A reader asks: We have our first visitors coming and I am very nervous. These particular guests are family and I am anxious about how they will react to our life, home, ministry situation, what we eat here, how we have to live life. I don't know if we should brief them on some of these things before they come, or just wait until they get here. How much should we shelter them from some of the harsher realities of our life, ministry and living conditions? How do you help parents who have never left the states through culture stress?
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This is a good question! We had our first visitors only six weeks after living here and we did not prepare them well for what they would experience since everything was still so new to us. These family members had only traveled within the US and England, so San Jose, Costa Rica was a big shock to them. I think it is definitely better to prepare them for big differences, but not in an apologetic or "this is going to be really hard for you" kind of way. Maybe you could make a fun "top ten" list of things that they will find different so that they will have those things in mind when they arrive. Sending some photos of your home and street may help give them a mental picture of where they'll be so it won't be as surprising. Let them know that you are very excited about them coming and about showing them your new life! Something that I hadn't thought of, but that I wish I had, was sharing with them a little of what the food would be like, since they arrived expecting that Costa Rican food would be the same as Mexican food. =)
ReplyDeleteI have found that I also need to prepare myself for visitors. I need to spend time praying for grace and wisdom as visitors may say things that I could let offend or hurt me about our different way of life. I also have found that having visitors come can be a time when I'm tempted to grow discontent as I start to view our home or town through their eyes. So, I pray for strength to guard myself from those types of thoughts. I try to make sure to show them our favorite places and talk about the things we love about living here, because there are many!
Hope this helps and hope it's a great visit.
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DeleteSarah! You're in San Jose?! We're near Heredia! And you work with EMI? I am guessing you know Zack and Jennie Graham then?! We should meet up for cafecito sometime!:)
ReplyDeleteLiz, YES! Zack and Jennie are our teammates! Did you know them in language school? We were at ILE in 2008, but have been living in Atenas for the past 4 years. I would love to have cafecito with you sometime! Even though we have been here for a long time, I actually don't know very many gringa missionaries besides our teammates..
DeleteI loved your thoughts, Sarah! We have had various sorts of visitors ranging from those who found the differences here fascinating to those who found them frightening. i always think it is great to present the differences like an adventure. I like the idea about sending pictures and agree that it is good share a bit in advance about some of the things that might be different. When we've had visitors start to comment negatively about the culture or way that we/others live, we've found it often a good opportunity to share some of the new perspective that God has been gracious enough to give us since living overseas. A number of responses to such negative comments went something like, "When we first moved to Russia, I thought the same way, but now that we've lived here for awhile God's helped us to actually really love ____(ex: post-communist apartment living)____ because we've learned ____(ex: that we really can be just as content with fewer possessions and less space and found that we really love the close community that results from living so close together)____. I think one of the biggest blessings that God has given me since living overseas is learning to see things from new angles and I think it is a great thing to sensitively share with others.
ReplyDeleteThis is also semi-related, but I think it is very important to talk clearly beforehand to find out your visitors' hopes and expectations before they arrive (ie: Do they want to spend a lot of time sight-seeing? Do they prefer mostly to just see your daily life? Do they want to do as much as possible during their time, or are they looking for leisure? What are they nervous about? What are they most excited about?) We had one set of visitors where we thought we knew their desires for their visit and had tried very hard to accommodate, only to find out half way through that we were not meeting their expectations. That was quite hard and I had wished we had known from the beginning what their hopes had been.
I think Ashley's comments about knowing their expectations beforehand is great.If the guests were my parents, I would do what I could to make things as comfortable as possible. I would also let them know what to expect.
ReplyDeleteWhen guests are NOT family, I also think it's great if your guests know YOUR limitations of time, etc. In our case we have lots of people coming through, and Turkey is a tourism destination. So we try to let guests know we're happy to have them with us, but we also have to continue living life, with home schooling and ministery. This is because we have guests so frequently that receiving guests could easily become our only ministry. I try to let people know that I home school, which means I can spend afternoons with them. We also let people know that if they want to travel to ruins and beaches, we can help them buy bus tickets and go on their own. It gets too expensive for us to take every guests to all sight seeing destinations. Of course with family members and close friends, these limitations don't apply as much.:-)