Date Night? Date Night!

We have recently made the move back to South Carolina after serving for seven years down in the middle of South America. We didn't expect it, we weren't prepared for it, and we are still reeling from how quickly it happened. Extended family situations made it very clear that we needed to be back in the US about the same time I felt God shifting things inside my heart, and it was undeniable that He was going ahead of us to lead the way for our big move.

We left the US for Paraguay back in 2008 with 9- and 11-year-old girls, smack in the middle of homeschooling and community basketball league and children's church. My husband had a secular job in addition to being the youth pastor at our local church, and I was the at-home mom taking side jobs and short-term mission trips. We had no idea what the words free time meant. Our best attempts at date nights often looked like a bad sit-com episode where the sitter calls about the kid running a fever about the time we place an order at the local fast-food joint on our way to a youth rally.

Fast forward a bit to our years in Paraguay, when our girls were going through adolescence and we were learning two languages, adjusting to all the cultural changes, building a ministry, going through major health challenges and a serious accident, and continuing to homeschool. Free time was still this elusive concept, and date nights were a movie and popcorn after sending the girls to their room early for the night.

And now here we are back in the states. One daughter has graduated high school and is in a gap year, and the younger one is a junior in high school. They are old enough and in a safe enough area that we don't have to be near them at all hours here. We have a car that cranks when we turn the key and can drive around without the feeling that we may, at any moment, die. My husband is still looking for a job, so we are seeing a lot of each other every day. The modern appliances and giant, all-inclusive stores have simplified daily activities to the point that I feel like I suddenly have that thing I'd only heard whispered about in certain circles and seen played out in movies and books--free time.

And it hit me that we are now in prime position to have what I've always dreamed date nights should be. We can go out, just the two of us. We can wear decent clothes that won't be ruined on public transportation. We can choose from a crazy-huge selection of restaurants or activities. We can stay out late. We can find time on the calendar that isn't covered in commitments. I struggle with feeling guilty over such indulgences, or enjoying the convenience and pure joy of these sorts of things because, well, it's just strange and rare and odd and weird and different and…

…really exciting.

So as we adjust to all the negative aspects of re-entry, I have this little thought in the back of my mind that makes me giggle and feel a bit like a movie star--I get to date my husband again!

Have you found ways to date your spouse on the field? How has your typical date night evolved through the different stages of your marriage?

"Consecrated Negligence"

2014.

Another new year.

And probably like most people - at least in western societies and cultures - I've been taking stock of the past twelve months, evaluating successes, analyzing failures and trying to figure out what I need to change to better be obedient to God, love and honor Him while also genuinely loving the people around me. 

Thanks to a book I've been reading, one recommended by a trusted friend and mentor, the words "consecrated negligence" probably best describe one of my key goals for this next year. I'm sharing them with you because they are words from which many of us missionary types would benefit if we would only take them to heart. 

This year is a furlough/home assignment year. Our Nigerien colleagues always called it a vacation or holiday. Most missionaries know that it is anything but. 

Six months in, I'm feeling the exhaustion/exultation all mixed up... Piled on top of that, there's the exhaustion of an intense ministry term in West Africa and then just the transition of coming back to our home country and readjusting to life here - it has been a huge learning curve... and what I'm learning is that I can't do it all the way I've managed in the past. I've not yet determined if it is because I'm getting older or it is because as my kids get older, their needs actually become more demanding (not to mention the stakes seem a lot higher) and I'm being stretched in so many more and different ways... 

Things that I want... that I believe should... be happening just aren't. Like the ladies' Bible study I was looking forward to attending. Or learning to make a sourdough starter and bake sourdough bread... Not to mention just keeping up with the laundry (with consistent electricity and water) and a dryer! More than once I've felt like these trees might have felt (if I believed that trees had feelings) after the huge ice storm that rolled through our part of the world a few weeks back... bent over, weighed down, knowing that something soon - any more piled on or hanging off - just might cause me to crack and crash to the ground... or reshape me so much that there is little hope of bouncing back.

Thus, as I'm reading about expat workers and emotional fatigue and realizing I'm more or less in that zone - the phrase "consecrated negligence" has bored its way into the fog, and is something that God will be teaching me more about this year.

What is "consecrated negligence?"

It isn't a term I coined and I don't even know who to credit - other than the vague credit given in the book I've been reading: 

One Christian worker in Denver practices what he calls consecrated negligence. He just chooses not to do certain things even though they need to be done. He says, "If those tasks aren't critical and I feel like I've done all I can handle, I just consecrate the to God and neglect them."

I guess some would call that prioritizing. Others might call it delegating.

But for driven, perfectionist types like myself, there is a key difference. Prioritizing doesn't remove or ever look the other way. It simply says that I'll do that other job once I get these more imperative things done first. Delegating takes a job that I'm convinced is important and gives or assigns it to someone else, for someone else to accomplish.

Neglect, on the other hand, is abandoning and failing to look after; it implies choosing not to cherish and disregarding, often because other things have already captured your time and attention. One synonym is "shirk." 

Put that way, it sounds unbiblical.

But is it any less unbiblical than forgetting that it all doesn't depend on me? That God actually doesn't need me? 

And so this year, one of my hopes is that I'll take some steps in practicing this consecrated negligence. I want to be able to realize that some things I'm doing because they are my ideas, not necessarily God's. For those things that I just can't do and the times when I can't keep up - I want to learn to purposefully step away and recognize that what God wants done, He ultimately handles it or impresses someone to serve in that way. Sometimes the stepping away might be from something mundane - like making sure the house is picked up each night before bed. Sometimes it might include higher stakes, like an upcoming and potentially life changing ministry opportunity. But in either circumstance as well as an infinity of other ones landing anywhere along said continuum, I know there are times God wants me to abandon my ideas of what needs to be done and rest in the knowledge that God is sovereign.

I'm still figuring out how to figure this all out...

What about you?

What do you think of this idea of consecrated negligence? 

Do you already practice the same thing by another name? 

Is this something you think you need to start learning, practicing and applying in your life?

Do You Spend Too Much Time Online?

 

 

Do I spend too much time online?  This is a question I've been asking myself lately.  For missionaries (especially us women) this is our escape to all our friends and family back in America.  It allows us to not miss our nephew's first birthday, or a friend's wedding, or what so-and-so had for lunch (because, really we all gots-ta-know!)  Loneliness, homesickness, fear, these are all things that can drive us to escape in the internet world.  But how much is too much?

 

I am currently reading an e-book call The UnWired Mom by Sarah Mae.  It is very thought provoking and convicting.  I've really been watching myself the past few days to see how much time I really spend online, and let's just say, I'd be embarrassed to tell you!

 

With all media outlets: blogs, twitter, pinterest, facebook, instagram, google+, etc., there is so much time that can be wasted online.  Just minutes can easily turn into hours.  I often wonder what my children will remember about their childhood, and about me.  Will they remember our game times, mommy reading books to them?  Or will they just remember mommy always on her computer?

 

One of my New Year's Goals this year was to say 'yes' to my children more often and be more intentional in my children's lives.  My kids are growing up so fast, it's almost frightening.  God has given me this huge responsibility to raise my children for Him.  How can I possibly do that while I check my facebook notifications every half hour?

 

Please understand I'm not saying the internet is evil (although I do believe a large portion of it is), I am saying though that all things be done in moderation.  Balance.

 

Balance.

 

I just love that word.  It can be applied to so many areas of our life.  Right now I am applying it to the internet world. 

 

Sarah Mae asks in her book, "Is how you are living your days how you would live them if they were your last?"  Ouch!  I wrote out that quote and put it on my bulletin board just above my desk...which holds my laptop.  It has helped motivate me to get some things done that I've been putting off.

 

Here are some of my suggestions on limiting your time online...

 

• Pray.  Ask God to help you balance your time. 
• Keep your computer turned off.  Our mornings are consumed with homeschooling, if I turn on my computer, then my kids only get half my attention.  My goal is to keep my computer turned off until after lunch.  My kids are past the napping stage, but we still have room time.  After lunch we all go our rooms for an hour (or longer if they don't notice...shhhh!).  This is the time I allow to check my email and facebook messages.
• Use apps.  The book lists several apps and programs (for Google chrome) that limits your time on social networking sites.  I have not tried any of these yet, I'm too scared!
• Take a media fast.  This is something I plan to do, but I really want to plan it out, and not go cold turkey.  I'm thinking I may just take one day a week where I don't go online...at all.
•  

What are some ways you moderate your time online? 

Is this a struggle for you?

 

 

If you're interested in the book, The UnWired Mom by Sarah Mae, I'd encourage you to check out her website and purchase her ebook.   (This is my personal recommendation, I am not being reimbursed in any way.)

 

 

Time Management Tips for Missionary Moms

Do you feel that you are a good manager of your time? Are you able to do your regular and necessary activities with enough reserves to cope temporarily with an emergency or with a challenging situation?  Or do you find yourself just struggling to do keep your normal schedule

Tips for time management:

Stay grounded in God’s word –read, memorize, review and remember helpful verses that can guide your day.

Pray.  Remember that this day is to be used for the Lord.  Even interruptions and change of plans can be used for the Lord!

Use the talents and gifts that God has given you – appreciate and use those special abilities that God has for your ministry.

Make Lists – The most important is my to-do list. When I make my meal plans for the week, I also make my shopping list for groceries.  I also have lists for packing for travel, future plans, etc.

Prioritize today’s to-do list – what must be done today, what needs to be done today or in the next few days, what can be done in the future

Be productive while waiting – use the usual idle time to complete a task.  File your nails while talking on the phone.  Do the dishes or load the dishwasher while listening to a program. 

Spend 20 minutes daily on a chore.  Doing a little bit every day keeps the chores from becoming overwhelming on a Saturday or a day off.

Menu planning.  Plan what you are going to have for meals each week and plan your grocery shopping at the same time.  After one day’s dinner is served, eaten and cleaned up, get ready for your next day’s meal.  Take out meat or frozen food to thaw and make sure you have all the ingredients for the main course and the sides.

Take care of yourself.  Exercise.  Eat right.  Take your vitamins.  Get enough sleep.  There is nothing like feeling unenergetic, run down and tired to feel that you can’t manage your time!

What is your biggest struggle in managing your time?   What have you found that helps you to be a good manager of your time?