When You Serve in a Support Role—Part 1

Every time I start a new job, it takes me awhile to grow into my role. It's kind of like getting a new pair of shoes. At first they're a bit uncomfortable, but over time your feet get broken into them and the shoes get more and more comfortable.

That's how I felt when I first stepped into my role as a missionary's wife two years ago. In the beginning, I didn't feel comfortable with telling all of our supporters and those who may be supporting us that yes, I'm a missionary... but I'm going to be a stay at home wife and mum. I had a hard time getting my mind around the thought that my job is just as important and support-worthy as my husband's job (also in a support role).

Image Credit: David Mayerhofer

Serving as a wife and mother has helped me learn that what I do is an important and valuable position. In some ways, it's a thankless job, but it doesn't go unnoticed by God! What has helped me in coming to this realisation is Proverbs 31. To me, the woman described in these verses is serving in a support role in her home. Now that's someone to strive to be! :)

She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:27 (ESV)

Serving in my role as a wife and mother blesses my husband (Proverbs 31:28). Here are some of the ways I can do that:

• Keeping our house. This might be obvious, but for us this really blesses my husband. He likes it when I can take responsibility for the running of our home. Personally, I'm still growing into this job. :)
  
• Taking care of our son (and any future children we may have). This is another obvious one, but hey... it's important! Being able to raise our son and not have to send him away for someone else to care for is such a blessing! It's such a privilege to raise this little one God has given us in a biblical way.
  
• Doing partner ministry. Since getting married, I have taken on a fair amount of responsibility to contact and connect with our supporters and prayer partners. Usually I write most emails, postcards, connect through social media, etc. It takes the burden off of my husband so he can focus on his ministry more. He still helps me with those things, but I can serve him by doing most of it.
  

Those are some ways that you can serve in your support role as a wife and mother. In my next post, I'll share about how my family serves in a support role within our organisation, and how God can use us in that.

How do you serve in your ministry as a wife and mother? Do you have a role within your ministry or is your primary role being a wife and mother?

 

Chrysti is a missionary wife and mum serving in the north of England. You can find her blogging at Hedding Somewhere.

Greener Grass

Is the grass really greener on the other side?

Some days I long to be living back in America. I think of how wonderful it is to have water every day, stable electricity, a well-stocked grocery store, smooth roads, convenience, privacy... At times I can feel very alone, with a feeling that no one understands my life, or is holding me up in prayer.

We just got back from a short trip to the States. I was so excited to "eat up" as much 'green grass' as I could during those six weeks. And I thoroughly enjoyed the hot baths, regular electricity (although it did go out for several hours one night), shopping, and eating out. America was just as "green" as I remembered it - or was it?

My first Sunday back at our sending church a lady shares how her husband lost his job, and they are trusting God to meet their needs. I hear of another church member who is losing her house. Both are faithful givers. (My 'dusty' side of the world finds my bank account with support from those who faithfully give through their local church.) While out of town I get a phone call from my son. "Mr. So-And-So just committed suicide." The next Sunday I hug the wife, and watch as the son breaks down while singing in the choir. 

You know what I found over there in the 'green grass?'

heartache 

loss

pain

suffering

The Lord speaks to my heart and asks me some hard questions:

• Are you really thankful for what I provide for you?
• Do you think you deserve what I provide?
• Do you care about the suffering of others as much as you want them to care about you?
• Do you pray for others in the way you hope they pray for you?

My mind wanders to Psalm twenty-three...

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."

It hits me. 'Green grass' isn't a place, it's a Person. Jesus wants to lead me to green pastures. And when I follow Him, He restores my soul - not family, or friends, or Walmart. He also wants me to point others to follow Him. Whether that be first through a saving knowledge of Him, or to be reminded that in Him are the answers and comfort they need.

Moving Across the World: Packing

We have now arrived at the packing phase in this crazy journey of moving across the world.  Ya'll ready for this?  (Seriously, click on the link, you just might need that crazy music to pump you up this is phase.  Maybe Eye of the Tiger, or something silly like the Numa Numa kid?  Now I am just stalling.)  Remember back at the beginning when I said that you could watch our family move?  Well, the timing of this is just about perfect.  We are two weeks away from flying out to Costa Rica to settle in for real.  We spent a year in language school there, but now we are moving there for good.  So after I finish writing this post, I will be heading to the basement to do some more packing.  Seriously.  And I think I will be listening to Eye of the Tiger as I run down the stairs fist pumping the air. 

Now let's see...maybe a good place to start would be what to pack in.  And real quick here, I am going to tell you what we use, but there are other options, and no, I am not getting any free kickbacks from the companies that make these things, but if they want to help out, I am not going to complain.  We've known others to use a hogpodge of suitcase and handme down bags.  That's wonderful.  For us, we thought it made sense to buy what would work best for us, all new, because this is a way of life for us now.  We'll be using these bags from now until forever.  The OCD part of me likes that it all matches too.  Makes the luggage carousels so much easier.  I know I'm are looking for 12 green duffels and two trunks.

Alright, so we use Contico footlockers and Kelty basecamp large duffle bags.  Both of these are the maximum dimensions you can check for the airlines (62 inches).  The footlockers are a heavy duty plastic and weigh about 10 pounds (more on why that matters later).  The duffels are heavy duty and weight almost nothing.  You can get the footlockers online at Walmart, and we just discovered that Lowe's sells them in the stores.  The duffels we ordered online for about $25 with free shipping.

We have found that you really do need both.  Because of the insanely low weight limit of 50 pounds per bag now (oh for the days when they allowed you to pack them to 70 pounds!) giving up 10 pounds just for the container can seem a bit silly, but there are some things, like your sewing machine, that really need to be packed in something sturdier.  A sewing machine in a duffel wouldn't be a great idea.  Have you seen how they throw your luggage under the plane?  But there are many other things that the duffel bag will work just fine for, especially if you are packing clothes, sheets or towels around them.

Now, one addition to our collection that we just made was an Action Packer.  For some reason, these were recommended to me by all my African Missionary Friends, but none of my Latin American Missionary Friends.  Not sure why.  But the advantage the Action Packer has is that it is a couple inches taller than the trunks.  The reason we added it to our collection was I have this lovely stand mixer that is too tall for the trunk.  In fact, it was too tall for the Action Packer as well, but my plastics engineer friend who is a TCK took a butcher knife to the inside of the lid and with a little nipping here and there, created a custom lid for my mixer!!  I can't tell you how excited I was last night when he solved the problem that has been plaguing us for a year!

Ok, so you have your luggage, now comes time to pack. (Again cue the pump up pregame music, ok seriously, click on this one!  It will crack you up and you're kids will love it!)  The best way I have found to get all that stuff you have weeded through and made ruthless decisions about packed is to get it all in one central location.  The house we have been staying in this summer has an amazing basement and I all summer I just kept bringing stuff down there as we would buy it or acquire it.  And the beauty of this system is you can just leave it and it doesn't disrupt normal life.  Also, because it's in our basement, our kids don't usually go down there, which means they aren't pulling out this favorite toy, or that book and running off with it totally messing up your organization!

Next, grab a bag or trunk and start packing.  Here's the part that bothers me, you can't pack your like items together.  All your books in one bag makes for great organization, but you are going to be waaaaaaaaaaaay over your weight limit on that bag if you do it that way.  Over time, you'll get to know how much things weight and you'll figure out how to spread out the big things in and amongst the little things.  Oh, and this is a good time to talk about another amazing product, the digital luggage scale.  It's the best money we have spent! I start packing and after a few big things I'll weigh it to see where we're at. Weigh your bags as many times as you need to.  I also always pack to around 48 or 49 pounds, because giving yourself a little leeway is a good idea.  Who knows if the airline scales are going to be a bit off and you don't want to get charged for $50 or $100 for one extra pound.

We numbered all our trunks and bags.  I just took a Sharpie and wrote 1, 2, 3 etc somewhere on the bag.  Then in the moving note book, I have what is in each bag according to the number.  This is good for a couple of reasons.  1.  You know where your stuff is.  That way you don't have unpack everything to find your pots and pans, you just know they are in bag 4.  2.  For customs, you have a list, just in case.  and 3.  You have a list for the airline just in case that bag gets lost somewhere along the way.  I also have started putting the weight of each bag next to the list so I know if I can add a bit more to it or not later.

Here's a secret tip on packing duffels.  Once you get it stuffed full and you realize you still have 6 pounds you can use, zip that sucker up, grab the end and shake.  And then shake a little bit more.  Guess what?  You know have a couple of inches to shove stuff!  Hurray!

There is always the great fold or roll debate when it comes to clothes.  My advice?  Do both.  Start with laying things flat in the bag and then as you have nooks and crannies that need to be filled, roll.  With practice you will get really, really good at this.  I promise. 

Now, things are probably going to look a lot worse before they look better, and that's ok.  This is a process folks.  Here's how our basement looked just a few days ago.

Yikes!  But little by little, things start to get put into bags and trunks and you can see the progress!

 Look!  Two packed bags!!  Hurray!  Pat yourself on the back, and head upstairs and do something else for a little while.  And then come back and start again.

Now, something that I have struggled with this time has been how much we are taking.  As of today, we are taking 15 checked bags, 4 carryons and 4 backpacks.  That seems like a whole lot.  And yet, it seems to be what we need.  My dear, sweet, husband keeps reminding me that it is just fine.  We aren't being frivolous, we aren't extravagant, we have prayed over all the decisions in regards to what to give away, what to buy and what to take.  God has provided the money to transport all of these, and this is just the reality of moving a family across the world.  Someone else mentioned to me that most people move with a full truck, so 15 bags isn't bad.  Again, you aren't more spiritual or godly if you only bring 1 bag verses 15.  It's not about that.  It is about what does your family need to minister effectivly in the country you are headed.  So pray about it, be wise and then don't second guess yourself.  You got this! Because, you my friend, are a champion!

So, what is your best packing tip?

Want more?  Check out these other posts!
Want more MAW?  Check these out
Moving Across the World:  The Beginning
Moving Across the World:  Toys 
Moving Across the World:  Buying and Acquiring 
Moving Across the World:  The Big Day(s) 
Moving Across the World:  Helpful This and Thats

Poor Missionary Kid?

I've heard people say before that missionaries are making sacrifices. Missionary kids, even more so. Oh, those poor missionary kids. I recently read this quote by David Livingston, "If a commission by an earthly king is considered an honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice." Yes, my kids live 13,000 miles away from their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends. But we are exactly where God wants us. I remember when I first told my dad that I was dating a man that had been called to Australia's Outback. I asked him what he thought. He said, "I would rather you live in the middle of Australia's Outback in God's will, then live next door out of God's will."

Some days it is difficult to not have family living close by, to not go to Cracker Barrel with my dad and brothers Sunday after church, or run to Wal-Mart and get everything you need in one trip. But, oh how the blessings outweigh those little conveniences! My kids have seen more of this world in the last few years than most adults have seen in their entire lifetime. They have opportunities everyday to serve the Lord and serve others. I do not want my children to feel special because they are missionary kids, I want them to feel honored that God chose us. I've met some grown missionary children that have a sense of entitlement, like we owe them something. This may be because people were constantly telling them how much they had to give up, and how sorry they were for them to have to grow up on foreign soil. Not all missionary kids are like this, but I have met some that are.

I want my children to grow up with a desire to serve the Lord, whether we were living in America or here in Australia. We were given a special call to come here to Australia, we are blessed. There are children here in Australia that have lived here their entire lives. No one thinks they're making a great sacrifice. What sacrifices did we make to come here? To live the American dream? Well, we're living the Australian dream! The Lord has blessed us with a nice home, my kids each have their own rooms (something they didn't have in the states, they shared a room), we have a nice Jeep (something my husband loves), and we have a dog (another thing we didn't have in the states). So, if anything we were sacrificing while living in the states! I am blessed. My kids are blessed. God has been so very good to us.

So, I said all this to say this...don't feel so sorry for my kids...be jealous! Ha! Just kidding, well, a little. :) Seriously, my kids do miss their friends and family. They get homesick. I get homesick. But like Paul said in I Timothy 1:12, "And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry." The times I do get homesick, I think of Heaven. What a short time we get here on earth to spend serving the Lord and "sacrificing" for Him, but I will get all eternity to worship God and spend with my family in Heaven. It's only a brief moment in time we have here on earth, and I pray my life will be used to further the Kingdom of Heaven for His name's sake.

 

Do you feel you are sacrificing, dear missionary friend, or do you feel blessed? 

 

Tuesday Topic: Schooling

Please send me your questions! I didn't have anything this week, so I took a suggestion from the other blog: What is your favorite homeschool curriculum for overseas moms? And then I'm adding more to it, so as not to leave anyone out: If your children go to a local school, do you "afterschool" them to get in some English? If so, how? Or, if your children go to a school that teaches in English, what is your favorite thing about their school? Just tell us what you love about your children's education now! And you can ask us to pray for the challenges, too, of course.

(If you have a “Tuesday Topic” question, please email it to me at fylliska@gmail.com. Provide your blog address if you would like to be linked to, or specify if you would like to remain anonymous. Thanks!)

Time Management Tips for Missionary Moms

Do you feel that you are a good manager of your time? Are you able to do your regular and necessary activities with enough reserves to cope temporarily with an emergency or with a challenging situation?  Or do you find yourself just struggling to do keep your normal schedule

Tips for time management:

Stay grounded in God’s word –read, memorize, review and remember helpful verses that can guide your day.

Pray.  Remember that this day is to be used for the Lord.  Even interruptions and change of plans can be used for the Lord!

Use the talents and gifts that God has given you – appreciate and use those special abilities that God has for your ministry.

Make Lists – The most important is my to-do list. When I make my meal plans for the week, I also make my shopping list for groceries.  I also have lists for packing for travel, future plans, etc.

Prioritize today’s to-do list – what must be done today, what needs to be done today or in the next few days, what can be done in the future

Be productive while waiting – use the usual idle time to complete a task.  File your nails while talking on the phone.  Do the dishes or load the dishwasher while listening to a program. 

Spend 20 minutes daily on a chore.  Doing a little bit every day keeps the chores from becoming overwhelming on a Saturday or a day off.

Menu planning.  Plan what you are going to have for meals each week and plan your grocery shopping at the same time.  After one day’s dinner is served, eaten and cleaned up, get ready for your next day’s meal.  Take out meat or frozen food to thaw and make sure you have all the ingredients for the main course and the sides.

Take care of yourself.  Exercise.  Eat right.  Take your vitamins.  Get enough sleep.  There is nothing like feeling unenergetic, run down and tired to feel that you can’t manage your time!

What is your biggest struggle in managing your time?   What have you found that helps you to be a good manager of your time?

Calm My Anxious Heart, chapter 5

I'm continuing through Calm My Anxious Heart. Here is what I have written so far: chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, and chapter 4.

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.

Colossians 3:12-14

This chapter is causing me to do some real soul searching. It's called "Content in Relationships." At first, I read the title and thought this would be easy; I don't feel like I have many relationships these days. God has been using these years to teach me to be content without real, close friends around me, and that's been good. He can use loneliness to turn me to Himself.

However, in this chapter He's going deeper with me. Linda Dillow writes about forgiving when others have hurt us. Of course. But then she talks about going beyond forgiveness, and that's what I need to think about applying. There has been a situation in my life that can be described like what I found right in this chapter: "You're in a standoff, and no healing has soothed the hurt" (page 69). I have forgiven and I hope that I have been forgiven, but there's still pain and awkwardness. Linda Dillow chose to actively try to bless the woman she had been in conflict with. I don't know that I can do that now, in this situation--because of physical distance and more--but I have been praying about how I can go beyond forgiveness, and I have decided that I will be this person's faithful prayer warrior. What could be a better start at "putting on love" than praying for her every day?

We can't control others: husband, children, friends, roommate, coworker, relatives. We can't make choices for others, only for ourselves. We can trust God, and we can control ourselves! We can do our part to pursue peace in relationships--and that brings contentment (page 77).

What have you learned about contentment in relationships? How do you go beyond forgiveness for someone who has hurt you?