You're not Asking for Yourself

We had been married for only a few weeks when we found ourselves sitting with the pastor of our sending church. He asked us what our ministry will look like now that I was a part of it. Then he asked how our support raising was going. I was new to missions and raising support, so it was a struggle for me. I explained that it was hard to ask for support because it felt selfish. What Pastor said in response helped change my attitude and gave me more confidence.

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You're not asking for yourself.

What? But we're asking for people to support us by giving us any spare change they have so that we can do what God has called us to do. How is that not selfish? Well, it's not selfish. The truth is we ask for support because God wants us to serve in our respective host countries and we want our family and friends to come along side us as a part of our ministry. We're giving them the opportunity to serve God with us. By asking our family and friends for support, we're inviting them to join us in our ministry as we take the good news of Jesus to the places where they cannot go. They can help advance the Gospel, and you're the one who is giving them the opportunity!

So, is raising support easier when you remember that you're not asking for yourself? No, not really. The different perspective helps, but it's still not easy. Now to keep this in mind the next time we find ourselves sitting with potential supporters...

Muddling through Metamorphosis

“How does one become a butterfly?" she asked. 

"You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

Yep, you guessed it! Another butterfly quote by anonymous!

Don't you wish there was some sort of formula for life transitions? One that was quick and easy to remember (like r*t = d... or the Pythagorean theorem...?) and that always worked, regardless of all those other circumstances and differing perspectives? Or some sort of herbal medication - a few drops under the tongue twice a day and improvement seen rapidly?

But there isn't one... at least not that we've found.

Even within our family. There are ten of us, and each one of us responds differently, needs different things, hurts in different ways. As a family, we experience a cacophony of celebrations and catastrophes.

• One anticipates a new adventure. 
• Another misses a system and a schedule to life that was was just the perfect pace.
• At times we all feel partnership development frequently feels purposeless and ultimately self-serving especially when compared to making God's Word accessible to those who long for it.
• Friends and people who get it seem so remote and far away.
• And how do you really explain that while you are home... you are also far from home?
• Reminders knock you over out of the clear blue and can totally make your day or shatter your heart, in an instant - but it never happens to more than one... occasionally two... at a time.
• Someone struggles with all the new, all over again.
• One child, in particular, who after years of battling and working to succeed, is - finally. That one is terrified of falling back into failure because of parents who are convinced they are following God's leading, and facing all that work, all over again.
• Biggers flying the nest and wondering what all this will look like for them, what will it be like to go visit Dad and Mom at home that is unknown and isn't really home.
• This mama heart finds it more terrifying raising children in North America than she ever did on the backside of the Sahara.

Really, that's just the tip of the iceberg. 

The only question I feel qualified at all to address is that next-to-last one: many moons ago, right after my graduation, we packed our van and moved from Oklahoma to not far outside Boston. Before I graduated from university, my parents moved again and I had to get directions to find "home."

But all of those other questions, fears and concerns? I don't know. I'm living them, though.

There really is no road map. So where do I go? What do I do?

Frankly, in this uncharted territory, I'm focusing on these things:

1. Trying, as David did, to "strengthen myself in the Lord." That means going to Him first, to His Word, asking Him to speak to my here and now through texst that He has promised are profitable... and then waiting in confident quietness and gentleness even if I'm not hearing immediate answers.
2. Discipling our family through this very same process.
3. Following that rejoicing with... weeping with... principle. Asking permission to grieve with/for my children in the hard moments has been an incredibly powerful and growing experience.
4. Listening more than we talk and offer advice. 
5. Lots of praying ...and then praying even more.
6. Making sure that our children know we love them and would do anything for them to help them with the hard choices we've made for our family - except refuse to make those hard choices or only make the easy ones. 
7. Allowing and encouraging their involvement in other ministries and supporting them as they branch out in areas and with ideas that were uncomfortable or hard for us. One unexpected benefit has been that our kids have seen how they help us to grow as a result. 
8. When we so often mess up, be it a little bit or royally - when they hurt because of our choices and decisions, apologizing and asking forgiveness. 
9. When by God's grace, we stumble on right things "by accident" - clearly thanking the One Who enabled. 
10. Remembering and reminding ourselves often that we shouldn't expect easy or immediate reward and redemption of our sacrifices. Jesus warned us that following Him wouldn't be, that we should count the cost. Which means that while "cost" is uncomfortable, "cost" isn't wrong.

The crazy amazing thing about this crazy, amazing and still on-going ride through the turbidity of transition has been that we strengthen ourselves in the Lord to hopefully help our children and loved ones... who in turn encourage and help strengthen us as they walk into and begin to explore our brave new-to-us world.

As I was typing that last sentence, two little girls came running into the house, squealing in amazement and excitement. Outside, God has gifted us with a beautiful Saturday and they are playing in the hose as they help Daddy water the garden and wash the cars. They'd just seen a rainbow in the water and figured that it was something that just couldn't be true. As I stopped writing for a moment to explain just exactly why it could be true, the growing awe and delight on my brand new second grader's face was simply beautiful. Then, she giggled and as she skips back outside, she hollered back over her shoulder something to the effect of, "Mama, God is so coooool (as only an exuberant second grader can exclaim)! He didn't just put His promise in the big rainbows! He put His promise in every drop of water if I just look at it the right way!"

Outta the mouths of babes, eh?

We're right where we need to be - wanting and trusting God to redeem these lives He's given in whatever way He sees fit, so much so that we're willing to brave the darkness of the chrysalis while He works this change... and the next... and the next...

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Here, 

for the first post in this two part series.

"If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies."

Someone named "Anonymous" once said that... and others have been repeating it since, usually when they are talking about...

Transition.

According to the dictionary, I can define transition, as a noun, as the process and/or a period of changing from one state or condition to another. As a verb it means all those actions and things that happen as such a transformation or metamorphosis is made. 

Transitions are often intricate and beautiful - think of a piece of music modulating from one key to another. 

Transitions usually require finesse and delicate treatment - think of a word smith choosing specific words to help his reader's thoughts progress in a logical and connected way from one key idea to the next.

Transition, in physics, can refer to the change from one quantum state to another by either the emission or the absorption of radiation, which just sounds, at least a bit, risky and liable to have unintended or unforeseen consequences.

Transition, etymologically, comes from Latin, through French, with the original meaning being "go across." Any time you have to step across... go through... anything that involves feelings, change and people can claim a status of complicated.

Transition is smack dab right where my family sits right now. And it feels like we've been here for forever, even though I know we haven't.

We are transitioning from ministry in developing world, poverty and disease stricken desert world of West Africa to the very post-modern, highly educated and materialistic developed and nearly Arctic world of Québec, Canada. It is hard to imagine all of the ways our lives will be different. Even knowing there will be so many things we gain, our hearts are broken and will long bear visible scars from what we're trying to count as loss.

To date, one of the most challenging parts of this transition has been the loss of ministry partners who - after fifteen years or more, in some cases, of working to build strong, transparent collaborative relationships - still do not feel they can move through this change and continue to partner with us. We understand that churches strive to be strategic with their missions programs and try to keep themselves aligned to certain key goals and objectives as they seek to best steward the funds for which they are responsible. Yet every time we get another letter or a phone call saying someone will no longer be partnering with us... for people rarely want to sit down with you and discuss this sort of thing face to face and in person... it feels, frankly, more like a sucker punch... than anything else.

Is there some way to prevent this from happening? Probably not...

As I said, we do understand. Maybe the crux of the issue is that from our perspective, we disagree with those decisions because we can usually give an answer THAT. MAKES. GOOD. SENSE for every question asked or concern raised. What gets really hard and discouraging is that we've ended up questioning decisions made after much prayer, since seeking significant counsel, and postliminary to persistent waiting on clear discernment from God. When others that we've counted on in the past essentially say that they can no longer "support" us because of this decision, it is hard to separate that from supporting us in this decision. And frankly, experience speaks pretty loudly. When people stop sending those checks, they also tend to stop (to borrow a biblical phrase) "strengthening our hand[s] in God" in other ways.

It is not bad to examine and rethink through these decisions. It is wrong, though, to hold our breath every time we hear from a church or pastor or other partner. It is wrong to wonder if it will be more bad news every time we check email or the phone rings. 

But it comes down to this:

• We've already said goodbye to many people - neighbors, fellow expats, church family, colleagues, classmates, friends, favorite vendors, employees, pets, etc.,... that we love.
• We've said goodbye to a home we loved as well as dreams and plans for the future built around that home.
• We naively hoped that we wouldn't also have to "bid many adieus" to the tremendous family of ministry partners we've built through the past twenty years.

We are finding that we've were wrong, ...and are quite surprised by where and with whom we've been wrong. It hurts. It's scary. It can, on those harder days, cause us to wonder, question, re-examine, worry, doubt...

Loss upon loss feels heavy and dark, blinding and suffocating - kinda like that caterpillar must feel as the chrysalis closes around. Really, though, our only good choice is trusting in God and remembering the beautiful illustration from creation: 

"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies..."

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When you are feeling the many different weights of transition, what thoughts, Bible verses, activities... what encourages you?

Help! My Man Is ALWAYS Around!

Just me and my man.  It's not been too many years since we were dating and I dreamed of spending all our days together, giggling while we worked and inspiring each other as we bounced ideas back and forth over dreamy looks and picnic lunches.  What could be better than that, right?  Um, yeah.  Twenty years later, we got that chance when we moved out of the country to conquer the world for Jesus.  And reality set in.

Since our home is the base of operations here, gone are the days of seeing him off to work with a kiss each morning, teaching the kids and running errands all day, then having his dinner ready when he returns in the evening.  Everything from mealtime to homeschooling to who goes out for groceries has changed, and everyone in the house has felt the heat from the adjustments.

Defining a new normal has been an unexpected challenge, exacerbated by the fact that there just isn't much support out there for wives like me. So when I saw this book coming out, I jumped at the chance to get my hands on it.  Even better, this one was a freebie offered to me by the publisher in exchange for my opinions.  Let's just say it was a welcome addition to my e-bookshelf.

OFFICIAL BOOK DESCRIPTION: What do you do when your husband calls and says he's lost his job? How do you handle a husband who has been diagnosed with Parkinson's and is now homebound? Will your routine ever get back to normal now that your loving husband who has been deployed for 12 months is now suddenly back at home? Regardless of the reason he's home, one fact is clear . . . he's home. Dear God, He's Home! is a practical, honest look at how women can deal with a spouse--regardless of the reason--who is forced to become a stay-at-home man.  (**Note: By clicking the title, you'll be directed to Amazon, where the e-book is currently $2.99.)

MY THOUGHTS:  Making the transition from what is considered a traditional family set-up--husband working outside the home, wife considering the house her domain--can be very stressful.  Not only has the author (Janet Thompson) dealt with the situation several times in her life, but she includes the stories of many others facing this change due to health complications, retirement, unemployment, a home office, or some other development.  I found that much of it applied to our situation, even though she didn't specifically include foreign missionaries on her list.  ;)

The book is divided into 14 chapters full of examples, practical advice, scriptures, a sample prayer, and journaling prompts--yet another reminder that I could benefit from journaling.  (Note to self:  Add personal journal to the to-do list.). Focus, Christie. Focus.  Okay.

Each chapter has several smaller sections packed with wisdom, short enough to do each as a daily devotion.  The big focus in on opening up communication so that both the husband and the wife understand the expectations each has.  Several tools are provided to facilitate coming together to shape these expectations into a workable reality.

Although the book is meant to be for the wife, there are parts that can be shared with your husband, such as the sanity tools at the end, and some of the personal stories are from the man's point of view.

The only complaint I might have is that I had a bit of a hard time keeping up with all the real-life examples.  There were so many, which is good for helping the reader connect to the book and realize she's not the first person to pass through this. But I began to confuse the stories and couples as the book progressed through snippets from these stories with each section.  It's possible that reading a print version of this book would have helped with this, but I had an ebook copy and can't speak as to how the layout affects the ease of reading.

I found the book very thorough, in that it dealt with the emotional, financial, spiritual, and physical aspects of this life change. I've definitely added it to my list of recommended resources for missionary wives coming on the field, and I think that going through it together before the big transition would maximize the benefits.

Is it possible I'm not the only one who struggled a bit with this change?  What advice would you give yourself if you could go back to just before the transition? 

5 More Tips for Using MailChimp as Missionaries

MailChimp is a great tool we as missionaries can use to send out our ministry updates. We just have to understand a little more how it works.

Last month, I gave you 5 tips for using MailChimp to send out your ministry update emails. To be honest, I had a hard time narrowing them down to just those five. So here's 5 more!

1. Update your contact list. Last month I discussed how MailChimp allows your supporters to subscribe and unsubscribe from your list. They can also update their contact details. This can be helpful for you since it's all done in MailChimp. You can then take that information and import it into your address book or other contact management program (such as TntMPD). It saves you the effort of having to go through your contacts to update every so often.

2. Segment your list to send emails to certain groups of people. My husband and I have a prayer team who receives special prayer emails more regularly than our ministry updates. MailChimp makes it easy to send emails to just those people by allowing you to segment your list. You can also send emails to specific people if you're going to be in a particular state in the US while you're on home assignment/furlough.

2. Do a little research before you meet with supporters. One of the things MailChimp does is keep track of who opens your emails (based on who viewed the photos in their email program). We may not want to admit it, but let's face it: As much as we would like to think they do, some of our dearly loved friends don't read our emails. So before we meet with a friend or supporter, we like to check MailChimp to see if that person has been reading our updates or not, and whether or not they are subscribed. It may sound sneaky, but it helps us to know what we should be talking about in our meetings.

4. Connect MailChimp with your blog. If you have a blog, you can add a sign-up form. You can then point people who aren't receiving your updates to sign up via your blog! You can visit my blog if you'd like to see an example of how the sign-up form is used.

You can also display a list of past ministry updates for people to read. Some people who may not be familiar with your ministry may like to go back and read past updates. As well, supporters who missed past updates can access them as well. Again, please feel free to check out how we've used it on my blog. (I promise this isn't a plug for my blog!!)

MailChimp has codes available to put these things on your blog.

5. Keep track of bounced emails. You know, those one or two emails that come back to you right after you hit "send?" Then you sit there wondering whether you should unsubscribe that person or contact them to see if they still want to receive your emails. MailChimp makes managing those bounced emails a little easier. Whenever an email bounces, MailChimp will decide whether to unsubscribe that recipient or not.

There are two types of "bounces" that they use to determine whether a recipient should be unsubscribed: soft and hard. Soft bounces are emails that get returned for no reason or the recipient's inbox is full. These might get sent again. Hard bounces usually mean that the email address is no longer valid or the email server flat-out refused the email. My husband and I use this information to decide if we need to contact a given supporter to see if they still want to receive our emails. It's a good way to reestablish a relationship with that person, especially if you haven't heard from them in awhile!

Hopefully you find some good ideas for how you can use MailChimp for your own ministry updates. If you need more help, there are plenty of resources available from MailChimp.

How have you found MailChimp helpful? Let's chat in the comments!

Also, if you have any questions, please leave a comment as well. I'm more than happy to try and answer some of your questions. If you'd rather contact me by email, you can do that chrysti (at) heddingsomewhere (dot) org.

5 Tips for Using MailChimp as Missionaries

With all of the discussion about MailChimp on Christie's post a few weeks back, I thought it would be helpful to share some tips I've picked up on how to use MailChimp as a missionary.

MailChimp is a tool that's typically used for email marketing, but a number of missionaries have started using it. It's an excellent tool, but it's helpful to know how to use it well. Using MailChimp is free for up to 2,000 subscribers and 12,000 emails each month.

1. Let your supporters, friends and family sign up for your updates and manage their contact info themselves. We're busy. Giving your readers the option to sign up and update their information saves you time from having to go through your database and update contact information from time to time. MailChimp even gives your readers a non-confrontational way to unsubscribe themselves from your emails.

2. Use a few links to external sites (aka your blog). Admit it: we love to talk about what we do, and when it comes to writing our updates that can make them really long. If you have a blog, link some of your update-related posts to your update! It will save your breath since you've talked about it already, and those interested can click through to read more. MailChimp also lets you see how many clicks a certain link has gotten and who has clicked it. This is a great way to find out what your readers are interested in!

3. Make use of MailChimp's merge tags. Merge tags can make your updates more personal. We've found that we generally get a better response from our updates when we start them with "Dear Sally" rather than just jumping in to an update. We've found that it increases the likelihood of someone writing you back. But watch out...  you should then write them back! ;)

You can also use an archive merge tags to exclude certain info from web versions of your ministry updates. One thing about MailChimp is that your updates will get published on the web somewhere. So what if you have sensitive information that can't be shared on the web, but can be shared in an email? You can use merge tags for that, too! Used the right way, the archive merge tags can hide (or show) info that will be in an email but not on the archived web version of your email. You can also use the archive merge tags to hide your contact address (that's required by MailChimp on emails) from the web archive (where it is not required.)

MailChimp has a list of a number of their merge tags on their website. Not certain  how to use merge tags? Check out this document on how to use them!

4. Use lots of photos. I'm certain that photos are of no shortage in your updates, but this tip might be something different that you can do. When I'm setting up my family's updates, I include a few pictures from the month. I then link them to our Flickr account so that our readers can see a larger version of the photo, as well as a caption. Again, this can save time and space in your updates if you're keeping your Flickr account up to date! If they follow the link we also can see what most interests our readers.

5. Share your updates on Facebook or Twitter. A lot of the younger generation (does that include me?) is more interested in using social media instead of email to communicate. It's becoming easier (even normal) to build relationships with the younger generation through social media such as Facebook. Therefore it's easier to get them interested in missions and your ministry. Do this by posting your ministry updates to Facebook or Twitter.

In our last update, we made the announcement that we're expecting a new baby.* I have MailChimp set up so that it will automatically post our updates to Facebook when they're sent out. Not that we're out to get responses from people, but we got more responses from friends and family seeing our update on Facebook than we did through sending our email out! The conclusion I've drawn from that, is that more people read our updates through Facebook than through our emails that we send out (at least this time anyway)!

So there you have it! Some tips for using MailChimp. If you're new to using MailChimp, there are plenty of resources out there on how to get started. There are training videos or if you prefer to read, there's also a helpful document.

As I sat down to write this post, I discovered I had too many tips for one post, so I'm planning on writing another post with a few more tips. I also want to hear your tips! If I collect enough from you, I'll compile them in another post, too. :)

Do you use MailChimp? How do you use it? What tips do you have? Please share in the comments!

*Since writing this post, things have changed on the baby front. Please read this post if you like.