Killed By Comparison

Has anyone else ever played the "one-up" game? You know, the game where you suffer more, have more parasites, speak the language better, feed more orphans, build a bigger church, etc. Maybe you haven't played it, but you've seen in played out online, at conferences, or at church. 

Back in the olden days of missions, this thing called the internet didn't exist. People were forced to rely on very unreliable mail systems in the countries where they served, and international phone calls were expensive ordeals. Today we live in the golden age of communication…the tools of the missionary trade include email, blogs, Skype, FaceTime, Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook, and all kinds of international phone and texting services.

It seems like every other missionary is posting status updates and tweets throughout the week, plus sending out cleverly crafted e-updates with professional photos. I haven’t even mentioned trying to keep up with the ministry blog to maintain a perfect balance of words of inspiration, and requests for more funding please! Apparently to do missions today we need a degree in communications and tons of computer tech experience just to feel like we are keeping up a basic level of communication.

Then there is the pressure to network…to retweet other missionary’s tweets to show we are on board, to attend networking meetings, or local missionary retreats. The reality is that the pressure is there and it is absolutely exhausting.

By the end of the day, we are burned out thinking about everything we didn’t get done. A click of the mouse confirms our worst fears…everyone else is doing way better.

The comparison monster seems to lurk in the corners of churches and missionary field offices just waiting to rear its ugly head. The internet offers it the prime opportunity to sink its teeth into an unsuspecting victim. I’ve seen it happen…one missionary posts a picture of their new church, and another posts a picture of their outreach event. Someone ministering to the poor celebrates the number of meals distributed to a hungry community, and another posts a higher number. Yet another missionary talks of how much they are suffering, and someone else comments with “at least you aren’t dealing with what we are dealing with.”

Why do we do this? Why do we “one-up,” compare, cut down (even if it’s just in our minds), and feel threatened by other missionaries? Why do we hesitate to share ideas because someone might “steal” them? Why do we judge how another missions organization in our region is serving? Or not serving? Why do we let resentment and pride shape how we view our work and the work of others?

In short, why are we letting comparison kill us?

The reasons are many, and they all have to do with our own need for God. We have insecurities, personal failures, and weaknesses. We squirm when they are brought to the surface. Instead of acknowledging that maybe someone else does have something valuable to contribute, it’s easier to cut them down to make us feel better. It’s sick, and it hurts the growth of God’s Kingdom.

So how can we stop doing it? When we have so much at stake ourselves, how can we keep the comparison monster from eating us alive?

The answer is simple, yet sometimes is just so hard. Hebrews 12:2 encourages us to “fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” Maybe it’s time to take our eyes off of our newsfeed and focus them on Jesus. Maybe we need to look deep in our hearts and ask where we are finding worth…in how many shares our blog post gets? In how awesome our graphics are? Are we finding it in how well we speak the language, or how well our kids have adapted? These things clamor for our attention, but only Jesus deserves our worship, and when we take our eyes off of Him, we can fall victim to comparison. 

Anyone else relate to this? Maybe I’m not the only one who wants to give up when I see a beautifully crafted blog post by a mom who speaks in a perfect accent, can seamlessly recreate every recipe missed by her family, and still has time to maintain a dynamic ministry. Maybe I am not the only one who needs to worry a little bit less about what everyone else is doing, and focus a little bit more on being faithful to what Jesus is calling me to do today.

What about you? Have you seen comparison killing your ministry or the ministry of someone else? How can we stop the comparison monster from stealing our joy and the joy of those around us?

When We Need a Reminder Why We're Here

Sometimes we need to be reminded why we're here. Why are we living cross-culturally? Why did we choose to leave our lives of comfort to serve the Lord in another country? Why did we choose to be missionaries?

The other day, we had a delivery man at our door. While I was receiving this delivery, he tried to make conversation with us. He made a comment about our son's accent sounding like the local accent, which led to him questioning me why my husband and I would choose to live here if we're both American. It seemed this man couldn't get his mind around why we'd choose to work for our organisation here, when we could give our children a "better life" in America.

I'll be honest—I struggled not to get angry with this delivery man after he left. He genuinely didn't understand why we'd come to this part of the world to work for a charity.

But that's just it. Our jobs as missionaries don't make sense to the rest of the world. Serving God is foolish to them. And that's why we're here: To serve the Lord and bring the Gospel to those who need it. We're lights shining in the darkness. We should use situations like this to shine even brighter for the Lord.

Sisters, don't let yourself grow weary as you're doing the Lord's work. We shine in the darkness. We'll see the fruit of our work in God's time. Even when people question our choices.

For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 Corinthians 1:18 

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith. Galatians 6:9-10

Oops

Even though I am so excited about new Tuesday ideas, I can't do anything with them today. I got SICK very suddenly. So, I ask you all to pray for me.

Post your own prayer requests in the comments, and we will have a little impromptu prayer meeting this week....

Longevity in Ministry ~ Dare to Disclose

A few months back I began a series that has certainly been challenging and thought- provoking for me. I hope God is also using it in your life. The information discussed comes from a sermon by the senior pastor at my sending church. My notes start with these words: "Like longevity in life, some basic things are needed - right genes, right diet, right exercise, and right environment." Can you see the spiritual parallels? Examining how these principles apply to longevity in ministry on the mission field is forcing me to evaluate whether or not I've been building into my daily life the right sorts of habits and practices to facilitate such longevity.

In the first few posts of the series, I shared the foundation my pastor laid out: to "start, run and finish well," includes two key components. First, we must trust in the sovereignty and sufficiency of God which includes praying like everything depends on God. At the same time we must be obedient, working daily as though everything depends on us in God's strength and for God's glory.

What does the practical outworking of that look like?

Studying through the Bible references my pastor gave in that sermon, I've identified seven essential priorities that help protect from burnout and the temptation to sin... ones that direction and hope for the future... ones that remind that all is grace and a gift from God.

Those priorities are:

1. Growing an increasingly intimate relationship with the Lord by consistently, daily and throughout the day, seeking Him; 
2. Praying without ceasing (steadfastly, continuously, patiently, powerfully); 
3. Striving to maintain a good balance between personal growth and service or ministry; 
4. Welcoming accountability; 
5. Committing to marriage and family; 
6. Choosing to be teachable even in difficult circumstances; and 
7. Determining to be a genuine team player.

Recently, I've spent some time looking at what I think just might be the hardest one of these priorities for those of us who consider ourselves followers of Jesus. Add on the detail of full time Christian worker, minister or missionary... and we become even less likely to welcome what is, at best, viewed as an intrusion.

And the dreaded word is...

photo credit: yksin via photopin cc

...accountability.

Accountability means submitting to, as an obligation and with personal willingness, the responsibility to report and to explain one's words, actions, plans, etc. Give an account means to:

• disclose
• recited
• unfold
• enumerate
• enunciate
• proclaim
• relate
• make known
• report
• reveal
• hold forth

Those are just a few synonyms, and they cover many fine nuances of genuine accountability. But genuine accountability is scary. It means being vulnerable and leaving yourself exposed to the evaluation (informed and uniformed) followed by the resulting opinions, criticisms and  commentary of others. We might expect those outside of our church and our faith to "not get it," and we prepare for it. But when those we call brothers... sisters... colleagues... partners... disagree, don't understand or disapprove of what we've done or are doing or hope to do, it becomes easier and less painful to conceal, hide and suppress details and to instead craft a correct image that meets the expectations of others.

It feels like way to protect.

But that sort of image crafting doesn't protect. Rather, it is insidiously dangerous, leaving us vulnerable. 

Accountability is hard: requiring specific intent, diligent effort and a supernatural dose of humility.

1 Timothy 3 lays out the qualifications... the characteristics God desires to see in those who would seek to serve Him in a leadership position. These verses specifically speak of overseers and deacons, but I think the principles are applicable to all. In this case, I'm considering those who lead through their role as missionaries or overseas Christian workers. One of the key verses in that passage refers to the fact that if "anyone aspires to [such a position]... let them also be tested first; then let them serve..." "

The importance of accountability recurs throughout the entire counsel of God's Word: 

• iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27.17),
• restore those who sin, in a spirit of gentleness (Galatians 6:1),
• bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2),
• confess our sins to each other (James 5:16)
• pray for one another (James 5:16), 
• Matthew 18 and the description of how we are to confront one another when it is needed,
• "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12),
• bring back the brother who wanders (James 5:19-20),
• meet together, encourage one another (Hebrews 10:25), 
• exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today” (Hebrews 3:12-13), 
• it is shameful to legally settle a dispute between believers that should be settled as though between brothers (1 Corinthians 6),etween the brothers,
• “So you, son of man, I have made a watchman for the house of Israel. Whenever you hear a word from my mouth, you shall give them warning from me" (Ezekiel 33:7),
• We are obligated to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves (Romans 7),
• "Whoever says to the wicked, 'You are in the right,' will be cursed by peoples, abhorred by nations, but those who rebuke the wicked will have delight, and a good blessing will come upon them" (Proverbs 24:24-25),
• seeing a brother in need, closing the heart and not helping is not evidence of God's love abiding within... and in fact, if we do so our own heart condemns us (1 John 3:17-21)
• "Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you. Pray for us, for we are sure that we have a clear conscience, desiring to act honorably in all things. I urge you the more earnestly to do this in order that I may be restored to you the sooner. Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen" (from Hebrews 13),
• encourage one another, build one another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11),
• Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” He said, “I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?” (Genesis 4:9),
• consider how to motivate each other (Hebrews 10), 
• Pay attention, rebuke the sinning brother and forgive him when he repents (Luke 17:3),
• "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (Proverbs 17:17),
• “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." (from Matthew 5)

We can't escape the fact that God expects us to be accountable not only to Him, but to those in our lives here on this earth. This principle is literally peppered throughout the Bible - described and mandated directly, demonstrated both positively and negatively by different Biblical characters, and encouraged in principle even when not declared outright.

Is accountability hard for you? Why or why not?

Share ideas of what have you done, as an overseas or missionary worker, to build accountability into your life and ministry.

PS We'll keep on looking at accountability in the next post - so make sure you jump on in to the discussion and leave your responses in the comment section or on Facebook.

 Looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

***************************************

Series: Longevity in Ministry

1. Just Think About a Horseshoe, 26/07/2014

2. Trusting in the Sufficiency and Sovereignty of God, 09/08/2014

3. If you don't want to shorten your ministry... obediently abide, 23/08/2014

4. The essentials? Or merely superfluous? 13/09/2014

5. Habituate yourself? 27/09/2014

6. One Priority that can Never be in Excess, 11/10/2014

7. Of rest and rescue, 23/10/2014

Please note: 

Italicized words are from my notes or from the guided notes in the church bulletin

and are, to the best of my recall, actual content from the sermon.

The rest comes from my continued study and meditation prompted by that sermon.

To listen to the actual sermon "Start, Run and Finish Well," click here.

Tuesdays....

I've been thinking about Tuesday Topics, not wanting to say goodbye to them, and also getting excited about some other ideas. Here is what I have come up with:

(Thank you to everyone who helped with the brainstorming!)

Instead of always the same kind of discussion, we'll now have "Tuesdays Together." The focus will still be on interacting with each other, but it will come in several different formats. I want to rotate through them.

We'll still have Tuesday Topics, as the questions come in. So, please send them to fylliska@gmail.com. These are topics, usually practical ones, that we discuss together in the comments on each post.

Then I want to add a format where we give a conversation theme one week and compile everyone's thoughts about it for the next week. These will be deeper, chattier topics, where we invite you to grab a cup of coffee or tea and get to know your community a bit better when you have some time to sit and read a bit. These will be our Coffee Chats, and I'm basing them on something Ashley hosted several years ago.

Another one--I still need a (clever?) title for this--is where we share some of our daily life. We'll share about daily details of our lives, our homes, our surroundings, and more. I hope we'll include photos at least sometimes.

Also, books! and other reading material. Once in a while, I'm just going to ask what you're reading. Those posts will be a place to share what you've enjoyed and been encouraged by lately.

That's where we're headed: Tuesdays Together, discussing practical topics, "sharing" cups of coffee or tea, inviting each other into our daily lives, and telling about what we read. Does that sound good to you? Which one do you think you'll like best? Is there more that we should add to the rotation?

Hospitality: The Perfect Ministry For Moms?

I’ve been a mom for almost my entire experience in overseas ministry, and often I feel like I hear and experience the expectation that hospitality will naturally be the ideal ministry for me because I am at home with my kids much of the time. Usually I think people expect that it is one of the easier ways for young mothers to be involved in ministry and I’ve assumed this generalization to be truth until a recent freeing revelation. Hospitality is really hard for me, especially because I am a mom! 

 

My sweet daughter "helping" me wash mushrooms that we were preparing for guests. She decided her little toys needed to use the scrubbing bowl as a swimming pool.

I have often explained to my husband that trying to get our home ready for guests or events is like trying to build a brick building in the middle of an earthquake. Just as soon as I get one brick stacked, or rather one thing cleaned up or completed, the earth rumbles and multiple other bricks come crashing down, a.k.a. my little ones have urgent needs or the baby accidentally makes a mess out of the things that I’m trying to prepare for our guests. Yesterday was a perfect example. I had been prepping some food and left the dishes in the sink while I went to try to set up the living room for our guests. While moving a table, my little one-and-a-half year old managed to push the chair over to the sink and was having a blast splashing around in the soaking dishes by the time I got back. Needing to focus energy and attention to get my home and food ready means less attention for the kids. Less attention for the kids means more messes and additional work. 

Why am I writing this post? Am I trying to discourage us as mothers from practicing hospitality while we have little ones? Not at all! It is such a vital blessing and rich opportunity to minister to those around us. What I do hope to do, though, is to encourage you that this ministry that you are doing that might be seen by some as “easy” or “perfect” for moms, is actually really hard, especially for those of us to whom it does not come naturally! I personally think it is one of the harder things that we can do as mothers. It would be MUCH easier for me to leave my home and children and meet with people elsewhere, but hospitality is a gift of sacrificial love that we can give to people, and in reality, in some ways the logistics are easier since the kids are cared for at the same time that ministry is happening. But truly, hospitality on its own is a lot of work; Try to do it while simultaneously wrangling children and you’re effectively doing two jobs at the same time!  

 

Also, this should be another post entirely, but remember that hospitality and Martha Stewart are not synonymous. A lot of us need to lower our own personal expectations, especially when we’re trying to care for little ones and host at the same time. There are times for elaborate spreads and times for simply inviting people into the mess of daily life. Both types of hospitality, and everything in between, can be equally as much of a blessing to those welcomed in.

How about you? Does hospitality come naturally, or is it a challenge? What are some ways that you’ve been able to minimize the stress of hospitality, especially in the phase of life with little ones?