Calm My Anxious Heart, chapter 12

This is the last chapter! If you want to review what has come before, here it is: chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, chapter 9, chapter 10, and chapter 11.

Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls—
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Is anyone else out there humming Если не станет овец в загоне with me now? (If you haven't been in a Russian church, and have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sorry. It's a hymn based on the verses above, and they're inextricably mixed in my mind. And I have no idea who are the people in the video I linked to; that's just what came up when I searched.)

Linda Dillow's favorite book of the Bible is Habakkuk, and this last chapter of Calm My Anxious Heart is inspiring me to reread that obscure prophet. Somehow this chapter seemed heavier and deeper and even more comforting than the others. I didn't underline short sections to quote. I just soaked it all in myself.

Today marks five years since the biggest "Why?" of my life so far. Five years since the very day we were forced to leave Russia. Officially we might be able to go back now, but that's not very realistic, and we're not really planning on it. Many well-meaning people have given us their explanations of the the reasons behind it: "It's for the best." "God is protecting you from something." "He has a better place for you." "It's only for five years, and then you can come back." And so on. Honestly, I still don't get it. None of those reasons seem right to me. I know that all things work together for good, but I can't see the why and how of it nearly as well as the people I just quoted. And yet... I will rejoice in the Lord.

One of the little exercises that is recommended in the Bible study at the back of Calm My Anxious Heart to go with this chapter is to write out our own "though's":

Though I might never be able to go back to the country I love most,
And though we haven't found another place where we fit in;
Though I have no friends to share life with,
And though we don't know what is coming next--
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,I will joy in the God of my salvation.The Lord God is my strength;He will make my feet like deer’s feet,And He will make me walk on my high hills.

I can't even express how much it means to me that this chapter "just happened" to be scheduled for today, of all days. I'm not doing well at passing it on to you all. Personally, I feel like God just reached down and hugged me, though. I pray that some of that can continue on to you, too, if you need it as much as I did.

What are the "though's" in your life, if you can share them? What comforts you most when you can't understand why God is allowing something to happen in your life? And, now that I've come to the end of this series, do you have any suggestions of what I should read deeply and really chew on next? I mean something to share in this space....

Calm My Anxious Heart, chapter 11

Yesterday was my turn to post here, and I did start writing, but I just couldn't find enough time to finish. So, fellow writers, please forgive me for being a day late. There was nothing scheduled for today, so I'm going to go ahead and post now.

Here's another installment of the ongoing series! Earlier posts: chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, chapter 9 and chapter 10.

I will remember the works of the Lord; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all Your work, And talk of Your deeds.

Psalm 77:11-14

Last time we talked about What If; today we're on If Only.

I enjoyed three of the examples in this chapter, so I'm going to share them in full:

     Jim refused to contract the If Only disease, even though he was constantly exposed to it. Jim and his family had left everything to go to Africa as missionaries. While there, Jim contracted a virus similar to chronic fatigue syndrome. He has been sick for twelve years. For six of those years he was bedridden. He has consulted thirty-five doctors on three continents without finding a cure, and he is only able to work limited hours.
     This dear family visited us last summer. While Lois and the girls toured Colorado Springs, Jim stayed in our basement and read. Occasionally he joined his family, but he could climb the stairs only once a day and had to conserve his energy. This is after twelve years of suffering. One might think bitterness, self-pity, impatience, and anger would characterize this man. But that's not what I saw. His physical disease didn't cause him to think, If Only we hadn't gone to Africa. He was at peace with what God had allowed. Lois told me that once, during his six-year stint in bed, she asked Jim, 'Don't you ever feel sorry for yourself?' He responded, 'Pitying oneself takes too much energy. I don't have any energy to spare.'
     How much time do we spend in self-pity, thinking If Only my situation were different? Jim didn't allow himself the luxury of If Onlys. He was content with what God had allowed in his life (pages 164-165).

     Recorded in the wonderful little book Green Leaf in Drought is a saga of If Onlys. When the Communists ordered all missionaries out of China in 1947, Arthur and Wilma Matthews had just traveled to a remote part of China, and were prohibited from leaving. As all their colleagues escaped, the If Onlys plagued their hearts and minds. 'If Only that letter had not come, inviting us here. If Only Arthur had not signed that petition for world peace, which angered the authorities. If Only....'
     Wilma became so distraught over their situation, so paralyzed by the 'If Onlys,' that on Easter she could not sing 'He Lives.' She felt God had deserted them. Alone in her drab kitchen, she turned to a pamphlet by A. B. Simpson titled, 'The If in Your Life.' She read the account of Lazarus's death and how Martha had said to Jesus, 'Lord, If Only You had been here, my brother would not have died.' And Jesus could have been there; He was not far away. He knew all about it and He let Lazarus die.
     Wilma realized a great truth: There's an if in every life--something God could have done differently if He had chosen to do so. He has all power, yet He often allows that if to be there. God wanted to meet Wilma's if with His if, just as He had for Martha. Jesus told Martha, 'Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?' (John 11:40). Martha wanted Lazarua to be delivered from death; Christ wanted Lazarus to be triumphant over death.
     Two years later, the Matthews were allowed to leave China. Despite severe testing and horrible circumstances, they deliberately chose not to think about the If Onlys and to focus instead on God's Loving Sovereignty. As a result they had internal peace, and God was glorified (page 165).

My fingers got tired before I typed the third story, but I found it online with a quick search: you can read Andrew Murray's rules here (and spend some time with someone I greatly admire while you're at it). According to Linda Dillow, he wrote those rules when he was in great pain. Someone came to him for advice, and he gave her the paper he was writing for himself. His choice--and what he was encouraging his visitor to do--was to focus on God and God's purposes, instead of the If Onlys.

(Side note: I love that Linda Dillow uses so many examples from missionary life!)

The anecdote to If Only and to so many other distrustful maladies is remembering the works of the Lord (Psalm 77). We need to meditate on what He has done for us and tell others about it. Somewhere I once heard of rewriting Psalm 136, which tells the story of God's faithfulness to Israel, and making it fit with my own life story. I love that idea. Something along the lines of

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!

For His mercy endures forever.

To Him who allowed me to be born into a wonderful family of people who love Him,

For His mercy endures forever.

And blessed me with a happy childhood and early education,

For His mercy endures forever....

Would you like to share a Psalm of your life? If you do, I might come back and finish mine up. How are you doing with fighting If Onlys these days?