Host Culture Mommy Wars

We've all heard lots of talk about "mommy wars" and the various ways that mothers often end up competing with one another. Recently there was an excellent post at A Life Overseas about missionary mommy wars, but I recently realized that not only do we feel special pressure as missionary moms, as well as pressure from our home culture, but we also feel it from our host culture! In my efforts to "become all things to all people,"  I've found that the cultural requirements of Russian mothers have really impacted me. If I am not careful to listen closely to God, I can feel like there are just that many more "requirements" upon my shoulders in order to succeed at motherhood.

My children looking Russian (Mommy points for managing appropriate winter attire...at least for this picture... oh but wait, we can't tell if my son is wearing obligatory tights in the picture or not... the verdict is still out...)

Here are a few of the things that are "required" of good mothers in the Russian culture: Children must always be dressed appropriately for the weather (according to Russian standards, of course.... a.k.a., WAY warmer than we dress our American kids... I always mess this up.); mothers should take their children out to walk or play at least once but preferably twice a day, year-round; children from about age 2 must be "socialized" by attending pre-school for a minimum of 5 hours a day; children from pre-school age should also be involved in enrichment activities often including a foreign language, music, dance, art, technology...; mothers should take their children to various doctors every month during the first year of life, if not more, as well as every time they have anything more than a slight cold all throughout their school years, and nothing should ever be self-treated; babies should have the right kind of (very expensive) stroller; birthday parties should be a large to-do; little girls should have beautifully braided hair on the first day of school and other holidays; children should have the opportunity to go on an extended vacation "out of the city" every summer (often to a rustic summer cottage in the countryside), preferably for a month or more...

First day of first grade and faux fancy braids. Braided pig tails are fancy, right?!

Here are our kids picking berries out in nature when we, too, went on vacation to a summer cottage...for four days. Shhh!

Having four kids as opposed to the traditional one or two, these standards would not only be difficult to adhere to, but pretty much impossible. I often feel initially judged by mothers when they find out that I don't do A, B, or C, like all of the "good mothers," and often find myself explaining the differences of living life with a larger family. Sometimes moms are very understanding, and other times not. I find that there is a fine balance between striving to become all things to all people for the sake of the salvation of others, and becoming all things to all people for the sake of the salvation of my own pride. Just like in all of the other mommy-wars, I need to remember to seek the Lord and His gracious requirements of me in my mothering rather than measuring myself by the requirements of my host culture or anyone else.

What are the mommy-war issues in your host culture? In what ways have you been able to become all things in non-competitive ways? What areas are some areas where you have had to resist getting caught up in mommy wars?