The Small Things

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”

These wise words were spoken by Mother Teresa. She is regarded by many as the embodiment of humble service and loving care. She was a “missionary mom” to many of India’s hurting and desolate people, and she had keen insight into the human heart. I think this quote captures perfectly the longing that we all have to do something truly great.

Didn’t we come on the mission field to do something great? Something big? Something truly grand for God? I arrived here with the goal of saving the world. But instead, I am so busy with the mundane and small things that there doesn’t seem to be time left over for saving anybody.

The small things like tying shoes, wiping noses, helping with homework, and packing lunches. The worrying, the guiding, the helping…the mothering. These small mothering things fill my days as I struggle to raise a girl into a woman and a boy into a man. I want to do this whole mom thing right, but so often the small things are where it all goes wrong. I yell, I grow impatient, I demand, and then I demand more. These little things add up and up and up. I must confess, there are days that I discourage my children. I put a weight on them that they were never meant to bear.

Aren't the small things the make or break things?

When I do the small mothering things with love, a difference is made. A smile, a will to try again, a hope, and a dream for the future. Small things like hugging, and encouraging, and cheering on. Small things like reading an extra chapter, giving another hug, holding my tongue and just listening without comment or suggestion. Yes, without comment or suggestion.

Why are these small things the hardest things for me as a mother? Why do little bits of impatience, and exhaustion, and frustration trip me up? Because the job never stops, even for a second. The stakes are high because people are being formed. I bend to a breaking point when learning a language, navigating a foreign system, and my own knee-deep-in-ministry exhaustion gets layered on top of all the small stuff.

But what if I remembered that I have a Savior who is found in the small things? Who cares about them, and who wants me to do them well? What if I really could do them with love, with Him?

What if I fully embraced my mission of raising this girl and this boy? What if I could become the embodiment of humble service and loving care to my children and to my husband? What if something that they see in me makes their hearts long to know God deeper...to run after Him? What if I could understand the role that I play makes all the difference, and the role that I play is played best in the small moments...the cooking, the playing trains, the song before bedtime?

May I know, and may you, that doing small things, with love, is truly great.

What about you? Do you see the small things as insignificant? What discourages you in the day to day mothering?

It's a Dog's World!

Niko, the Wonder Dog

Doesn't this face discourage you from robbing my house or messing with my daughters?  Doesn't he make you tremble in your boots and think twice about whatever diabolical plan you were hatching against my family?  Yeah, I thought so!

This little guy is Niko (named for a local soft drink), and we got him about 3 years ago to be the family guard dog.  He was immediately ruined, being carried around like a baby and dressed up in cutesy clothes, sleeping on a little cushion and sneaking treats.  I feared he'd never step into his role because we'd made him too soft.

One would think that a grown dog would be humiliated by 
being carried around like a baby, but not this one!

He got a bit of age on him, though, and a funny thing happened.  He'd been treated like a member of the family and found his place in our clan, and he fell as much in love with us as we had with him.

Out of this grew a fierce protective spirit, and I dare say that now, no one would dream of passing this fella to mess with any of us.  He's quite docile with children and loves to lie on his back so young kids can torture cuddle him, but let a strange adult or another dog come around our fence, and it's another story!

We've tried several different pets here in Paraguay, including a beautiful parrot that died from the cold, a cute turtle that hobbled away and never came back, and various stray cats that I didn't approve of but didn't chase away because they were eating snakes and rats.  In the states we'd had a dog and a couple of chickens once, but somehow these animals here become part of the family more quickly and we find ourselves really attached to them.  And the fact that this big baby has a bit of an intimidation factor is just an added bonus.  :) 

I'm the practical one in our crowd, so sometimes I focus on Niko as more of a hassle--who will feed him when we're traveling?  What will we do with him on furlough?  Our older daughter is allergic to him and can't somebody bathe him again so he's less likely to set off a reaction?  What about the costs of his vaccinations and all that food?  And on and on.  But I can't deny his benefit to us, or how good it makes me feel to open the gate and his tail is wagging as he trots up to meet me with nuzzles.  (He knows better than to wrestle with me like he does the kids.) 

I've never really been an animal person--all that hair and barking and poop.  But in the months after the accident when I was pretty much confined to the bed or the wheelchair, he'd come up and sniff the area my bone was broken, lay his head just beside it, and rest there a while.  If everyone left the house, he stayed right by my feet and followed me closely in those months of learning to walk again.  I'm not sure that he didn't cause more damage than good, as much as I had to be careful not to stumble over him, but somehow it was the thought that counted.  So I've learned to love him, too.

My husband says that having the dog takes a measure of stress off him as the man in charge of keeping us gals as safe as possible.  For our daughters, Niko's the constant that's been with us through 3 moves in the last 4 years--an added comfort when so many other things change.  

Do you have pets?  What do they add to your family?   If you don't have an animal friend, what keeps you from getting one?

Tuesday Topic: Advice for new missionaries

From a reader: What would your biggest piece of advice be for a mom/family moving overseas for the first time? Is there anything that you wished you had been told before you first moved overseas?

(If you have a “Tuesday Topic” question, please email it to me at fylliska@gmail.com. Provide your blog address if you would like to be linked to, or specify if you would like to remain anonymous. Thanks!)

Ever changing

Change? That word and I are in a love-hate relationship. Right about now just about everything is changing in my life except the country I live in ... that changed last year. I don't resist change, but it takes me a little while longer to adjust to the "new." 

Some of the changes are welcomed, but sad at the same time. We are in the last three weeks of school. I am counting down the days to summer along with my daughter, Ashleigh. As soon as the school year ends many of my daughters friends will be moving back to the states for the summer and others for good. A missionary school is like a revolving door. 

Please pray for the students and families as they say good bye. 

On June 2nd my son will be moving "home" for the summer. Ok, to be honest, that was one of the times when "change" and I were in the hating stage. It's been a huge adjustment with him not being here this past year. The more accurate description would be painful or possibly heart-wrenching.  I feel loss and joy all at the same time. One thing for sure, there will be much loss felt in the pantry with Jordan home! I can't wait to cook for him and with that said, I have become my Grandmother! She wasn't happy until she cooked and everyone was eating!

Please pray for us to have a smooth transition and for Jordan to feel rested and refreshed. 

The list goes on, but with all the outward changes, I know there are many inward changes that need to take place. Those seem to be the hardest, right? But with everything changing, God remains the same. He is my ever constant rock and I cry, "Change me, Lord!" 

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.

He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety." 

Psalm 18:2

What about you ... How do you deal with change? How have you dealt with children leaving the nest?

Meet Ashley

Hello friends! Like I said in my little intro tagged onto Richelle's post, one of my very favorite things to do is to sit down to have conversations with dear friends over good coffee. It seems like I'm in good company since a number of the other ladies have said the same thing! Wouldn't we all have a great time if we could meet together in one place over coffee or tea? Heaven is going to be wonderful for things just like that!

My name is Ashley, and I've been living in Russia for the past 7 years. And though for our first 3 years we lived in Krasnodar, which is near the Black Sea and actually quite warm for most of the year, we now live in St. Petersburg where we have snow for about five months of the year. It gets really cold!! The snow has finally melted now, although the view out of my hospital window when our spring baby was born in early April was a complete blanket of white! The spiritual climate here feels much like the weather. Cold. We seek to love people and share the gospel often and pray for the Lord to move in people's hearts, but it is a slow process that can at times be discouraging. We praise the Lord for the fruit that He brings forth as His love melts through hearts, and we continually ask Him to thaw out this country that has turned cold to Him.

Richelle asked about my 10-year old vision of my future that I had mentioned. It was rather "unique," shall we say. When I was ten, I dreamed of being a ballerina living in Manhattan... on a farm. (I had obviously never been to Manhattan!). I also envisioned myself wearing a black wide-brimmed hat like Audrey Hepburn, sunglasses, and a leopard print dress, walking on my way to my ballet classes with my pet miniature pot-bellied pig on a leash! I don't know that I have actually praised the Lord that I didn't end up where I had planned at that time, but perhaps I should!

The next question was how I ended up in Russia.  I had
served or one year in China and had very much expected to return there long-term. But, when I returned to finish school, I met a similarly missions-minded man who felt specifically called to Russia, and we fell in love and got married!  His calling to Russia was very much in line with what God had put on my heart. I desired to serve in a place where people would not be able to easily hear the gospel even if they were actively searching for truth. That is very true of the situation in Russia, as the orthodox churches here rarely preach the gospel and have a very works and traditions based idea of salvation.

Richelle also asked: What's your favorite thing about being an expat mama? What the most challenging thing? I answered this past week's Tuesday Topic, which was similar, so here are another two.

One favorite thing is the amazing community of believers that I am blessed to serve alongside of. I love that I get to share life closely with some amazing brothers and sisters in Christ and love how we get to not only share ministry together, but also get to serve one another in times of need, pray for each other, share holidays and celebrations together, and get to enjoy caring for one another on a deeper level than I have experienced many other places in my life.

One of the greatest challenges that I am keenly aware of right now is the pain felt when members of my community leave for one reason or another or when we have to uproot from our beloved community of believers (whether foreigners move back to home countries, Russian friends relocate to other cities, or we ourselves move). I know that all of you can relate so easily to this heartache. Some of our very dearest friends who have been our neighbors and like very close family to us for the past seven years just moved back to the US a little over a week ago. It was such a painful goodbye and the void left will be deeply felt for years to come as we have shared so much of our lives together for so long.  "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21 

Olive asked: What are 1-3 things you do to stay sane as a missionary mom through the adjustment of your fourth baby?

That's a great question, Olive! Sometimes I don't have the answer! Ha ha! No, though this hasn't been the easiest of our adjustments when welcoming a new little one, God has helped me to find some moments of peace and means of sanity. Probably the first is just praying and getting time in the word. It is far from un-interrupted or lengthy, but I have really needed to be immersed in truth and praying for peace and strength in order to stay sane. Another thing that has helped me is to not worry about what my baby "should" be doing. I know he "should" sleep this amount at each nap (which he refuses to do), and he "should" only sleep in his bed, and he "should" be going to bed a such-and-such a time, but with our schedule and 3 other kids, all of the "shoulds" are just too impossible to abide by. I've decided to not worry about what the books say and to just do what works for us. When I do that, our life is much more sane and baby and I are both much happier. I can feel the stress rising though when I start to become concerned about the "shoulds" that I just can't do.

We're going to take a little break from the "Meet the Missionary Moms" series for a bit, so instead of introducing our next mom friend, I wanted to ask how we can be praying for one another. Please share a prayer request or two in the comments, and let's bless one another in prayer!

I'm a Work in Progress

 

I recently led a Bible Study on the Proverbs 31 woman.  I have done several studies on this lady, I don't feel I will ever measure up, but didn't think there was much else I could learn about her that I haven't already learned.

 

That's where I was completely wrong.

 

I began praying that God would work in my heart, that He would mold me into the woman He would have me to be. 

I thought I was ok.

I thought my marriage was ok.
I thought my relationship with my kids was ok.

It was ok, but it wasn't what God wanted.  He wanted more.  More of me.

 

Little things started happening.  I was getting frustrated.  Blaming Satan for trying to mess with my head before my Bible Study.  My kids would be running around like crazy just minutes before I was to leave.  For example, last week my floors had just been cleaned, I was finishing up my lesson for the evening, when my daughter came into my room and said my son  dropped a watermelon.  He was rolling the watermelon on my counter and it rolled off and splattered all over the floor.  Watermelon, watermelon juice, watermelon seeds...everywhere.  Did I mentioned the floors had just been cleaned?  Poor Cody, he kept saying, "I'm sorry, mom.  I'm really, really sorry, mom."  Me?  I broke down in tears.  I told him to sit and not move while I cleaned it up.  As I finished cleaning up the watermelon mess, he spilled a cup of orange juice all over the table, and yes, all over the floor.  Poor kid.  I didn't handle the situation like I should have. 

 

My tears were unnecessary.  My words were harsh.

I cleaned up the orange juice, sent the kids to their room and I went to mine.  I cried.  "God, I'm supposed to lead about study about being a godly wife and mother, and here I am in my room crying over a watermelon.  What is wrong with me?  Why is Satan attacking me like this?"

This is when I heard God speak.  Not in an audible voice, but in my heart.  He reminded me that I had been praying for Him to mold me into a more godly woman.  And He is gently showing me areas in my life that I need to work on (ie how I respond to watermelon all over my floor). 

Once He started showing me things that needed to change in my comfortable life, I complained and blamed Satan.  He {Satan} gets too much credit sometimes.

I was comfortable being an ok mom, being an ok wife, being an ok friend.  But I asked God to mold me into His image, to help me to be a woman that pleased Him.  When He showed me what I needed to work on, I stiffened up a bit.  "But God," I said, "look at everything I do, isn't that good enough?"

No, it's not.

He wants more of me.  He wants my all.  And honestly, I wasn't giving it my all.  I settled into a comfortable routine and stuck with it.  I got lazy.  My husband deserves more of me.  My kids deserve more of me.  My God...He deserves ALL of me.

So, God, here is my life.  I'm ready to take it to the next level. To step out of my comfort zone.  To kick it up a notch.

To be like Christ, to be Christlike...this ought to be our goal as Christians. It's my goal.

Make me, mold me, fill me, use me. 

Help me to never settle for the mundane life.  I always want to press toward the prize, forgetting the things which are behind me (tears over a watermelon), and reaching forth unto those things which are before.

 

"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended:

but this one thing I do,

forgetting those things which are behind,

and reaching forth unto those things which are before.

I press toward the mark for the prize

of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:13-14

 

By the way, after my time alone with the Lord that day.  I called my son into my room and apologized to Him for being upset.  I asked Him to forgive me, and He graciously did.  Oh, to have the forgiving spirit of a little one.  His mommy is far from perfect, but she won't settle for living the mundane life.  

I understand I don't often show my heart like this, but God has been working and I felt I ought to share.  Hope it's an encouragement.  Don't always blame Satan, God is far more powerful, and He love you very much.

 

How about you? 

Are you living a comfortable life? 

Are you ready to step out of your comfort zone

and give the Lord more? 

Give Him your all?

 

 

 

Tuesday Topic: Favorites and unfavorites

I'm getting low on questions. Please really do write to me, if you have anything you want to discuss!

From a reader: What is your favorite aspect of missionary life? What for you is the hardest aspect of missionary life?

(If you have a “Tuesday Topic” question, please email it to me at fylliska@gmail.com. Provide your blog address if you would like to be linked to, or specify if you would like to remain anonymous. Thanks!)