of you who, like me until God forced a change, feel like there just isn’t any space for you to care for yourself. To me it literally felt impossible to add anything to my life at the moment that I was forced to do so. It does take creativity, and at first it will look like sacrifice and perhaps even an impossibility like it did to me until receiving the doctor’s ultimatum, but often there really is a way if you we are willing to work to find it. As mothers and missionaries, we are very used to and skilled at putting our needs aside for long seasons, but sometimes we need also to remember how to be good stewards of the mind, body, and soul given to us by the Lord. He loves you and cares about all aspects of who you are!

Here are a few questions I’ve come up with to perhaps help in brainstorming ways to move towards greater health in this New Year if you are feeling stuck:

1.       In what area am I feeling most depleted? (Physically? Emotionally? Spiritually? Relationally?...)
2.       What are some things that bring me joy, fulfillment, and health in this area? What are some things that I have benefited from in the past in this regard, or what is something that I’ve always wanted to try?
3.       If I were commanded by an authority that I absolutely must make space in my life for one of these things, how would I do it? What would I cut out to make room? How practically could I make it happen? Whose help would I need to make this a reality?
4.       Without being literally commanded to do so, could I try stepping out in faith to care for myself in this area of need? 

Have you had similar new beginnings with regards to your own self-care? Are you willing to share an area where you are feeling depleted and perhaps need to begin caring more for your own well-being?

Taming Kids' Room Chaos

We live in a 2 bedroom apartment with 6 people. Perhaps some of you live in tighter space than we do, but even so, it can still be a trick for us to fit ourselves and all of our belongings into our home in a comfortable and non-chaotic manner. We may have moved overseas with only a few bags, but almost 9 years later, we’ve had plenty of time to acquire things that now battle for precious and limited shelf and closet space.

I won't win any awards for style or decor on my kids' bedroom, but we do have 4 kids sharing this one room and we've managed to find ways to keep it a manageable and comfortable place for them to enjoy. They are also mostly able to maintain its' order themselves.

A major area that needs constant de-cluttering is our kids’ room. We have all 4 kids in one not-so-large bedroom. I feel like I am constantly sorting and getting rid of toys that don’t get played with to try to keep their room from being overrun with clutter. My kids themselves sometimes reach the point where they are begging to get rid of things so their room will be more peaceful. 

So, since I bet a lot of you are in the same boat as our family, I thought we could share ideas about taming clutter, particularly in our kids’ rooms. I'm not an expert on this, but we've needed to be attentive to this issue since there are a lot of us and not a lot of room in our home. Here are some of my thoughts about keeping kids’ possessions manageable if you happen to fight this same battle. I hope you'll share yours too!

     1)      Kids really don’t need a ton of toys. Really! Over years of analyzing what my kids actually play with, I am pretty sure that my kids would be perfectly happy if they only had blocks to build with (like Duplos and Legos), a few stuffed animals each, a few baby dolls with clothes and blankets, a doll stroller, trains and tracks (Thomas or Thomas-like generic version), games, arts and craft supplies, and books. Actually, I bet they would be perfectly fine with less than this, but these are what they regularly play with now and make up the bulk of their toys. All of the other little toys that they have rarely get used.  As a result of observing this, we’ve learned to freely pass along toys that the kids don’t use. It makes them (and me!) feel less stressed when their room looks nicer. It also makes cleaning up so much easier and faster for them, and they don’t miss the toys that we give away. They are able to easily clean up their room on their own every night, meaning that we can start each day with a tidy room and that their things do not become a burden to them. We still have more toys than we need, but we've definitely tamed what could have been!

     2)      Toy rotations are great! We have buckets of toys that slide in and out of our small Ikea toy organizer. We have more buckets than shelves for the buckets, so some of them stay in the kids’ closet. When they tire of the toys that they have out, I ask them to fill up a bucket or two that they would like to trade in for whatever is in the closet. It revives their interest in some of their toys if they are put away and then brought out after some time.

The short storage area contains some of the storage bins that we rotate.

3)      Suggest non-toy gift ideas to friends and family who want to show your children love. Living overseas, there are fewer ways that our family and friends can show love to our kids, which makes gift-giving very important, but because of this, our kids may often receive more gifts from friends and family than they perhaps would otherwise. You may want to try to think of and share gift ideas that family and friends can give to your kids that won’t result in loads of toys for every holiday, birthday, and in between. Perhaps they can send a special picture book, or give a coupon for a special outing either for something that you can do in your host country or home on furlough, give the gift of Skype story times or craft/music lessons or game time with a loved one… Get creative! The point of gift-giving is to show love and build the relationship between the child and family member or friend. Of course sometimes toys are the perfect thing for this, but other times there are non-toy options that might be even more meaningful.

Those are just a few ideas on how to tame clutter in kids’ rooms. I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas too!

Do you battle to keep your kids’ room from being over-run with toys? If you could make a short list of the most entertaining toys, what would you recommend? Do you have other techniques to share on keeping their rooms in order? What sorts of principles guide you as you consider how to manage the number of possessions that you own?

Loving Like Jesus While Being Despised

It’s been about a year since the conflict between Ukraine and Russia began, and in that year people’s impression of Americans have changed significantly.  When my husband first started serving in Siberia before we were married, being American was on par with being a rock-star. When we moved to western Russia as a family about 4 years later, we were perhaps not rock-stars, but at very least intriguing. Moving to a big city only 3 years after that, people found us mildly interesting but often beneficial to them if they were seeking to improve their English. Now, however, another 5 years later, I have been yelled at and found myself on a number of occasions the scapegoat for various people’s frustration and rage at the dealings of my entire country.  Whereas at one time questions about my background were great conversation starters, I now find myself hoping that my grammar and accent don’t give me away, though they almost always do. 

The worst of this change has been how it has affected my children. They have now been yelled at twice on the playground, just for being Americans. They have been told that nobody wants them here and that they should go back to where they came from. Of course most people are still kind or at least tactful, but there are those who are not. I can understand the political frustrations, but it is hard for me to understand why people would yell at my children for something that they have absolutely no control over. They had no choice in the fact that they would be Americans raised in Russia. They don’t even understand why our two countries would not get along.  They are completely innocent, yet find themselves bearing the brunt of people’s anger. It has been so painful to have the same people that we dearly love and have given much of our life for, despise me and my family.

I know that what I am experiencing pales so greatly in comparison to what so many of you face each and every day, but even in this relatively mild situation, I have come to understand a bit more what Jesus endured for our sake. I am heartbroken that I am not welcomed by the people that I love so deeply and have given up so much to serve. How much more profoundly was Jesus pained by rejection?  My pain and sacrifice are so miniscule compared to His, yet He has used this tiny microcosm to grow my desire to know what it means to humbly love and serve as He did. 

Jesus was reviled by those whom he came to save. He was rejected by those that he loved with a perfect and passionate love.  He was spat upon, beaten, and brutally killed by his very own creation. And you and I were just like these people at one time; like the people who hate and lash out at my children despite their innocence, and like the people in the enraged crowd responsible for sentencing the innocent Lamb of God to death.  Being called names and disliked for my nationality cannot even begin to be likened with how my countless wretched sins pained my beloved and sinless Savior, costing Him his life. 

In this situation of being yelled at and dealt with in other unpleasant ways, I find my fleshly self tempted to become hard and to find fault back in the other direction. How could a person who despises me deserve my kindness and love? They don't deserve it. But, as tomorrow is Easter for us, I am deeply reminded of Jesus humble and sacrificial love for me, and how in His mercy and grace, He did not grow bitter with me despite all of the ways that I turned from and hurt Him. I deserved to be faulted and punished for my sins against the innocent and almighty Messiah, yet He loved me.  He didn’t respond to me in the way that I deserved, but rather gave His life in the ultimate sacrifice of love so that I might be saved. These are the very basics of the gospel and Christ-likeness, yet it is still a struggle sometimes to truly want to love other sinful people the way that Jesus loved me.

Lord, I know you want me to be like you. I know you want me to humbly love even those who yell at me, misunderstand me, and look down upon me simply for the passport that I hold. I know that you want my love for these people to grow rather than diminish even as tensions rise.  Lord Jesus, I praise you for the example of your perfect love that freely loved me, even though doing so sent you to the cross. I pray that you would grow me to be like you; Help me love those whom you love with a selfless and sacrificial love, even if it means being reviled in return as you were. Lord, please make each one of us more like you with each passing day. Amen.

Have you experienced being disliked or hated where you are serving? What does that look like for you? How have you dealt with it personally, and especially with your children? How has the Lord used such things in your life and ministry?

The Women of our Host Countries

When I saw on the calendar that it was my turn to post this weekend, I immediately thought of International Woman's Day and how OF COURSE I would post on some topic celebrating womanhood... Then I remembered that this holiday doesn't even exist in much of the world, despite it being an "international" holiday. If you were here in Russia on this day though, you would definitely think that everyone on earth MUST be celebrating. It is a huge deal. Everyone gets the day off of work, women everywhere are walking around town with bouquets of flowers in hand, there are gifts, chocolates, dates, cards, celebrations, store discounts, billboards... Women are given the most royal of treatments on this day.

I love this holiday in Russia because I think Russian women are truly amazing. Many of them have been dealt much hardship, but on the whole, Russian women are strong, brave, beautiful, and deep. I wanted to share a few things with you that I love about Russian women, but my main hope for this post is that you will share with the rest of us about the amazing women in your host cultures. Let's celebrate the incredible women that God has created around the globe, and tell about the wonderful qualities that He has instilled in them. I'll start by telling you a bit of my impressions of Russian women:

Like I said, Russian women are strong and brave. Given the recent history that today's women have lived through, Russian women have fought to protect their families and to survive and thrive amidst many challenges. One such example is that there are many broken homes due to alcoholism. This has left many many women as the primary breadwinners, caretakers of their children, and often even the caretakers of their parents too. Many women sacrifice so much in order to care for their family.

Here are a few of my strong, beautiful Russian friends carrying a bunch of heavy bags 30 minutes to a train stop just as it starts to rain.

Russian grandmothers are incredible. I love babushkas. They know how everything works (or should work...and aren't afraid to let everyone know!). They are resourceful and frugal. They are incredibly independent and strong despite their age (I am in shock every winter watching babushkas walking over ice-covered sidewalks with their groceries each day). One thing that I think is so amazing about Russian culture is the responsibility that many grandmothers feel in the care of their grandchildren. They will often live with their children while their grandchildren are young so as to help care for them during the physically taxing years of early childhood, or if not living with the family, they will often times live close by, taking the grandchildren for the weekend, helping to take them to and from pre-school or school, watching them on the playground, and taking them on special outings.

Our sweet neighbor, Babushka Anya (whom I met a number of years ago helping cross the street while carrying groceries through a snow storm!)

Russian women in the church are a tremendous source of life and wisdom within the congregation. There are very few male believers in Russia, so the women have to take on many responsibilities for the livelihood of the church. On the whole, these women are faithful, amazing, and yet humble servants. Given the hard history that the older generation of believers especially has endured, these women have persevered and become solid pillars of faith who have tremendous wisdom to pass down to the younger generations.

I could continue on for a long time about the beautiful qualities of Russian women, but I want to give each of you a chance to share! Please share in the comments one or two (or more) things that you admire about the women in the culture where you serve!

Happy Women's Day, my incredible missionary mom friends!! I praise God for creating each one of you and for the incredible ways that you reflect His image. As we celebrate International Women's Day here in Russia, I am celebrating YOU!

What do you admire about the women in your host country?

Rekindling the Romance...

Seeing as it’s Valentine’s Day, it is only appropriate that we have a story about love. This, however, isn’t probably going to be exactly the story that you’re expecting.

Before I became a wife and a mother, I loved ballet. I started dancing when I was 3 and eventually spent years dancing for hours upon hours each day. I loved the movement, the music, performing, the physical challenge, the satisfaction of seeing progress… It gave me so much enjoyment and was a huge part of my life.  

 

Dancing at age 15

Once my husband and I married, we had our eyes firmly set on our God’s call to the mission field and our hope to start a family. These two joys were far more satisfying than even my beloved ballet, and for many reasons, I decided to quit dancing. I was not sad about it. It didn’t feel like a loss. I was ready to move on. 

My last performance

Eleven years later, just this past autumn, after pouring myself out almost exclusively for these two great joys, my family and our life in ministry, I hit a season this where I was really struggling physically, and as a result of the physical struggles, I was exhausted and having a hard time emotionally. For months there were many symptoms that the doctors couldn’t figure out. I went from diagnosis to diagnosis with no successful treatment. I finally got a big part of the puzzle figured out when I discovered that weakness in my back was the cause of a lot of nerve pain. The doctor’s prescription was for me to find a way to exercise in order to regain strength and to correct my posture. Thinking this over, it didn’t take long for me to realize that ballet would greatly help with both. 

I started taking ballet again about a month ago, after an 11 year break. That first class back was so physically hard, but so exhilarating at the same! I had totally forgotten how much I love ballet. I immediately began feeling better physically as my strength improved, and much to my surprise, doing ballet again has brought a joy to my life that I had completely forgotten existed. There is such great joy and fulfillment in doing things that are deeply meaningful in and eternal sense, but I believe that the Lord also designed us to take joy in other things simply because they are pleasurable. He loves us with a fatherly love that desires to give us all types of joy. Through this little ballet revival of mine, the Lord has reminded me that He not only values me delighting in the deeply meaningful kingdom work that He has called me to, but as a loving Father He also desires to bless me by allowing me to truly enjoy the beauty in this world that He has created. For me, that happens through the motions of dance and the beauty of classical music. For others it will be something totally different. 

11 year's later, I got a new pair of "boots!"

I’ve also seen how my emotional and physical reserves have greatly increased as I’ve made room for this hobby. I thought I’d be squeezing our schedule and decreasing my capacity to make room for ballet, but I’ve actually found that the opposite has happened because I am so much more energized than I have been in years. Moms, it is so hard to find the time for seemingly frivolous things like hobbies, but wow, had I truly believed the commonly shared wisdom of maintaining a good outlet for personal enjoyment, I would never have let this part of my life slip for so many years. I feel like I am delighting in the Lord in new ways and more able to delight in my callings as a mother and missionary as a result of making this space to care for myself. I know we've all heard such things a million times, but really, it is actually true! For some reason I thought that the years with little ones in particular were a time where such things would need to be set aside (my kids are 9, 7, 4, and almost 2), but I’ve realized that this is perhaps a time where I need this outlet more than ever!

Friends, do you have a hobby that you do simply for your own enjoyment? Perhaps a form of exercise or art? Maybe a craft or talent? Is there anything that you do now that makes you experience the Lord's love and care for you simply because you enjoy it so much?  If not, what is a hobby or talent that you’ve loved in the past that you have let go? If you’re in the camp that I was in only a month ago of having little to no personal outlet, I would greatly encourage you to try to creatively make space in your schedule to care for yourself in this way! Oh, how I wish I had done this sooner!

(Also, we had a little posting glitch due to the time differences between continents, so this post and Sarah's previous post ended up close together. If you haven't seen Sarah's post below this yet, you won't want to miss it!)

Biggest Daily Life Struggles

It’s snow season here in St. Petersburg, Russia, and it is COLD! For a family of 6 living in a 2-bedroom apartment with 4 kids ages 9 and under, the frigid weather does not negate the need for getting out of the house to burn off energy. I feel like such a scrooge saying it, but if I’m honest, I really do not like snow. I agree that it is beautiful. I also agree that building snowmen, snowball fights, and sledding down hills are tremendous fun, but as soon as the snow piles up, my life as a mother during this season with little kids becomes infinitely more difficult.

Snow mounds piled higher than the cars and into the trees! 

Yesterday my husband took 3 of our kids out sledding. Since I was only getting them ready instead of dressing them, as well as myself and my twenty-month-old, I took a moment to count every article of clothing that I had to ensure was on each of my children before they went outside. Do you know how many there were? 50. FIFTY!! And like I said, that was only 3 kids. Some of those 50 items also have to be paired, which means that between trips outdoors I have to keep each of those pairs clean and in a place that we can locate the both parts easily upon exit. 

Though bundling takes a ton of energy, I do have to admit that bundled babies are adorable.

Then the bundling begins. Trying to get between 50 and 75 articles of clothing on my kids and self in a cramped, warm hallway before we can exit into the cool air is, shall I say, not the best part of anyone’s day. It takes forever, people are falling over each other as they try to find space, items get lost in the shuffle, inevitably the toddler begins undressing about as fast as I manage to try to get him clothed… Then there is coming inside and trying to get in the door without tracking snow into the house, and trying to remove the dozens upon dozens of clothing items and figuring out which items need drying, which hanging on the coat rack, which washing, which into drawers, etc.

Success! The kids enjoying their reward from enduring the craziness of the bundling feat.

Ok, so I don’t need to continue about this reality of life in this freezing land, but honestly, this is one of the truest physical and spiritual battles that I face on a daily basis. I struggle trying to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit to be patient and kind during the throes of the bundling phase.  I battle to choose joy when simply going outside saps so much of my day’s limited portion of physical strength. I regularly need to ask the Lord for forgiveness for my attitude and frustration with the kids when I fail to control my emotions in the heat of the stress of just trying to get outside. 

I often feel the need to relate to friends about this very real struggle in life that often lasts for literally about half of my year each year, but there are few people who can relate. My friends back “home” can’t relate because we’re not from a snowy part of the US. My Russian friends can’t relate because most of them have only one or perhaps two children, often spaced far apart. It is my missionary mom friends around me who can empathize and say,“Yes! It is so hard!” and then pray for me about this seemingly trivial but very real daily battle.

I wanted to ask you women, what is the hardest thing that you deal with as a mom where you are living? Do you have people who can relate to you in this struggle or do you feel alone in it? Would you take a moment to share what that hardship is like so that we can pray for you? It is likely that you will find women on this blog who live similar lives and share similar struggles, but even if not, we can all understand what it is like to have a very real daily life challenge that others might not understand. Let’s pray for one another in these challenges as missionary moms.