Personal Wellness Day

(New public exercise equipment near our apartment building)

While I was in college, I think I experienced true stress for the first time in my life. I know that isn't exactly true, but it was probably the first time that I remember often using the phrase "stressed out" in relationship to myself. So, in an effort to combat this stress, I instituted the tradition of periodically taking what I called a "Personal Wellness Day." I'd skip my classes for the day (I planned my days when it wouldn't be problematic) and kept my schedule clear of any other obligations and from morning to night I'd do only things that would promote health. By health I mean spiritual, emotional, and physical health. So I'd spend extended time in the word and in prayer, exercise, eat healthy, sleep, and often spend time talking with a good friend. It was amazing how helpful these days were and for how long their effects lasted.

So, though I can't usually take a Personal Wellness Day, my husband is wonderful and often will watch all of the kids when I need a Personal Wellness morning or afternoon, etc. Here is my most recent one.

Why, yes, I did do a brief work out in jeans! In Russia, you can do stuff like that and it's totally fine. I didn't have a place to easily change clothes afterward, so I went with a tad bit of discomfort. (I did, however, put my purse down.)

 After the work out I headed to a cafe with my Bible, journal, notebook, 

and such for a time in the word and prayer.

 Yummy latte and plum tart over my Bible study.

Spending time with friends is always something that really refreshes me, but I also know that I need time alone. In order to have both without the temptation to just hang out with a good friend the whole time and miss my alone time, I often will call a good friend on the phone. This time I talked to a wonderful Russian sister in Christ and was so encouraged by her!

Ok, I guess the physical wellness part went a little bit out the window after the workout. I tried to go to Subway, but it was out of business, so yes, this is Burger King! I read some of a Bonehoffer biography while enjoying a Whopper. Let's just call it soul food. 

Do you take "personal wellness days/mornings" or something similar? If so, what refreshes you most and what are your secrets for making the most of those times of rest?

those long trips - road or otherwise - with a parcel of little and not so little people

So, I should probably warn you before you even start to read. 

This post has many photos.

And none of them are ministry-ish... none at all.

No kidding.

Five weeks of essentially vacation traveling will do that to you!

Especially if you've never done anything like that before as a family.

We left Niamey on June 9. We finally pulled in to the driveway at the missionary house where we will be spending this next year on July 14. That's five weeks of travel for a family of 10, living out of 2 small vans or one large van most of that time. What we saw and experienced are mostly once in a lifetime sorts of things and I don't know that we'll ever have such an opportunity again... ever... with all of our children. Today, as this post posts, I'll be on the road, taking our oldest off to college and we are beginning a new stage of parenting and just life in general.

It seemed frivolous, even selfish as we planned this trip - but we are thankful that we just went ahead and took that time to be together, to travel, to explore and see some amazing parts of this world. We kept shoving those doubts about frivolous and selfish to the backs of our minds and focused on redeeming our time... enjoying the moments... ones that would never be just ours again.

And we figured out some things about how to thrive while on the road, in such close proximity and confined spaces while in a rather longish state of transition.

1. Switch things up frequently and keep everyone involved in the planning... Change seating arrangements and make sure EVERY voice is heard when deciding what to do, even if it is the 4 year old begging to eat at the only McDonald's we saw in Scotland... AGAIN!

2. Give everyone a specific and unique to him/her job each step of the way. Wheeling his/her carry on through the airport, loading the pillows into the car, cleaning the trash out of the car seats, drying the camp dishes, photobomber (yes, some jobs can be silly), gathering pine cones to "feed" Daddy's Kelly Kettle, or keeping track of a sibling. When each person knows his/her job, it helps in the keeping track of everyone, boredom complaints are minimized and life tends to run a lot more smoothly.

3. As much as possible, keep times approximate and schedules flexible. Airplanes and ferries and some schedules won't and don't give. But a phone call to the camper van rental people might just mean you still get to see the William Wallace Monument and Sterling Bridge... even if it is from a distance and not as long as you might have hoped. Adding an extra day of travel might just mean you get to see those folks you haven't seen in really long time...

4. Practice "serendipity." What's that mean? Long before I met my husband, he and his cousin spent as much of their summers as possible hanging out at a golf course and canoeing Michigan's rivers. This cousin carried with him what he affectionately referred to as "the canoe-er's bible" and in it, he had penned a definition of serendipity. It is still my favorite-definition-of-the-word-ever. Serendipity (according to Cousin Andrew) is an "unexpected pleasure along life's way." That means you go ahead and splurge and eat those buffalo burgers, chase the wild mustangs, pose for a picture next to the Route 66 sign, call friends to catch up with them even at the last minute, taste the raw salt at the salt flats, etc.

5. Don't insist that everybody does everything all of the time. Sometimes, bigger girl might just want to sleep. Another time, Mama may want to read. Or wooden flute aficionado might want to wander through the tourist trap while the rest of us sip a soda. It's okay.

6. Do delight in another's delight over something, even when you might not find it nearly so appealing. You might care less about chasing wild mustangs down 4 wheel drive only trails in your big green 12 passenger van, but seeing the joy in her eyes can still make it a highlight for everyone.

7. Know when to sing and when to be silent. There is a time for both. The corollary to that is knowing when to enforce silence and when to allow singing... even if it is driving you crazy.

8. Get as many truck drivers as possible to honk as your vehicle goes whizzing by. The kids will smile and I'm guessing those truckers who do are smiling, too. And the others who don't probably didn't even notice your kids bouncing around in the back seat, pumping their arms.

9. One or two "distractions" or entertainment sources per child is MORE than sufficient. More than that just becomes clutter to pack and unpack... pack and unpack... pack and unpack... Well, you get the idea. Maps, travel brochures and cameras are awesome "distractions" and sometimes you get some great rewards/souvenirs/ideas from a different perspective than your own. Packing lightly is, in general, a good idea.

10. Sometimes you just need a break. It isn't a "fail" to snag a hotel room when you are mostly tenting your way through a region. Besides restoring sanity and giving our group of 10 some breathing space, free WiFi, Disney Channel or Animal Planet and the all you can eat breakfast buffet in the morning sometimes made the hotel room the cheaper option. (I know... that one surprised me, too.)

11. A lake with a beach (rocky or sandy... lonely or crowded) almost always pleases everyone... even if it is in different ways.

12. Consider it serendipity (see above) if/when you actually manage to synchronize bladders for a sensible rhythm of bathroom breaks. Otherwise, plan on stopping just about every other exit... Well... that may be a bit hyperbolic, but only a bit...

13. Use bear safe lockers where they are provided... and stay awake to listen to your kids talk in their sleep after they've seen a real live, uncaged grizzly down by the beach. It will make you smile. Don't read Night of the Grizzlies that same night. That won't make you smile.

14. Take advantage of those leave-a-book-take-a-book libraries found in campgrounds and laundromats and hotel lobbies and etc., wherever  you find them. You might find yourself reading some pretty fascinating material you might have never considered otherwise. I'm reading a real cool "documentary" called Garbage Land right now that I can promise you I would have never picked up otherwise.

15. Hold hands, snuggle on laps, tickle, giggle, laugh, wear your sunglasses backwards, buy your kids a few souvenirs they don't need, walk barefoot on the beach, eavesdrop on interesting conversations taking place the next stall over while showering (sometimes it was my girls!), talk to strangers (those bikers from Québec thought it was pretty cool our kids spoke French) and find out a little bit of their stories... In other words, do your best to intentionally and unexpectedly enjoy each moment God sets before you and then make sure you thank Him for it.

And those seem to be pretty good rules to apply to life in general, regardless of your destination, your ETA... and even when you are just hanging out at home.

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Do you have any tips for when your family travels over an extended period of time?

Kids on the Field: Laundry

Ok, my kids don't do the laundry (and it will be many a year before they can), but I am struck today as I stare at loads of it 1.  How much laundry children make 2.  How many stains they make and 3.  How I haven't truly haven't hit on a  good working "system" for our laundry yet.  So, while it's a bit of a divergence from directly talking about kids, as a friend of mine who is living in Honduras said, "Sometimes laundry just needs to be discussed!" 

So, Point Number One: The Sheer Amount of Laundry

What in the world?  I swear I try to keep on top of my kids, not letting them change 6 times a day and all that, but it's like I put the clothes in the drawers and some time in the middle of the night those nicely washes and neatly folded clothes somehow make their way into the dirty clothes baskets.  And I only have 3 kids!  Some of you rock stars with 4 and 5  and on up!  Anybody got a good solution for this clean clothes to dirty clothes migration?

Point Number Two:  Stains
Sigh.  I just folded about three loads of laundry and half of the load still had stains on it!  I think I am bad at catching them before I wash said clothing, but I also don't have a good solution for stains.  I do have the luxury of being able to buy a North American laundry detergent (saves the clothes, some) but these Boy stains...anybody got any great, easily recreated stain solution? 

And Point Number Three: A System
Now, I know that I am blessed beyond measure in that I have a washer and a dryer!!  But there still is the constant stream of laundry and the hanging things on the line like diapers and kitchen linens.  And then there is the folding and getting things to their actually locations where they are suppose to live (not just hanging out in a laundry basket at the base of the stairs.)  I have hit on the idea of each member of the family having their own laundry basket, with their name on it, so they, with help at this point, can start to put their own clothes away.  It also helps my husband know who's is who's because at this point, our two big guys wear almost the same size.  But other than that, I feel like I am still sorta fumbling around.  Anybody got a stellar laundry system?  SHARE!!

Bonus Point:  My Best Tip
I have found that during rainy season, our clothes can start to smell because it can take 4 days on the line to dry.  I discovered last year two things that help kill the smell, tea tree oil (hard to come by I know) and rubbing alcohol! (lots easier to come by!)  Put a couple of tablespoons of rubbing alcohol in your wash and it will help kill that funky smell!

So, what are your best laundry tips?  Anybody got a good solution for this clean clothes to dirty clothes migration?  Anybody got any great, easily recreated stain solution? Anybody got a stellar laundry system?  SHARE!!

Tuesday Topic: Moving

Another question from me, since we're in the throes of moving right now: What are your best tips for moving? And, just out of curiosity, how many times have you moved in how many years on the field? For us, I think it's 7 times out of almost 12 years on the field, so a little more than once every two years.

Also, if there is nothing in this space next week, that will be because my family has moved, but hasn't gotten internet set up yet. Tuesday Topics will be back soon after that (if you send me more questions ).

(If you have a “Tuesday Topic” question, please email it to me at fylliska@gmail.com. Provide your blog address if you would like to be linked to, or specify if you would like to remain anonymous. Thanks!)

The Importance of Family Time

I've heard it said before to "Come apart, before you fall apart."  I never thought much of this saying until we were in the ministry full-time and being pulled every which way.   My family (which includes myself, my husband, and our two children) currently serve the Lord in the Northern Territory of Australia.  My husband is currently pastoring two churches (3 hours apart), I lead a Ladies Bible Study every Monday night, we homeschool, and my husband and I teach at our local homeschool co-op.  So, top all that off with our normal family responsibilities and needless to say it can get a bit crazy around here.  As I am sure you all can very much relate.

 

 

 

 

 

I have this quote written in the cover of my Bible:

"No amount of success in the ministry will make up for failure at home." 

 

 

I am thankful for a husband who sees the importance of spending time as a family together.  He also does his best to take time each week to spend one on one time with our children.  Here is a photo of him and our daughter on a bike ride (that's the ocean in the background!).

 

We find it important to let our children know that we love God first, then our family.  Ministry is important to our family (we did pack up and moved to the other side of the world), but our family comes before the ministry.

 

 

I often wonder what my children will remember from the childhood.  I do hope it's all these good times, and that all my failures will be overshadowed by the love we have showed them.

 

Recently I talked with a friend whose parents are in the ministry, and she mentioned that her dad was busy...a lot.  She knew her dad loved her, but I got the idea that the ministry came first.  Please don't get me wrong, we love where God has place us, we love the people, this is the most content I have ever been, BUT like the quote says above, "No amount of success in the ministry will make up for failure at home."   It's not worth losing my family in order to have a great ministry.  To me that's hypocritical.  My first ministry is my family!

 

I do hope you and your family make a regular habit of making time for just your family.  I thought I would share a few ideas of things we do.

Family Time Ideas:

• Bike Rides
• Go out to dinner
• Talk a walk around the block
• Visit a local tourist attraction
• Make a special dessert together
• Movie night
• Game night
• Bowling
• Picnic in the backyard (or in the living room!)

 

 

I'd love to hear your ideas! 

What are your favourite family time activities?

 

 

 



On Finishing Well

Over the summer my family traveled back to the US for home assignment. As most of you missionary moms know, home assignment (furlough, or whatever else you call it!) is never easy, especially with little ones. You may find yourselves always on the go, re-teaching your kids every time you travel what they can and can't touch in the places you're staying, meeting people all the time... I guess I don't need to describe it to you. :)

As with most things in life, we tend to start our home assignments strong. We may not be thrilled about the road ahead, but we do our best to do a good job and glorify God while doing it. We were only on home assignment for 2 months (9 weeks to be exact), but by the end of our trip, I was ready to check out and go home! This introvert had seen my share of friends and family members. I was tired and
wanting longing for our own space again.

So naturally, I wanted to check out.

But God doesn't want us to do that. He wants us to finish our race well. Whether we're finishing our time on home assignment or finishing our time on the field, he wants us to glorify him and finish well.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (ESV)

Finishing well isn't always easy. We're tired. We want to go home. I found that God gives us strength to finish if we ask him. It's easier said than done, but trusting in God through those last couple of weeks and days can make all the difference. It just takes a few days of constantly coming before him, seeking his grace and strength.

So dear friend, "May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy..." (Colossians 1:11) and may you finish well!

How have you found strength in God to finish well?

Happy Mother's Day!

Wait... what?  I'm sure you're thinking that I am a few months late, but here in Costa Rica, today is Mother's Day!  It has become our family's tradition to celebrate our mothers on the US Mother's Day and reserve the Costa Rican Mother's Day for me.  Works out well!  It is a big deal here.  Businesses and schools are closed so that extended families can get together.  Our church youth group even goes from house to house the night of Mother's Day serenading all the mothers in the congregation!

with my two sweeties today, celebrating Costa Rican Mother's Day

I have lived in Costa Rica as long as I have been a mother and so my experience of motherhood is totally wrapped up in the Latin culture, and, yet, my American-ness often sets me apart in little things - how I dress my kids (I learned quickly that even though it was crazy hot out, the baby MUST have socks on), when I bathe them (my friends think it is so weird that we bathe the kids at night), how we discipline them (disciplining here often doesn't start until the kids are school age), that we have a schedule (not the norm here for sure), etc.  But, I have so enjoyed how motherhood opens the door to friendships and sharing life together, and I count myself blessed to be able to learn, especially from the fellow believers among my Tica (Costa Rican) friends. 

with precious older friends I have learned from and shared life with for the past four years

In honor of Mother's Day, I wanted to share a journal entry I wrote on Costa Rican Mother's Day in 2009, when I experienced a Mother's Day celebration with our new church for the first time:

"I love events like this that give me a window into the culture in which we live...  We were supposed to share about the birth of our first child (all 20 of us! It took a LONG time!).  Through this, I learned that Ticas - and probably Latinas in general - have a flair for dramatic storytelling.  As the women told their stories, there was a lot of "Ay, yo sufrí muchísimo!" (Oh, I suffered so much!).  I've noticed this before: when Ticas get together, they talk about their kids' births... and when they talk about pregnancy and labor, they like to emphasize the pain!  But, it is interesting; I don't get the impression that they are trying to exaggerate or to "one-up" each other.  They just genuinely all enjoy telling and listening to dramatic stories!  Several women even stood up and told their stories with great gestures and facial expressions; they are true storytellers!

The stories seemed to escalating in dramatics until one of my friends reminded us that there was a girl there who is expecting her first baby next month.  The poor girl, who is still a teenager, was sitting there with huge eyes, looking a little terrified.  Fortunately, the next lady who spoke is very sweet, and she redeemed the whole situation by acknowledging that, yes, labor hurts, but when it's over and the doctor hands you your precious little baby (and here she paused to crook her arm as if she was holding a baby and looked down at this imaginary baby with an adoring, angelic look on her face), you'll be overwhelmed by God's gift to you.  You'll say "¿Es mío? ¡Que bendición!  ¡Que responsibilidad!" (Is he mine?  What a blessing!  What a responsibility!). 

As I looked at my friend's sweet face glowing with the remembrance of her feelings at her children's births, and as my heart related to hers, I realized that in spite of cultural differences, there are some things that unite women all around the world.  The joy, the challenges, the sweetness, and the responsibility of motherhood is a common factor to all women with children.  And, as I thought about that, I didn't feel like the only gringa (foreigner, from the USA) there anymore; I just felt like one of the women in this group of mothers who love the Lord, and who are thankful for the children He has blessed them with.  Praise the Lord!" 

with my dear friend, who I now call my mamá tica (Costa Rican mom)

Since that day four years ago, my friendships with these women have grown and we have truly shared life together.  We consult each other as mom friends do.  We learn from our different ways of doing things and can pick and choose the best of both cultures.  The women in these photos represent the Tica friends who have loved our kids and supported me as a mom through the majority of our time living here.  Some of them are older than me; they are the ones who encourage me to focus on the blessing of my kids and the ministry I have in being their mom.  Others, like our pastor's wife below, are in the same stage of babies, toddlers and preschoolers that I am in; we are walking through the adventure of motherhood together!  I am so thankful for the richness that these cross-cultural friendships bring to motherhood for me.

with my kindred spirit and pastor's wife at this year's Mother's Day church celebration

Is Mother's Day celebrated in your host country?  How is it celebrated?  Has motherhood given you the opportunity to go deep in conversations and friendships with local women?